HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Chicken with Green Peppers and Black Bean Sauce


YESTERDAY I made the all-famous chicken green peppers (actually, mine were red) in blackbean sauce with rice and peas. Eggfried rice I try later today...
Here's how I did it.
Ingredients:
(SERVES ONE:~~)
1 lb (about 450g) boneless chicken breast
One red bellpepper
One jar Sainsbury's own blackbean sauce
One sachet Uncle Ben's boil in bag basmati rice (this actually serves 2 so if you are sad and lonely like me just save 2nd half in fridge for tomorrow)
Stork Margarine for frying (check that the marge you use has at least 60% fat content; otherwise you'll end up with a pan full of spitting oilwater which needs frying off first. Posh people with cooking oil already in their houses are better off using that...)
Handful frozen peas.

(I added peas to the rice as boiled is so boring...)
Originally I tried to have the rice boiling and the chicken frying simultaneously. However, after a brief burst of heat and ten minutes with neither pan coming to boil I realized my cooker fuse must have gone yet again!
Desperately I sought out a butterknife to undo plug.
Philips crew on plug too fine for my knife.
Eventually I used chicken-chopping knife to open out plug.
Removed fuse. Toyed briefly with idea of placing tinfoil in its place. Whole idea seemed too dangerous so I replaced fuse and tried again with just one electric ring on.
Yes. It worked. Boiled "in-bag" rice for ten minutes. Five minutes into this add a handful of frozen peas. Do this bit by bit over about a minute and their frozenness won't impair the boiling process.
Drain rice and peas pan.
Chicken:
Cut it into thin chopstick-manageable strips.
I was shocked how much like smoked salmon the raw chicken appeared, and how easily my characteristically blunt knife sliced on in! My hands were left really sticky from handling this meat. But I licked them clean soon enough (joke!) In fact I was so paranoid about having handled raw chicken everything that had been near it got treble washed with a brand new scrubber!
Bring oil to boil first and chuck chicken straight in.
Fry for a good ten minutes until browning very slightly. In the takeaway (and remember this is authentic takeaway food, not authentic food from China!) they never spice Chicken in the wok (or pan if you're me) because the flavouring's in the sauces which come on last.
When you're sure chicken's thoroughly cooked (test by cutting the biggest bit) add chopped bellpepper. One pepper per portion is required. Fry for two minutes.
Add enough blackbean sauce to totally cover entire contents of pan (about a quarter or third of a jar (if you're stingy you can add less and top up with water (would I do a thing like that?))) Cook in for about 2 mins.
~Arrk! Nearly forgot. Added tiny pinch chili at end of chicken/peppers cooking.
Eat.
Seriously I am not that easily impressed especially by my own "culinary" efforts but what I conjured last night was JUST THE SAME as the local Chinese for a THIRD of the price.
Wooooh!!

*

FRIED RICE: does anybody have a good recipe for this?
Do you fry straight-from-the-packet rice directly in oil?
Or do you cook rice first in water?
Here's a recipe for mixed vegetable fried rice but it states rice should be cooked first. The Chinese recipes I dug up yesterday (eg this one) seemed to imply raw rice should be fried... can you really do this?

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!

16 comments:

Liz said...

I love your knife/screwdriver! My sort of DIY that is.

I'm glad your meal was such a success. You must keep us informed and tell us which sauces really taste like the takeaway. I bought a jar of chipshop curry sauce once and it didn't taste like chipshop curry sauce.

That's an amazing description of your OD. Keep battling, gleds. Life is good and precious and so are you.

I think I've worked out how to stop your blog freezing on me so I should be able to visit more often again.

Hobbes said...

Interesting Putin clip--can a Hillary one be far behind?
Happy New Year. Thanks for stopping by "Stuffed Animal Tales."

Akelamalu said...

Not sure if this is how you're supposed to make egg fried rice but it works for us.

Boil your rice then drain and leave to dry.

Beat the egg(s) and stir fry quickly but don't overcook they should be still a bit sloppy.

Add the rice and heat through. I add a few frozen peas as well to give it a bit of colour.

Let me know if you try it but don't blame me if you don't like it will you? :)

jim dandy said...

I would watch videos of you cooking. It sounds most entertaining. Improvising is the only way to cook!
"Cooking With Gleds"

Kahshe Cottager said...

This is the recipe I use but it feeds four or more depending on appetites. You can adjust it for smaller portions easily enough.

Fried Rice

4 cups cold cooked rice
2 slices ginger
4 eggs
1/2 cup frozen peas
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 green onions
4 tablespoons oil

Heat oil and sweeten with the ginger. Scramble eggs in oil and add the rice. Stir fry until the grains separate; add peas, salt, and soy sauce. Stir fry meat, shrimps and onion and add to other mixture. Stir fry until combined and serve.

You cooking exploits are becoming daring and sound quite tasty!!

Loved the 'baby' pictures - they are adorable!

Happy New Year!!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Wow! That looks wonderful! You wouldn't have had too much rice if you'd invited me over!!!!

Great job on the photo!

Gledwood said...

Liz: Can you explain what you did to get my blog back properly? Or is it one of those things you have to show someone if so I wouldn't blame you for not being able to explain. I remember not knowing what a "toolbar" was...

Re sauces that Sainsbury's one was AS GOOD as the Chinese takeaways. Also had the distinctive slightly burnt flavour. Really good and cheap. 71p for about half a litre.

Hobbes: IF Hills gets into power she will become a global icon. Of comedy, entertainment everything. That much is for sure. After all she is the most prominent 1st lady of the 20th century along with Nancy Reagan. The Bush women barely registered over here

Akelamalu: Do you know what I think that IS what those crap recipes meant but didn't explain. I fried up the remnants of that boiled rice from last night this morning and it was perfect. Also I added rice LAST, AFTER the vegetables stir-fry so it came out nice

Gledwood said...

Jim: I might start youtubing them once I get out of that craphole and can live somewhere with properly locking doors, broadband, satellite TV etc... hmmm that seems a distant fantasy yet to most people it is normality

Kahshe: I am going to try that eggscrambling thing tonight! thanks

Real Live: aha! I have an admission: that was a stock internet illustration got from googling "chicken black bean" on images...sorry. mine was far better than THAT I can assure you haha!

Nicole said...

I am so thrilled to see you are cooking Asian food now! Well done! You can make "fried rice" with any vegetables you've got. Basically, it's a dish that was made with left-over rice and stuff people had lying around. You can add small shrimp, or shredded left-over roasted meat too if you like. Spring onions go well, peas, bean sprouts... really, anything. It's easy because the concept is always the same. Fry your vegetables in the wok first, add the seasoning and rice and heat through.

I like Kahshe Cottager's recipe a lot.

Gledwood said...

Nicole: yes it is a good recipe. I bought Chinese 5-spice (only thing I could find containing Star Anise; but 5-spice is v heavy on ginger)... also I far prefer the American "cups" system I am going to try and find some they are far more practical than shoving everything on scales (I think)... spring onions v good idea (more exotic, yeah!)...

I haven't tackled that old wok yet but... you know people say about woks you should NEVER put detergent on them and ALWAYS coat in oil... if I start bicarbing it/or soaking it won't it go rusty?

Akelamalu said...

Glad it worked for you but you do know you have to be careful about reheating rice don't you. I'm not sure you're supposed to leave it overnight! :(

Anyway you're still here writing so it must have been OK. :)

Gledwood said...

I've heard you have to be careful leaving rice too long in the fridge as it can grow a fungus... which is uniquely "rice" food poisoning, you really have to be careful. But overnight refrigerated is OK. (Well that's what I've found...) (personally...) (hmmm...)

:->

Vincent said...

Good stuff mate. That fuse-bit was funny, made me laugh, sorry ;-)

Btw: NEVER replace a fuse with foil, alright? The fuse is there for a VERY good reason.

Gledwood said...

i know I have been told you can put a nail in...

a stupid old junkie told me about the foil

i honestly couldn't see how it would stay in, whispy silver foil without half poking out into the other part of the plug and blowing everything sky high...

then I realized they probably meant "roll the foil into a fuse-shaped barrel and replace with that

still i wouldn't have the bottle, let alone the stupidity for that

a junkie once dropped a cigarette lighter into my toaster (which was lying on the floor next to a seat, in a very drop-in-able position)... anyway I started making toast when BANG! at 4am. I nearly cried. the lighter thankfully was a mini Clipper & nearly empty but got a huge hole in it

NEVER AGAIN

and don't worry nothing but fuses (of the RIGHT amperage) are going in MY plugs

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood