HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Gledwood Has Images


YES! To celebrate the amazing future of 2008 I am adding lots of possibly irrelevant images to my daily blog. Do you like this hammy? He looks just like my "8 miles a night" ratwheelrunner Pandable, who lived till three-and-a-half and is hopefully still running the great rat's wheel in the sky as we speak.

Yeah!!

ps have a scroll down for "witty" visual comments on the week's "themes" ...

16 comments:

Unknown said...

Now, that is one really cute hammy!!!

I was in the midst of checking out your other blogs. I don't know how you keep 5 blogs! I am having a rough time just keeping up with my one blog! :)

Happy New Year! xo

Gledwood said...

He has that "hamster surprised" look they do so well...

I only update one blog daily. The others are for youtubes/pictures (now: I only found out how to put up pictures this afternoon) that catch my interest that don't really fit into this one

Merry 2008 to you too

;->...

Kahshe Cottager said...

Just a quick visit Gleds to wish you a very Happy New Year! I am still far behind on blog visits and haven't really posted much yet either. I will start fresh next year! 8-)

Anonymous said...

I bet he tastes like chicken!

Unknown said...

Awww, he is so cute...R.I.P.

Unknown said...

I love the hammy! Reminds me of one we had years ago named Hammy, whose nickname was “The Great Escape Artist.” I hope he has found happiness in the great wheel in the sky.

Vi said...

aaaah, how sweet! Have a geat new year gleddy!!!!

M- Filer said...

That is possibly the most beautiful hamster I have ever seen.

Hey, to answer your question from last week about Madonna's "Santa Baby", it came off of "A Very Special Christmas". I think it was a charity album with a lot of artists, and the cover sported the art of a really famous gay artist, I want to say Herb Ritts but I know it wasn't him....arrggg! I wish I could remember. The Album came out in '87 or '88.

Gledwood said...

Kahshe: yes keep your furry head a-noddin'!

Preposterous: EVERYTHING tastes like chicken; ur probably right!!

Pongo: yeah poor Pandy. Fertalizing the flowers for nearly a decade past now...

Gledwood said...

Nick: I'm sure he has though if it's too small or slow he will be gnashing teeth to complain about it... most vigorous hammy I ever had was Pandable. Rambled literally dusk till dawn with nary a break he did... hence the 8 miles stat. Average Syrian hamsters run "only" five miles a night..!

Vi Vi: cheers: you too! ;->...

M-filer: o! I had never heard of that one before... I wonder if she'll ever put it on her assembled greatest hits... those are the kinda things fans "die" for...

yes it is a beautiful slightly surprised lookin' hamster. I was actually thinkin' of using him as my personal "avatar" monicker, but obviously already have my roboself doing't' same job...

HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR 2008 EVERYONE!!

Mr Farty said...

It's at times like this I wish I spoke Chinese. Cantonese. Mandarin. Satsuma. Whatever.

Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

Clementine probably

CG said...

Happy 2008 from pompomface :) and here's to blogging next year!!

Anonymous said...

yeah!

;->...

Nicole said...

I like the images a lot, it gives you and instant idea of some of the post topics. Nicely done!

Gledwood said...

AT LAST!

I WAS SUCH A HYPOCRITE AS I FOUND OTHER PEOPLE'S PICTURELESS BLOGS SO HEAVY GOING!!!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood