HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

What's New? Freezing Cold. More Stew.

DULL DULL DULL... DING-DONG THE DULLARD'S GONE! So depressed yesterday I was lying on the floor dreading the day. Lying there for hours sleeping and sleeping again. Nasty business. Till finally I got up and resumed the world and nothing was as bad as I'd feared it was going to be ... (what a surprise).

I've had loads of hits from Japan! In fact 19% of yesterday's traffic was from there. Can any Japanese person explain why? What did I do? Except get Google Translate to do a highly cogent comment for me for a Japanese blog I found on Blogger Play!

Sorry I didn't write anything yesterday due to dullarly depression and also running out of time and being too stingy with topup money till today...

I've not been doing very much at all of any interest to anyone. Except I'm making yet another stew. I've left out the posh ingredients this time (the tin of chopped tomatoes base, the courgette/zucchini and the okra) and am stewing up what's left. Along with a tin of intellectual red kidney beans. So let's see how that goes.

(Loads of yummy neck of stewing lamb's in there too. Of course!)

So Labour won the Australian elections. After 17 years of Mr Howard's (was that his name) "democratic" party monopoly. Reactions please from Down Under. You know how I love loathesome politicians!!

Baby Itchy Robo went for a ping in the early hours of this morning. When I wasn't too freezing cold to move from under my tent of a blanketry. Yes! Nighttime temperatures in London have been little over zero. Most inconvenient.

Now I have to go for now and sort my furry boiled eggs out. Etc.

One last thought. When I make Baby Itchy a star of the hip-hop and rap world, what name should I give her? Was thinking: "Furry Fur".. ... .... ;->... ..??

***

PS I'm not seeing those mysterious Treasures of Tutankhamun till next week, but shall report back from there...

***

Intellectual sketching instructions:
http://swankscum.blogspot.com


Blogging Xmas comes earlier every year. Here it is already at:
http://psychostampart.blogspot.com


Excellent Malaysia Pictures:
http://stevenhavingfun.blogspot.com


Ultra-floaty desertification Dead Sea photos:
http://heimatoderexil.blogspot.com


Really entertaining doggie pixx:
http://cosmicblast.blogspot.com


Fishing in Singapore:
http://nafishnafish.blogspot.com


More drawing instructions:
http://blogagago.blogspot.com


Great surf-n-sea shots:
http://moniksurf.blogspot.com

12 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Much as I hate to admit it, those flipping hamsters made me laugh.

Damn you for giving me more laughter-line wrinkles!

* puts on All Saints CD for the first time in ages *

Unknown said...

life can't be always perfect, it would be boring.

Gledwood said...

Inexplicable: I got the All Saints Saints and Sinners album incorporating that track for a mere 50p in the Sue Ryder shop. Or somewhere like that... ;->...

Ropi: that is too true ...

Liz Hinds said...

Where/how do you go on the internet?

I'm losing the plot. Did I tell you I saw some roborovskis in the pet shop and that I thought you'd made up the name? I think I did.

Liz Hinds said...

George keeps biting me - especially on the bum!

Jo said...

How come I always get hungry when I come over to visit you? :-)

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds, Actually John Howard's only been PM for 11 1/2 years but been in politics for 33 years. Since the Liberals lost last night, he's decided to retire altogether.

Now we will just have to wait and see what the Labor Govt brings. At the moment the country is in a great financial position, thanks to the Libs who brought Australia back from the brink of going under. The last time Labor was in power interest rates shot up to 17%at the moment they're 6.something%, even with all the interest rate rises.

Also the Libs have been very good to people in my age group, but that could change, too. We just have to wait and see.

Take care

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ First Jeanette is a very
dear friend. The only relatives I have that blog are my brother Peter and his son Marcus. Sorry you are still feeling down. and hope you can soon turn that around.
Let me say, I am less than thrilled about the election results. Labour
always seem to get us in huge debt
etc. See how they go. I like John
Howard. Take care of yourself.
Warm regards, Merle.

tony lawson said...

hi, thanks for your coment, much appreciated. i tried replying directly, not realising it would just be on my blog, but thought i'd try here. thanks for the link too!

Akelamalu said...

I'm happy to read that you cook, that means you eat, which means you're looking after yourself! :)

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds

I'm one of those who also remember interest rates at 17% and high unemployment only too well last time labor where in. Maybe not too much will change with Mr Rudd - he didn't have any new ideas but seemed to say they would do things better. I hope that means better then they run our state of Queensland where he's from.

...Furry Fur - she could do a cover of the song I heard just the other day called "Just a song about ping pong" by a young Aussie band called Operator Please. She would love to ping around to it I'm sure *!*

Anonymous said...

Intellectual kidney beans. You're a riot!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood