HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Robo-tainment!

AS I SAID ON SUNDAY, I did sleep a long, long time... 10pm Saturday till 6pm Sunday. Though I did awaken in the middle of that and have highly entertaining times playing with my tubby trotters as they rambled all three at once on their wheel... I even promised them a "pet pygmy mouse"... (imagine that... who would take Mousie for walks? Baby Itchy holding the leash..?) At one point I took the the wheel out, so the three ended up running anticlockwise circuits, like a pygmy hamster Grand National... They were fairly well-behaved compared to normal: Bashful only tried to bite me once; Spherical still affects to be utterly terrified of my mere presence... though she will surreptitiously sneak up and sniff my hand when she thinks I'm not looking... and is content to sleep with her head poking right out of the biggest toilet tube... so she's not that scared. No Mongolian Pygmy Hamster (that's what Roborovskis are) would dare relax head-out-of-burrow in the wild! They'd swiftly get eaten!! I am slightly concerned about Itchy as I've had her for over 6 months now, surely she is fully grown... and yet weightwise ~ she is half the size of Spherical! This is all very cute, and does make her look more like a Porkshire Terrier than anyone else when she's been licked and groomed and her fur bashed up... but she is most certainly underweight and I'm not sure why... or how... or whether it's a bad thing... or whether even I should breed her with a tiny male robo to produce an ultra-tiny pygmy hamster strain!

***

DID NO-ONE LIKE MY STARWARS VIDEO? It is fantastic... if it's no longer up above then have a click (here) yourself...

Monday's Video of the Day:
Sleepy Kitten (short and very sweet indeed..!)

25 comments:

Patti said...

I can't ever see the videos as I blog here at work. :(

IVY said...

What made you get so interested in these creatures? YOur entire interest in them is interesting and strange./ I mean, why pygmy hamsters or chinese hamsters- why not whales or porcupines or some exotic animal that hardly anybody has in their house but is barely legal? In seattle they only recently made it legal to have a goat as a pet..

please stop by my page again some time. I think you will have something to say this time

zen wizard said...

My new firewall won't let me get videos, but I will take your word that they are good.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I viewed the videos! Enjoyed them very much I must say.

molson said...

Gledwood, you asked about heather and heatherline on one of my most recent postings. There is no heather in the Rockies of North America that I know of. There are srub like willows that are common in the Rockies. One type is arctic willow which can be seen in the foreground of this photo posted on my blog. I'm glad you liked the photo of the pika. It is the only pika I have ever been able to take a picture of. The things never sit still long enough as they ping all over the alpine tundra. I do enjoy watching the pikas whenever I'm in the mountains.

Nessa said...

The Star Wars was fun and the kittie is so cute.

CrystalChick said...

I always liked the Star Wars flicks. The 'old spice' music was taken from Carmina Burana, an absolutely wonderful ballet that I saw last year in Philadelphia. It was a premiere of a new choreography and so fabulous I know if it comes next year, I'll be wanting tickets bad.

Can't really say I'm into techno, but the original music is obviously very powerful so I'm sure it's inspiring to many and they did a decent job on this.

Janice said...

Hi,

I don't think you should breed your tiny hampster it might go wrong, and it would break your heart if it killed her.

Janice~

Bimbimbie said...

hi gleds, just quickly breezing in to reply to your comment re the flag. I like the fact that most people here don't want to change it - it's part of the history of this country - as young as it is in comparison to UK and Europe. People have fought and died under the flag it means a lot to many people and it should be respected - I don't believe history should be messed around with *!*

I'll pop back to see your videos and catch up on your posts *!*

Vi said...

My kids want hamsters, by I have hard enough tiem trying to keep my house clean, let alone a hamsters cage!

WAT said...

Oh these animals u speak of are too adorable.

20 hours of sleep mate? TWENTY HOURS?! WOW! I mean, WOW!

Nicole said...

Hello Gled! I'm terribly behind in the blog department. The good news is that we might actually get our own internet connection end of this week (Then I'll have more time)! Fingers crossed! I'm just busy with unpacking boxes that we shipped from Amsterdam and preparing a CV for a job I'd like to apply for. Hope you're having a good week! N.

jim dandy said...

That sleepy kitten is the size my 13 pound fur ball was when I first got her. She still sleeps just like that too. On her back, in my arms. sweet!

Queenie said...

What you like, Porkshire terrier! hope things are going OK sweetheart.

Akelamalu said...

I liked the lightsabre fight it really fit with the music well.

Gledwood said...

Patti: haven't you got a computer at home..? You can always watch with the sound down...

Ivy: hamsters... yeah up until the 90s they were considered children's pets... now they're really trendy with young urban professionals as their housing's so compact... why hamsters? Well I'd really have liked tropical fish but the zillions of litres of water, plus pumps, filters, tubes, lights, heaters etc etc makes 'em a bit complicated for me at the moment... hamsters are the nearest thing to real live soft toys you can get... my robos are the only pets I've ever had where the novelty's not worn off even 1% they are so incredibly entertaining you would not believe it... also they're definitely NOT pets for children. Too little, too fast, too wriggly! And they don't like being handled!

ZenWizz: hang on then your firewall's semi defeating the object... if it won't let things through you DO want... know what I mean..??

Preposterous: do tell if you like today's pika....

Gledwood said...

Molson: hey just for you I posted up pikas on youtube!

Nessa: the Star Wars is excellent, isn't it~?!?

Crystal: when I mentioned "old spice music" I wasn't sure whether anyone outside these British isles would get what I meant... was that ad on in America too? the one with the guy surfing that enormous roller....

Janice: hmmm I know what you mean she is so tiny she might explode if she got preggers with little pink maggot baby robbies...

Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: that was a great comment on the flag I'm totally with you there

Vi: oh you only have to clean out their toilet corner regularly ... the rest can keep for once a fortnight really though the books will claim once a week is best... they really aren't much of an imposition... houseplants are FAR more difficult to look after!

Wat: hmmmm FAR TOO MUCH sleep... I know... maybe I'm turning INTO a hamster...

Nicole: Best of luck with getting reconnected! Congratulations!!

Gledwood said...

JimD: that was a really sweet vid wasn't it... I had a kitten so tiny she could sit on the palm of my hand like a hamster! We didn't buy her though, her mother gave birth in one of our outbuildings so we had the cats from a v young age

Queenie: I'm OK... yes Itchy is my Tiny Porkie!

Akelamalu: the lightsabring was amazing wasn't it!

CrystalChick said...

I remember hearing the music was used in an old spice commercial but I don't remember actually seeing it. I'm sure it was here too.

Gledwood said...

I remember it from probably the late 70s early 80s in Britain it was an ad that ran for years and years... maybe 10 years or more... though in the end it was mostly on around Christmas time...

featured a v tanned looking surfer... you could only see the human body shape no close ups and a MASSIVE rolling wave curling absolute classic rolling into shore...

that's the Old Spice Ad we used to get it wouldn't surprise me if it was the one you remember as the production values were v high they'd obviously spent a lot of money on that esp. for the time...

TOM said...

Gled, I like the Pika's!!

Gledwood said...

up until yesterday I thought pika meant 12 point typewriter font as opposed to elite, which is 10 point...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood