HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Itchy AWOL!

私のハムスターは、エスケープ!

BABY ITCHY ROBOROVSKI has escaped! She is officially AWOL. I waited so long for her to reappear from wherever she's in hiding I fell asleep earlier and, waking to no radio (so any suspicious scrabblings I hear) had no idea of the time and felt it was about 4am. Imagine my surprise when my mobile phone proclaimed midnight no less!

I hope she does turn up. I don't know what I would do without scrambled wet fur sticking up everywhere appearance pinging in the morning...

In my absence I've turned out all lights but my dedicated Rodent Light TM (fireglow bulb: pitch darkness to hamsters) and have taped a succession of tubes to the top of their tank, like a builders' rubbish chute where Itchy can clamber in and like the smell of home to much she flings herself in over the top. Well that's the idea...

... and if I don't check it the minute I get back it's just my luck I'll spend all night cooing "come out you pink nose. Come out you gremlin, you swine!" into every corner so Laundretta thinks I'm now schizophrenic only to find she's been earwashing back home in her nest all night!

Actually you can't really coo to bring them back. Once escaped they go into "wild" mode and ping about everywhere pretending to be scared of you.

Righty-ho so that's the news. I have to go and get some tempting broccoli from the corner shop.

Ta-taa folks! I will hopefully log on with news of her safe return tomorrow a.m.

Video of the Day1:
Run-off-feet Robomother
Struggling to keep her litter in one place...


Video of the Day2:
King Cobra
Why is it always an Aussie tormenting these poor magnificent creatures?


***

Re yesterday's haiku; I found them online. I wish I did have that command of Japanese to write them myself!

I figured out the mouse licking the river.

.春風や鼠のなめる角田川
haru kaze ya nezumi no nameru sumida-gawa

spring breeze–
a mouse licking up
Sumida River


It means the ripples are so feathery they're as if those of a tiny mouse tenderly lapping the water...

6 comments:

Kahshe Cottager said...

Oh no, this is NOT good news!!! I hope Itchy is home safe and sound by the time you read this!!!

Emily said...

oh noes, escaped hamster! Sorry to hear it.

I would recommend the Genki series. It is sort of pricey, as they are actual textbook and not just manuals for casual learners, but if you get the cds and the books I think it's one of the better courses available.

~Emily

Tea N. Crumpet said...

How many hamsters do you have? Cute movie, but the poor momster!

Vi said...

I hope the gremlin made it home ok!

Anonymous said...

Escaped Gremlin....Oh No! I will cross my fingers, toes and other appendages that she makes a safe return...

-Eileen

Gledwood said...

Kahshe: I know... LORD knows where she's gone she is still not back 24 hours later!

Emily: GENKI... I will remember that. Thanks!

Tea n Crumpet: I USED to have 4. Now I seem to have 3. Boo hoo...

Vi Vi: sadly not yet!

Eileen: hopefully she's really hungry by now so will have made a trip back out of sheer exhaustion!!/etc!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood