HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

All Creatures Great and Small

(THOSE SHOWN HERE ARE CRITTERS COMMONLY KEPT AS PETS)... bottom left we have an African Pygmy Mouse which is even smaller than a harvest mouse, being about 3cm long... bottom right a Roborovski Hamster of course... about 6cm long but much rounder in the body; these are the smallest hamsters in the world (and the least tame!) TOP: is Hercules, the world's largest dog... in comparison (as you can see ~ duh!) with a horse!... he is an English Mastiff, just like my legendary (and fictional) Gwendolina... the slavering hellhound who chews dolls and pram wheels and bays at the kitchen light...

Have an entertaining day folks!!

I've just heard that Hercules dog is CGI! Looking closely he does have a slightly shiny outline so... here's a new photo (white dog, top) of another "world's largest dog"... Moose... who weighs 286lbs...


PS: If you want to see some real Russian "роборовски"s, clickonthatRussianword...


Rita said...

Cute little rodents. Alas, I have but my computer mouse here with me. But at least it doesn't eat much:) Nice touch adding the tapemeasure in the picture.

Gledwood said...

I looked up "pygmy mouse" on youtube and ended up with a silly ad for "the smallest (computer) mouse in the world"!

Patti said...

We had hamsters when we were little and gerbils too. So cute!

OMG that is one f'in HUGE dog.

Gledwood said...

I bet the dog weighs more than the horse... looks far meatier (if you ever get hungry and desperate...)

Whitenoise said...

Yes, that is one large canine. I'd hate to pay that feed bill, my shep (Alsation to you blokes) is hungry enough.

E said...

Why is a Harvest MOUSE a HAMPSTER?

You never told me what kind of place you are living in now, I guess I will have to read this new blog since I enjoyed reading the first one (although I think I readit backwards). I took my methadone 4 or so hours early and read it non-stop. Did you see the kitten that snuck into the luggage of this dude and on top of it, the wrong guy opened the wrong suitcase and the kitten went running but was eventually returned to its owners who has already plastered the phone poles with "REWARD: Missing Kitten" posters! I dont like cats to much as I am a dog person but when the schitzophrenic lady I take care of told me that hamsters have emotions I looked it up and low and behold hamsters can get depressed! I never would have thought. I know I like hammies more than cats. Late Gleds-- E

zen wizard said...

Well, they say that either walking a dog or a baby in the park is a great way to pick up women.

Apparently, if you walk the world's largest dog, you pick up a woman with a pony.

If he would get a baby and put a riding seat on top of the world's largest dog--I'll bet he would pick up two Japanese twins with an elephant.

Anonymous said...

That is one huge ass dog!

I wouldn't want to be the one on poop patrol that is for sure!

Nessa said...

That dog is just BIG.

ann without wine said...

That dog is ENORMOUS!!! And what cute little critters!

Gledwood said...

Whitenoise: that dog must cost about £5 a day at least to eat... what would it do in the wild? Eat other dogs probably...

E: No connexion except for the rodent one I once saw some live in a special wildlife park setup huge tank thing with maize growing in it and all these tiny mice climbing up and down so when they came to mind again decided to post youtubes of 'em that is all... yeah I have a depressed Chinese hamster he has access to wheels and everything just prefers staying in bed all day! Maybe I ought to put Prozac in waterbottle... maybe not

Zen: I was wondering whether a grown man could ride on that dogs back. Surely it is big enough...

Gledwood said...

Preposterous: ugh DON'T I have a steaming great turd image emblazoned on my brain now... urk!.. now I can SMELL it...

Nessa: big? e-bloody-normous!

Ann: yeah. robos! those pygmy mouse when I googled them 1st time I spelt it pigmy and nothing came up I'd like to get some of them

AintNeverScared said...

OMG (squeals of stereotypical female glee) ... they are adorable and cuddly and tiny!

On the other hand, Amy Winehouse ...what's up. I think the videographer is the one who hit the pipe first. But I got the gist of it ;)

Queen of the Mayhem said...

If you can believe it...I have a friend who breeds, trains, and shows these mastiffs. She adores them! In fact, she has transformed her entire house into a play area for them!

I think I may prefer the tiny hamster....mouse? I don't know!

tommie said...

I am not sure if those are cute or scary!

Not sure which of your blogs you do a TT on, but thanks for visiting mine!

Janice said...


OMG, that's a DOG???

I thought it was CGI?

That's something that LOR might have for the Goblin's to ride.

It must use real car tires for chew toys.


Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds, my vets had that same photo on their wall until they found out it was one of those digitally enhanced jobs *!*

Gledwood said...

Aintnever: Winehouse is truly "cracked" in every way... those tiny tubbies are v nice ... but those African Pygmy mice ... I have seen insects with more bodyweight than those!

Queenof..: I opted for DWARF hamsters bc they were the tiniest and least demanding yet also furry and cute pets I could think of... plus unlike fish (which I really wanted... plus African dwarf frogs (why do all dwarves and pygmies seem to come from Africa?!))... no need to hulk kg upon kgs of WATER around and worry about fly spray (which kills them and we still have enough bugs for 2 episodes of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here in my house...

Tommie: what does TT mean? it is not something rude? like short for "tit" without the "i"..?

Janice: probably it DOES chew real tyres... plus I just found out it quite possibly MIGHT be bloody FALSE I'm sorry

Bimbimbie: ... ark! That is so typical!! Yet I crosschecked the website that should come up in pink when you first read the "blob"... well I found another even bigger (maybe) looking white dog!!

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds .... It was a very convincing photo in the vets surgery at the time, had me fooled I went home and told hubby all about it ... must have had the vets fooled too if they had it on their wall!!

do you know of this site

it has a large and small section too and Moose is on there with a sad footnote.

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood