HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Xmas Eve: 2 Top Tunes :-)

Embodying the True Spirit of Xmas, this easily takes the biscuit as as the best festive tune of all time.

Story of Fairytale of New York (10 mins)

Throw out any Madonna-preconceptions you might have, and you'll hear one of the best ever recordings of this song. You may well have heard this before, not even realizing who it was ...
This was recorded for a charity Xmas album so the song has never been released as a single. It is, however Madonna's most downloaded album track.
The video is a montage of True Blue, Material Girl and a live Oscars performance of Sondheim's Sooner or Later (from Dick Tracy) spliced together by a fan. Whoever did this has a professional's eye for video. It's brilliantly well done.


Lady Anon said...

O Fuck...it IS christmas eve now isn't it?

Well I never!

...sneaky xmas eve!

Gledwood...Just wanted to say...

I Love You...!

(What?...Its Christmas!)


Gledwood said...

Hi Lady Anon :-)

Here's some platonic mistletoe.


There ya go!

Have a very Merry One too. If it cannot be "very merry" then may it be very tolerable. If you don't have an eighth of B or at least 4xpukka 20s to make it through, then may it be just tolerable. If it's not tolerable, please email me. I'll be online on Xmas day for anyone who wants to talk to me all day on Gabbly.

That's my Gledwood Xmas Samaritans-style counselling service to the world!

(OK OK it's not. It's just me bored on my own, Hopefully pilled out and drunk and talking shit to all comers!!)

Have a good one, Lady A.


Syd said...

Thanks for stopping by Gleds with the Christmas greeting. The same back at you. Have a good day and a better 2011.

Bimbimbie said...

Thanks for your Christmas wishes Gleds. I'm not too far away from you and enjoying some lovely cold weather. Paris is cold with sleaty snow this afternoon. I've been listening to 5 Live and gather it's a lot whiter over on your side of the channel ...

You've given yourself and those of us who care for your wellbeing the best news and start for 2011 - well done and keep looking forward. Wishing you lots of peace of mind and restful sleep over Christmas. xx

I'll be back tomorrow to watch the Pogues - one of my all time fav Christmas songs *!*

the guy in the silk taffeta dress said...

Merry Christmas to you!
Sean McGowan,(spelling?) what a great singer and character he is.
My very favorite is Dirty Old Town.

All the best to you, always,

Gledwood said...

Syd: Many thanks. 2011 couldn't be much more of a mixed bag than 2010. I'm hoping a year off Heroin might be a better year, know what I mean...

Bimbimbie: You know I did blip 2 days ago, but it was just a blip. Are you there with Baino? Did you 2 meet online? IF so that's so modern of you!!

Taffeta: have you seen the state of Shane McGowan's teeth! They're what gives British Dentistry it's overwhelmingly outstanding reputation Stateside..!

Yeah, far as I know, the name's spelled Shane. Sean would be Shawn or Shorn.



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood