HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, December 04, 2010

Hot News

Valerie my Australian non-pregnant non-bigtime heroin dealer (so she claims, now she got busted with 700 keys) non-friend has this to say from prison in Sydney. Got hauled however many 100 miles out of her own home by "crooked customs" (as she calls them) that woman calls everyone a crook bar herself!!

Here's her latest:

Valerie said...
Well dearie, it's me again from PRISON in Sydney. Fucking police. 700kgs of Finest Double UO Global China White. Seized!! And they are trying to pin it on ME!!
If you're wondering how I'm emailing this from prison, let me tell you when you have the funds we have, even though we pay fucking monstrous bills to get them washed as legit ~ anything is possible. I am thoroughly stoned off my box in here. They don't call me China White Queen for nothing. I paid off the bitch in charge of previous supplies. Now the neat shit's coming in. Bitches ODing left, right and centre!!
Well this is going to sort itself out in some costly way, I feel the loss of a 17 carat blue diamond coming on. Thank fuck we have those 44 keys stashed in the old back garden! O fuck did I really say that. Off me tits on crack, babe. Don't know what I'm really saying. Crack city in here tonight, baby!! Mama's home!!!!
Those bitch-girls love me in here. I'm their smack-mammy they never had. Oh they fucking love me gorgeous and you wanna take a look at me no make up shit light after starting out at that jailhouse/brothel/whatever the fuck I don't WANT to remember in Pnom Pen in 1956 would you believe!! That makes me quite successful in my own eyes.
Those peasants would be out of a job and growing useless wheat/corn/barley/crap if it weren't for me!!
Well I gotta go. Screws on me case for smoking cigar behind govenor's desk, hogging computer for too long. Got so much news to spill, just wait for my next one. I'll give the lowdown on what bitch is doing what to whom, if you want it. O shit gotta go. FUCKING SCREWS

vv v

5 comments:

Gledwood said...

o valerie you crazy cow. hogging head honchos office already!!

Valerie said...

no more 300kg requests Gledwood, you might be only big china white dealer in london but ya never pay ya debts on time and me and brucie need cash real quick now what with this 700-key crisis!!

Gledwood said...

i have never sold 1kg of china white in london or anywhere else, let alone 300!!

Valerie said...

o shit gledwood, mixed you up with a pregnant woman yet again. it's that hamster image that does it

nah, person i'm on about is named glenda. beefy black lesbian type. real nice, a bit misunderstood. gold toothed-gun-toting yardie type, but actually she's a real sweetie.

desperately funny at last new years' meow party!!

never pays her fucking bills on time. no more!! else i waste $20,000 getting her done in, yuck i hate gangland killilngs but sometimes, baby, you just gotta pick up that phone and order the right pizza da action, know what i mean!!!

Valerie said...

Oh fuck off Gledwood. No more 300g free samples for you!! Not after your cheek!!

Head's really done in here. Yukky jail. Crap TV. Should be happy. Lots of lesbians, no Bruce. Ukk. Nah mate, sooner i'm outta here the better. Even if it does cost $10,000 a key to bribe the police/customs/judge/whoever!!

And don't pretend not to know what i'm talking about when i mention pizza delivery. you know it means death. if i remember rightly, which i am sure i always do, it was YOU I called once and you who pulled the frickin' trigger. So less of your prissiness, please. Have no time for it.

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood