I AM IN A NORMAL MOOD at long last! It's just after midday and I haven't been to sleep all night. That's because I was up all last night too (and slept yesterday daytime) and I need to get my sleep cycle back. I was feeling tired earlier but I'm fine now. I'm supporting myself on black coffee but striving to be moderate in my use. Last night I had four cups in two hours and started getting racing thoughts, pacing around and feeling hyper. Basically I had drunk too much. I drank cyder to try and bring myself down. One cyder. Which I shouldn't have done. My aim is to be drinking no alcohol at all as soon as possible.
I was feeling horrible earlier on. Horrible and sweaty. But I'd forgotten my methadone. I've drunk it now; I feel fine.
No heroin today. I can't go near it as it would make me sleep, which I don't want. At night I'm hopefully going to sleep anyhow, so gear would be a waste of money.
My sleep has gone all over the place recently and my appetite is lousy. I can't eat very much because I feel this sense of nausea. It's just appetite-loss, not a feeling that I'm actually going to puke. I've had an entire tin of corned beef now. I need to eat the bare minimum anyway. I need to lose weight.
I'm just glad this depressed mood seems finally to have run away. I can never be sure about anything but it's gone for now. I know it always comes back.
There's a mood stabilizer called Lamictal (lamotrigine) that's supposed to counter the downs more than the ups so I'm asking for that.
I'm watching Charlton Heston in Moses. Wish me luck!!!
ADDIO, MAESTRO - *"**When writers die they become books, which is, after all, not too bad an incarnation", *said Borges and it is true that we still have the works to conso...
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