HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, December 07, 2007

Tame Fox and Laundretta Sceeching

I WAS GOING TO WRITE OUT A LONG LONG POST but somehow am not in the frame of mind for posting longlonglongwinded things.

Matran is back on the crack. Laundretta was screaming and yelling at some unearthly hour of the night then stomped off down the stairs to catterwaul and holler on the street last night so I should have known then.

I saw a fox last night! It was literally hand-feeding distance. And I had Jaffa Cakes on me. Of course the necessity of opening the packet scared her off (dunno why but it looked like a she). I threw one down the street and she ran across the road. But the amount of vermin on my street I knew it would not go to waste...

We have pigeons in our pack garden! They sit on a green totally moss covered psychedelically bright tree (well it is under a certain morning light). If I had a camera I'd have photo'd it.

Instead you have to click to see the picture of today. It is Welshcakes with her puppydog Simi ...

Have a pleasant weekend everyone!

*

Video:
Doggie Dating

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

A wolf once crossed my path up north (and i was stoned) that was pretty cool and scarey all at the same time....

I feel sorry for foxes living in huge cities like London, they should be out in the country. The urban sprawl in Toronto is happening so rapidly that we are finding deer stuck on major hwys...oh the power of the almighty dollar!

Have a good one!

Bimbimbie said...

Jaffa Cakes!! .... I would consider joining the vermin for one of those lol *!*

Gledwood said...

Eileen: deer stuck on mighty highways... in this country when you get to Scotland you know you're really in the sticks when you get the roadsign warning of a silhouetted deer in a red circle!! Are these deer coming into the burbs then? Surely not inner cities!!

The foxes prefer being in towns as there's more food for 'em in people's garbage. In the country they get shot at for savaging entire pens full of chickens!

Bimbimbie: can you get Jaffa Cakes in Australia? Mine were Polish or Turkish strawberry flavoured ones (so where "Jaffa" came in I do not know...)

Vincent said...

Foxes in the gardens of London houses? How far out in the city do you live? That's unreal and also a bit sad. Like someone else said as well: they shouldn't (need to) be there...

Puss-in-Boots said...

We have foxes here too. They were originally imported from England in this nation's infancy to provide hunting for the more wealthy Colonial settlers. Now, it's a bit like the rabbits which were imported for the same reason...a very noxious pest. However, we don't have rabbits in Queensland...we have a rabbit proof fence that hundreds of km long to keep them out.

There's your little bit of useless information for the day...

Gattina said...

There were a lot of foxes around Cristal Palace when I used to visit my son in London.

Bimbimbie said...

There are a couple of shops I've stumbled upon that sell some lines of British sweets and food lines and there's one in Sydney that are on line. A couple of years ago I spent a fortune on a sweet fix after walking into one of those shops - walnut whips, walkers crisps, revels, midget gems, black current licqorice and of course jaffa cakes, the original - my Gran always had them in as a treat on Saturday visits *!*

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ So you were feeding a fox or trying to. You have a kind heart.
And fancy Jaffa bickies at that. I am glad your warts didn't come back, gives me some hope that the thing on my nose will disappear. It's like a big pimple, but could be cancerous.
Are you doing any writing these days?
Take care of yourself, Regards, Merle.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Perhaps the fox came back for the jaffa cake as they are intelligent? Thanks for the link, Gleds - Simi and I are flattered!

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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