HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, January 07, 2008

Veal Brains: Two for Ten Dollars

I KID YOU NOT. My local butcher is selling calves' brains (at first I thought it was ready-made microwaveable spaghetti bolognaise) two for five pounds or ten dollars US. I'm not sure why. Do people actually eat these things? (Maybe foreigners do~?) Ukk!

It is dark and cold. Christmas is over, though the council's special lights are still up along the main road. They promised us a dip in temperature over the last two days. Dip? Siberian subzero they should have said!

My "Chinese" takeaway cookery is coming along wizzingly. Best method for egg fry rice is definitely hollow out a "well" in the middle of rice in the pan, crack an egg into this "well", vandalize the egg with a fork, allow to begin cooking, then, when about half done, rapidly stir into the rest of the rice. This gives lovely ricey clumps and makes the eggs integral to the dish, rather than the other method, which basically just treats scrambled egg as yet another ingredient in the stir-fry...

I've not a lot to say today as I'm tired and bleak. Well a bit. We had a miserable morning: all wanting drugs and our favoured dealers switched off. (Dunno what's wrong with them.) I'm plotting my escape from all this scene so it's no great loss if they do all retire on me. Eventually I accompanied French Pascal on a ten minute walk to a place where I used to live... he was funny. Not one but TWO drug deals went on pretty openly before our eyes and he missed both of them. And HE calls ME dopey!!

On an "alternative" note I'm reading Leap of Faith: Memoirs of Queen Noor of Jordan. A fascinating book, especially if you're into Israeli-Palestine or Middle Eastern politics...

I hope your day went better than mine everyone. Peace!

Video of the Day:
Queen Noor of Jordan: Life in Pictures


***

Come here for some really entertaining pictures...

***

"BAYING ALERT!" 100% TRUE! I heard a radio documentary this evening about the New Guinea singing dog which is a rare bordering on endangered breed and said to be the oldest breed of dog alive today ... (clickonit for the Radio 4 info page...)

I've got a video of New Guinea singing dogs on my pets blog which I shall post up here tomorrow...

Hey I've just found the New Guinea Singing Dogs Conservation Society link (http://www.canineworld.com/ngsdcs) ~ which has a silhouetted doggie baying soulfully as its trademark ... I am in my element ("LOL"!!!)

(Click here for a link with one of the furry bayers lying down...)

39 comments:

lime said...

ack, i was trying to eat lunch here!!!!

as for the book, i have been wanting to read that for the longest time.

Gledwood said...

you mean queen noor's memoirs?

they're really good. not full of tacky "reconstituted" dialogue (ie that she cannot remember at all but it's only included to make it more novel-like) or any other tacky modern crapola. it's just memories told as memories and most fascinating

Casdok said...

You have a butchers?!!

Deb said...

ugh, those brains!! Some people eat anything.

Nope, not a good day here either, as you know from my blog.

I like the pictures you posted...so cute.

Gledwood said...

Casdok: I have a butchers? What do you mean? I don't OWN a butchers... there IS ONE NEAR ME... what else was I sposed to mean... I'm confused now... boo-hoo ... please put me outta my misery and explain what on earth you're trying to say...

Debs: brains: yukky I totally agree...

hammies: very furry and entertaining otherwise I wouldn't BOTHER with the fat tubby swines!

I know you had a shit day and I'm v sorry... Debs I have to say that is shit bordering on SERIOUSLY bizarre...

inherwritemind1 said...

Hi,

Thanks for visiting my blog. Glad you liked the wacky photos. (I think your link to me isn't working.)

You have more blogs than Planters has peanuts!

Cheers,
Tena

Gledwood said...

i always love an unusual image...

my link to you... hang on...

blogs? you mean my OWN I only have about 6, come on!

or are you talking 'bout my blogROLL yeah there's a lot there but half of them never ever reply to my comments so really they're personae non gratae!

\;-)

Casdok said...

I mean you have a butchers shop near you? I thought they had all gone since the big supermarkets! I havent seen a butchers for years!
Hope you feel better now! :)

Z said...

I've never eaten brains, nor seen them for sale. They look revolting, but I think I'd have to give 'em a go. I've cooked and eaten sweetbreads, which are a gland of some sort, and they were good.

Casdok, I live near a very small country town and there are three independent butcher's shops. No major supermarkets though, which is all to the good.

Lana Gramlich said...

Veal brains??? Ewwwwwwww!

jan said...

Thanks for visiting the Poodles and dogs. We enjoy your comments.

The brains reminded me of a time when I was young and my best friend's brother married a girl from Europe--I can't remember which country. Anyway she fried up a bunch of brains for us one day. We never visited again while she was there. They may have tasted great, but we'll never know.

zen wizard said...

Is there some ethnic group that eats calve's brains?

I have heard of Chinese eating monkey brains--in fact I think it's a delicacy.

But I have never heard of calves' brains.

My dad used to eat some really weird country stuff, like pickled pigs' feet.

yellowdog granny said...

oh cute...we had a house fullof them little hamsters once..they mulitiply and divide...
and brains are really good..I like all the organ meats except for kidneys...you can boil the piss out of them and they still stink..

Gledwood said...

Casdok: o I see what you mean... o yeah we have quite a lot of independent butchers round here... the best ones are the halal butchers (no squealy swinefleisch!) (pork) (sorry :: attack of the German there...)

Z: no i wouldn't eat them... I'm v conservative about what I eat regarding meat. Just beef/lamb/chicken and only normal cuts. No offal, brains, udders or anything odd like that for me!

Lana: yes! I could hardly believe it either. I honestly thought they were pasta when I first caught sight...

Gledwood said...

Jan: yeah that's the odd sort of thing that happens in European countries, I'm afraid. They're not as squeamish as the Brits and far less squeamish than Americans... e.g. the French still eat horsemeat far as I know... have you ever heard of black pudding? it's a famous Northern English "delicacy" ... basically dried cows' blood. (can't even think about it...) I still remember being given a crab sandwich as a kid. Honestly I could not believe people would actually EAT that thing with clackery pincers and eyes on stalks I saw darting about rockpools on the beach...

Zen Wiz: mmmm pigs trotters. hmmm. the Chinese still sell dogs at market so I hear... as fresh (live) MEAT. ukk!!

Yellowdog Gran: I don't like offal at all!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, Gleds. Love the hammy pics! Bless! Been rather depressed myself last few days so sorry not been over. Hate Queen Noor - but then I hate any woman with long legs!

Lots of love from Sicily, Gleds - Simi and me xx

Gledwood said...

i will post up the singing dogs of new guinea vid tomorrow. i bet you will like that!

Greeneyes said...

☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆Hi there ☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆great pics ☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆Hope your having a great day ! ☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆Got the stars from your comment on my Blog ;-)
Gotta say , I likey!!

Take care

Steve said...

Mostly vegie myself these days. But the Chinese can make anything look and taste delicious. Actually my mother, who grew up in Germany, cooked brain sometimes. That and kidneys were the two I couldn't handle. The smell of it cooking drove me out of the house. She stopped cooking it when I was around.

But I was gonna ask, what happens when you can't get your drugs? To you physically I mean. How long can you go without? How's your plot to escape going? we're al here to help if we can. We want to read that book of yours, not Queen Noor's.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Deep fried crumbed brains are delish!

Edyta said...

gleeeeds.
:(
i got ill!
gingivitis strickes me the whole time in britain :S
damn it!

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds .... I remember seeing black pudding and tripe in a shop window when I was little and wanting to know what they where. Can't believe anyone would eat brain in light of getting ma∂ cow syndrome!

I should have said my niece with the Hammie is in the UK. Your new sign off stars - is it just my tired eyes? but they sort of look like hammie faces eyes, nose and full pouch cheeks ... might help if you squint *!*

Hope today is a brighter one for you.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Your photos are great of the robos. Thanks for posting them.
Hope you are doing well my friend.
Take care. Regards, Merle.

RUTH said...

Hi Gleds
In answer to your question on my blog...I load all my photos onto Picasa and they have an option for making collages.
Rx

CrystalChick said...

disgusting and horrible, but I watched a movie many many years ago... faces of death, I think, and there is a ritual where they eat a live monkeys brain... or something like that. I hadn't thought of that in a long time but when I saw those brains that's what popped into mine.

'siberian subzero' .... i wish it were cold here, like it's supposed to be in winter, but no, today it's about 50 now with a high of 74

Gledwood said...

Greeneyes: Yeah!:☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆.¸¸.☆*´¨`*☆...and you keep winking at me :->

Steve: The book is plodding along I am still with it but slowly. I am trying to stick to a methadone course I am on so I'm not using heroin all day every day any more... when I used not to get it (and obviously I made every effort not to let this happen) I started to feel very run down and miserable and cold and bellyachey and uncomfortable and maybe a bit sweaty... this passed into a fever with retching, a feeling of having a hair stuck in the throat you can never get out, muscle cramps etc... really severe withdrawals make the body twitch allover like you're on insecticide but in reality most people never get that ill because they score before then and if they want to stop they go on a rapid medication reduction in a clinic (dihydrocodeine, methadone or buprenorphine most typically or buprenorphine/naloxone mixture) But basically you do all you can NOT to let this happen. Methadone is a bit like a nicotine patch though. It takes away most of the physical cravings but not the urge to light up and smoke!

ViVi: Have you actually tried them? OOook!!

Edyta: Bleeding gums? Try Corsodyl mouthwash it seems to be the strongest over the counter thing for that. Also gargling salty water or myrrh essential oil in water. But Corsodyl probably works best

Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: TRIPE is one of the worst. What ON EARTH is it except white fatty stuff? And why do middle aged male beer-stinking men seem to love it fried for breakfast? I'll never know... O I see what you mean about your neice being in the UK because hamsters are considered a verminous plague by the Australian govt. Hmmm! :-]

Merle: They're not my own pictures (I wish!) that's why I carefully phrased it "looks like"... Having said that all Robos DO look the same, markings-wise, and Pandable WAS a naturally coated golden hamster just like the one pictured...

Ruth: I've never heard of picasa but I bet they're at www.picasa.com and will answer all my queries... you are dead advanced with this picture bizz!

Crystalchick: Did you know "bushmeat" ie eating monkeys is meant to have caused the Ebola plague in Africa - as well as being the root cause of HIV... seriously. And monkey brains are meant to be a delicacy. Ukk! Not really "Siberian" it was maybe hovering around zero degrees C... what do you mean 70... in New Jersey~?!?

TK Kerouac said...

gledwood

if you send you email address to me

I will send you an invite to my private blog

tkkerouac@gmail.com

I couldn't see your email here

Gledwood said...

OK!

I tried that before but...

... yeah ok

Gledwood said...

i get paranoid about posting my email up bc iv been told it's sposed to be bad but then again half the world knows it but not the half that NE£EDS it at the time seemingly haha

:-\

!!











.

zen wizard said...

Well, after an Englishman says he won't eat something, we don't really need to bother THE RABBI about the issue, now, do we?

I say this in light of:

1) Blood Pudding
2) Jellied Eels
3) Toad in the Hole
4) Bangers and Mash (not really that bad, just hard to get around THE NAME...)
5) Spotted Dick (Really--can't we PLEASE start calling it, "Dermatologically-Challenged Richard"???)

...ad infinitum...

CrystalChick said...

yikes, I keep forgetting the differences here. I mean 70 as in 70 degrees fahrenheit, not celsius.
It's warmer than it's supposed to be this time of year but certainly not tropical. LOL

Gledwood said...

O c'mon Zen Wizz! Get real! Fair enough the first two are DISGUSTING but the last three it's just the names. Spotted dick is traditional English steamed sponge pudding with little currants (that's the "spots" I really don't know where "dick" comes from... but then again, talking about hilarious uproarious laughing at hmmmm.... at least twice when riding the Picadilly line I've witnessed American tourists almost cacking themselves with amusement over the terminus' name "Cockfosters" woo! haha!
Anyway toad in the hole is sausages in "batter" (not what I'd call batter: more like Yorkshire pudding, if you know what that is...)... toad in the hole is really nice... what was that other one? Bangers and mash. No not fireworks but sausages again. Nice. Mashed potato is just about THEEE most superior format of the potato "thang". Don't be put off by names!

Crystalchick: hang on but 70F is still late spring or a mediocre summer day, surely..? And it's JANUARY and you're in NEW JERSEY! C'mon that is SEVERE global warming!

Akelamalu said...

Those brains look revolting - I couldn't be persuaded - no way!

How's your escape plan faring?

Gledwood said...

hmmmm I gotta get my multimillion pound "baying gwendolina"/memoirs advance first i'm 'fraid

:-\

Steve said...

You can fill in your email in the blogspot profile template. Then it won't actually show on the web, but if someone clicks on it, it will open their email program and it will show there.

Thus some program can't scan your blog for your email, but people can still email you.

In My Profile,
click edit profile, then under identity, the second option is email address. Fill that in. It won't show on your profile. But "Email" under Contact in your profile will be an active link.

Gledwood said...

o! ok i will try that

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood