HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

A really cool email

I GOT A FIRST CLASS EMAIL earlier on. From the daughter of a murdered prime minister after a coup d'état in West Africa; she has $8.5 million US inheritance and demands MY ASSISTANCE to get it. I haven't done the reply yet for African email #2, when I get hit for dosh but I'm playing along. I think I will ask HER to help me with a small investment of 2kg best China White heroin plus a token payment of $4 million from the funds she already has. Thank you very much. And I don't promise to pay anything back. This is a donation I'm asking for, not a loan. Actually make it 10kg pure white heroin (brown will be returned by first post (ha! as if!!)) 10kg should last 10 years if you went at it in moderation. I mean I could easily use 2.5g+ in a day without a 10kg stash eating at my attention. At old purities that's 1000mg diamorphine. No wonder methadone wouldn't hold me! I really need 20kgs to be all right. Or 30. Or 40. See why I never went into drug smuggling?

I would never mule for anyone else, no matter how cherry-dripping the offer. Only for my own personal lifetime use. And it must be white H4. No brown crap.

No amount I ever brought over would be enough and I'd need an industrial trolley just to get it across the airport foyer. No way would I supply another with heroin. And I'd only go through countries with guaranteed death penalty for heroin exporters. I wouldn't expect anyone to believe my true story of why I was into heroin trafficking (to feed myself with the pure white heroin I brought back from Burma) which is why I won't get involved. I don't care about dying. I couldn't live with someone taking a lifetimes supply of heroin off me. That would kill me before any firing squad got round to it. (Firing squad with every gun loaded: my favoured method of execution.) If I ever got life in a foreign prison I'd demand a legal review for death. Or just pay someone else to strangle me. (And you think I'm joking? I've read a Thailand prison memoir! I know. Singapore is much better: you get death. As in China. They hanged/shot someone with bipolar disorder so China and drug smuggling sound very attractive to me.

Now back to my email, PLEASE any suggestions for choice phrases to go in. I must be just about believable and totally credulous. PLEASE HELP ME WIND UP SOME INTERNATIONAL FRAUDSTERS.

Please help. I have a west African princess at my disposal. How much should I ask HER for? Really it must be more than one million. Shame her "inheritance" is only 8.5 million US. I could do with 50 million UK myself. Need it to buy a house. Houses in London are VERY expensive. It must be double-fronted. Ideally Knightsbridge within 5 mins walk of Harrods. Or Mayfair, walking distance of Bond Street. Knightsbridge would be far better as Harrods is the best shop in the world. No racks and racks of boring women's clothing like the worst ones. Just stuff stuff stuff, really good stuff. Their hifi dept is second to none.


PS I'm getting a couple of free clonazepam later in the week ~ whooooh!

PPS I'm thinking of giving my medication a miss tonight. I could do with a little mania. I need to clean my house.

Anyway I don't see why I should take a fucking pill just to be half-sane.

doncha love that that blue bedroom wall?

I like the musical phrase when he sings "did you ever stop to notice?..."
that's "inspiration" in the notes

I love the clonk-clonk in this

Illustrated: beyond-the-pale brown; proper white heroin. And that's a miserable portion of B they're putting in the little bowl: 7g IF THAT. Ukk.

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood