HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Rainbow Lorikeets

FEATHERY FRIDAY ON SATURDAY

Rainbow lorikeets are my some of my favourite birds


My Anglo-Aussie friend Bimbimbie has flocks of them in her back garden...
Bimbimbie means "Birdsville" in a mysterious Aboriginal tongue near Brisbane where Bimbs's amazing garden is ...

And don't they look wonderful in the shrubbery. This is from my other Aussie friend Baino's garden....

This is a baby rainbow lorie. Isn't he/she gorgeous..?!?

Don't they look amazing in flight..!!

WISHING Y'ALL A WONDROUS WEEKEND
AND IF IT CAN'T BE WONDROUS MAY IT BE CHARMING
IF IT CAN'T BE CHARMING THEN MAY IT BE TOLERABLE..!


11 comments:

Janice said...

lorikeets are most the attractive of all the parrot family that I think I've even seen.

Thank you for sharing Gled.

Oh, BTW, I did a post on California lawns. I hope it answers your question.

Janice~

Gledwood said...

O thank you I am so fascinated by California Lawns. They are alien to us grass-lawned Brits.

Aren't lorikeets the charmingest? They're a bird with "WOW!" written all over 'em!

Danny said...

i am put in mind of 'jolly ranchers', the sweets, when i look at these birds.

Baino said...

Oy me hearty, ye pinched me parrot! Gorgeous aren't they. I was walking the dog this morning and managed a few more shots. What you don't get in pictures is that they're vicious little bastards and damn noisy. They're easy to tame and if you have a bird feeder come in dozens. My daughter has them skwarking all over her balcony in the morning and surprisingly, despite being so brightly coloured, they're invisible in the tree tops - of course they can't shut the fuck up so are easily found.

Z said...

They are stunning - though those beaks look like they could give quite a peck!

I'm going to Norwich later to have lunch with a blog friend, so I certainly expect the weekend to be at least completely charming. Hope you have a good one too.

lizzydripping said...

nothing to do with bird just a flippin great track:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1IxA4IPu7M&feature=related
enjoy !

DUTA said...

These birds are real cutties! Their colors are so vivid and attractive!

Bimbimbie said...

hehe just read what Baino had to say -one flew into the kitchen one day and hubby got bit for his troubles in its rescue the air was as colourful with his swearing as it was with feathers ;) Their acid like colours remind me of the sour sherbet I used to love when I was a kid. We called it K lie - no idea of the spelling.

Hope you got some decent sleep Gleds*!*

Gledwood said...

Danny: how did I miss Jolly Ranchers I used to LOVE sweets. Do you know my favourites? Refreshers. Used to love 'em! And Black Jacks at half a pee each!

Baino: o you made me LAUGH with that. I'd love to have a pet one, I know it's Politically Incorrect to say it but at least parrots keep still and appreciate human companionship. Actually I'd have 2 one boy one girl to keep each other company. Only my life isnt anywhere near stable enough to be keeping parrots. I'm not even keeping hamsters these days for the same reason. I'd like a chinchilla; I would keep the marble in the freezer so the tubby entertainer could be nice and cold in high summer

Z: I feel OK now. I drank a LITTLE bit more methadone than normal because I had bought some off somebody weeks ago and had it in my kitchen and that's all that could have triggered my current high. I know it's because I'm "bipolar" but I find it weird that I can go up and down like this! (I love the ups though!)

Lizzie: thanks I'll have a listen/look in a sec

Duta: imagine living in Australia where they're wild in the back garden. They say they also live in Indonesia and New Guinea

Bimbimbie: it PECKED him, the swine! It must have looked like an hallucination, all those colours in the kitchen. Next best thing to a pink elephant.

Syd said...

Beautiful birds! Hoping you have a great weekend too, Gleds. Thanks for your comments.

Worldbones said...

This post was insane genius at its best. I don't know where to start.

Seeing as you have an obsession with all things small and furry, maybe you should get a hound of some description? I adopted a whippet and have no choice but to get out twice a day so that's the excersise thing taken care of. Also, it's nice having a critter about the house when you're depressed.

That's all, good morning xx

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood