Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Sunday Slumber


IT'S AROUND THREE THIRTY Sunday afternoon. I am listening to Roald Dahl's The Witches on the radio via the wonders of internet technology. In a minute I am due to go up Mother Hubbs's house. I still look scruffy because my coat's a bit dirty but all my clothes are fresh and clean thanks to my efforts with a bucket, hot water and washing up liquid to get them clean and a cooker top, wok (as giant paper weight thing) and kitchen cupboard as drying board. One certain item made the water run nearly black, but I got it sunlight-fresh again...

Typical me describing Princess Diana's old home yesterday in all it's odd taste I forgot to say how I personally thought the Palace (who aparently have a giant central furniture and rugs store) had deliberately given Diana mismatched stuff. I honestly can't see how she'd have chosen such odd and clashing styles herself.

By the way, on clicking the Wedgwood link I found my favourite design for plates/cups/tureens etc. It is called Florentine Turquoise. Plates are "only" £50/$100 each, so ... hmmm, yeah... a full "service" might set "one" back £2000...

The poem was a joke! It comes from Shakespeare's Passionate Pilgrim... I just wanted to see if anyone recognized it!!

I slept for hours and hours last night and had so many odd dreams.... you will be relieved I am sure to hear that I can barely remember one of them, so no dream-posting today!

Righto I had better go it is getting late and I really don't feel well. I don't know why...

New Year's Eve tomorrow. Wahey!!

***

Video:
Chinese TV Commercial: Automatic Dr
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10 comments:

RubyShooZ said...

Hi. I wanted to stop by and wish you all the best for this new year that is coming and I hope you find some peace - for yourself, from inside yourself.

Peace, love and understanding.

30 December 2007 at 16:17
Gledwood said...

thanks!

hey I finally succeeded in putting an image on me blog - wahey!!!

30 December 2007 at 16:24
mungabombo said...

hello you too.. thanks, and i´m sorry 'bout the language but i´m not that good writing in english.. :) happy new year :)

30 December 2007 at 18:08
Akelamalu said...

Hope you had a lovely day at Mother Hubbs. I hope New Years Eve is a special one for you Gleds, and may the New Year mean a new start as far as health and happiness goes for you. x

30 December 2007 at 18:54
Deb said...

Happy New Year gled.

May you have comfort, warmth, friends and happiness.

I love the little hammy pic....SO cute.

And good job on the image!! Now you're cooking with gas!

30 December 2007 at 19:21
Bimbimbie said...

All the best for 2008 Gleds.

Sweet Hammy image. Hope you are feeling better you trickster you (the poem) *!*

30 December 2007 at 19:39
Gledwood said...

Mungabomo: bet you speak my language better than I speak yours ..!!

Akelamalu: many thanks!

Debs: the hamster looks rather worried and surprised - an expression they seem to do v well

Bimbimbie: I was wondering whether anyone would notice the poem. Or just strongly suspect it wasn't by me and think me a fraud. Or whatever ...!!!...

A HAPPY NEW YEAR
2008
TO ONE AND ALL!

30 December 2007 at 20:59
Anonymous said...

I just love Roald Dalh! Especially the witches... scared me a lot when I was a kid, I should read the book again.

Do you know British author Sue Townsend? She's a great writer, you should read here!

31 December 2007 at 05:36
Gledwood said...

Sue Townsend wrote The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole which is an alltime classic of literature. Yeah!

I lurve your new monicker by the way ...

31 December 2007 at 11:17
Gledwood said...

... you know ... monicker schmonicker ... sunny face thing ... you know what I mean

right~??

31 December 2007 at 11:17

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood