HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Capsicum Chicken Sandwich/Lea & Perrins/Egg Fried Rice/Baby Itchy





OK THIS POST BEGAN with my chicken and peppers sandwiches craving... hopped on to egg fried rice as I got some free eggs today (already have eggcups-full of rice (haha!!)), the red peppers are the ones I particularly like when I feel flush. They're stronger and less watery than red bellpeppers. The top picture looks more like "poor Baby Itchy Roborovski" than anything else I've seen (especially robopictures)... (she is poor because just about every time she manages to get 5 mins rest there I am again poking her out of the nest saying "come out you tiny trotter!" or something stupid like that)... ahem... anyway... Imagine having a doggie like that you can cradle in the palm of your hand? That's what Itchy's like... I'd TRY to get a photo of her but most of my pets photos turn out so unflattering... like that 3cm long ~ with ruler ~ African pygmy mouse pic, which has the mouse all extra-pointy-nosed, like one of the devil's sprites from hell... (read on for further details...)

And re Lea and Perrins*... This was inspired by a radio programme I heard the other day... while I was sleeping... it inspired the weirdest dreams... I just found out this is an international phenomenon... is this true? I had always assumed it was a British secret. Like Marmite, Oxo, HP Sauce, marmelade, Vindaloo/Balti/Tikka etc.... I had a click on their supposedly "American" website. At first I thought all the British expressions were there to be quaintly Lea and Perrinsy. Then I saw the recipe was given in British style weights and not "cups" (which are an American invention ~ and far more handy if you want my view). Hmmm. Actually ... with a bit more clicking... I just found the Great Lea & Perrins International Converter Page... If anybody has great things to say about Worcester Sauce you know where to comment...

Here is a joke I promised a friend...

A sinner died and went to hell. He was undergoing the Introductory Guided Tour (TM) by the Devil to pick what torture he was to suffer for all eternity. "You have three options," he was informed. "Look first, then take your choice."

Option one: A pit full of fleas where naked men were being alternately whipped and then poked with hot irons. "No thank you!" thought the sinner.

Option two: A boiling hot room, flames shooting from the floor. Men stretched out on racks of sharp irons as molten lead dropped on all over their sizzling bodies.

"No WAY!" he said aloud.

Option three: A canal full of the most inglorious human sewage. Men were submerged up to their necks in the foul slime, hardly able to breathe for the sheer stench of it. Diarrhoea was dripping off their hair...

"Well, if it's a choice of those three, I'll have to go for the last," said the sinner without hesitation.

The Devil passed the sinner over to the Chief Demon.

Gratefully our sinner submersed himself in the putrid slimes. Only a minute had passed when a call rang out from the Chief Demon. "OK ~ tea break's over lads. Back on your heads!"


DO YOU WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING POETIC?
Listen to this:
A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers...


IN THE NEWS:
Dwarves hide in luggage to rob long-distance coaches...


*ps I don't know why I'm pretentiously calling it "Lea & Perrins" to be "international"... EVERYBODY in Britain (except the stupid lady at the intro to the radio prog I flagged up above which I am "listening to again" who insists on "Worcestershire" ~ dur!... calls it Worcester Sauce which is pronounced "Wooster" the oo as in "foot"...

pps did you know (despite the legally required "best before date" on all modern bottles) even the manufacturers agree that Worcester sauce gets better and better over years and years well past the sell-by date...

Videos:
Harvest Mouse on Grass Stalk
Harvest Mice on Wheel
African Pygmy Mice Nibbling Cheese
(Winter White Russian Hamster) Laid-Back Spaghetti... (this one's new and really funny...)


Has NOBODY listened to my Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers by Xiaolu Guo? You MUST do... it is dead poetic... about a love affair between a 23 year old exchange student from the People's Republic of China and a rather odd 44 year old English guy... she is studying English... and partly in pidgin, she speaks pure poetry. If you WANT to listen, you must click before the weekend's out, as it comes in 5 daily episodes only saved for seven days, so by Monday episode 1 shall sadly have disappeared....

... Wow! I got all six continents again! ...

16 comments:

Patti said...

Yep we have lea & perrins in the states! Your post is certainly all over the landscape Gledwood LOL and.. making me hungry might I add!

Gledwood said...

haha! I'm just off to cook Egg Fly Lice... sorry nonegg boiled rice... chuck rice in fridge for 30 mins... fry chicken (in lea and perrins maybe!!) and have lovverly chicken fried rice... eggs are not allowed in this as I think chicken & eggs together is somehow sick...

Emperor Ropi said...

well, your mean sounds heavy. I have bad stomach.

Gledwood said...

mean? you mean meal~?!?

that was 2 meals... the chicken peppers sandwiches actually I had yesterday...

today I had chicken fried rice... preroasted chicken stirfried in chili-oil and a few dashes Lea~'n'~Perrins then the rice chucked over and fried highheat atop it... luvvery jubberly!!!

;->...

Akelamalu said...

I've had a bottle of 'Wooster' sauce for years and yes, it does get better with age. I particularly like it in a bloody mary but I do use it in cooking too. :)

Gledwood said...

I had to tell the pronounciation ~::~ haven't you seen the TV ad with that woman from the American deep south calling it "Wor-ssester-SHYRE saaausss!"?!?

... & as for bloody Maries::~ indispensible!

Deb said...

Lea & Perrins is one of my favorites. My dad calls it "WorCHESTER sauce". My mum in law soon set me straight on the correct pronunciation.

We also have Oxo, Marmite, etc.

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds, Marmite, Oxo, HP Sauce Lea and Perrins.are all available and well used over here.
I think ill go cook some flyed lice for dinner and add egg. Take care be back soon

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds

I have some Worcestershire sauce in my pantry...I always have some. You can have it with so much!

What's wrong with chicken and eggs together? Apart from the fact that it may be mother and child...

See, I'm as warped as you...heheh!

Thanks for your comments, Gleds. It's good to hear from you. BTW, I actually have another post up today...been a bit slack this week, but the post will tell you why.

Cheers!

Steve said...

Gled, thanks for the link to the Concise English-Chinese Dictionary. It's great. Listening to first episode right now.

Capsiacin is my favorite food category. Here's a thank you for the story link.

Thank You

Gledwood said...

Debs: Marmite in Canada... is it popular..? As the advertising says here "you either love it or hate it"... I love it as was fed it as a baby... can understand why non-baby-initiates would hate it though!

Jeanette: didn't know you had HP Sauce Down Under! (you learn something new every day...)

PussInBoots: yeah Worcester Sauce rules!

Steve:... hey I'm glad someone liked that Chinese English Dictionary for Lovers... I thought it was fantastic!

Shadow said...

as useful as sell by dates may be, we all know certain things last way beyond them. however, when you have a bean like i do, he merrily tosses everything in the dustbin once that date has arrived... quite annoying sometimes. oh, and they get me into huge poo poo too. i tend to buy impulse stuff and they end up in the freezer. once hubby pulled something out there that was 2 years gone and had a fit! okay, i would also toss it, but he needn't know about that. proves once again, men shouldn't go into freezers when there's a woman around the house....

Gledwood said...

i found some lovely food yesterday... in a cardboard box, on the street... pasta sauces, tea, etc etc... all long past its sellby date. I opened a bottle of peach juice a year and a half past "best before"... put it to nose - fine. No fermenting fizzing... drank the whole thing. Absolutely perfect!

Akelamalu said...

Ah I've read the joke now, I've heard it before but it's still funny! I don't know how I missed it before I must have been concentrating on the Lee & Perrins or maybe I subconciously bypassed it as it didn't go with the food content of the post too well. :)

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood