HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Haily Monday: Robo Robbery!/Chicken Mayo Sandwich



I'VE JUST HAD TO RUN INSIDE to take shelter from a massive hail-attack! Spraying everywhere like stinging polystyrene beads it comes zinging down..! Massive gusts of wind trumpeted off into the bargain. A real "funny half hour" from the weather...

Yeah... Haily Monday! OK the hailstones weren't quite as big as illustrated... I found those on an imagesearch... if you clickonit, the picture should come out giant-sized and then you should see close up how each golfball sized "stone" is actually many smaller hailstones fused together... how wonderful! (To look at. Not to be caught under. How inconvenient would that be~?!?)

Has anyone else ever witnessed giant hailstones? If so I demand to hear the story forthwith in my commentary box!

My youtube vid of the day shows giant hail too. Windscreen-cracking stuff!

How was your weekend?

Mine went dopily. Not in a drugged sense, but because I've still been sleeping 12+ hours per day. Sorry night. Though I do sleep in the day, too...

The recipe for Chinese curry sauce closes in ever more tightly... Mother Hubbard's Sunday gravy had an inimitable tang of Chinese curry about it so I thoroughly annoyed her by demanding to know precisely how it had been made. Turns out an Oxo chicken stock cube went into it. (Something I'd never have started off curry sauce with... so big thanks to Mother Hubbs)... O, and I'm off to get my batgok/bajiao 八角 star anise right away the minute I've finished tapping this out... Which reminds me buy new woodchips from the pets isle; my poor robos need cleaning out... which further reminds me how could I forget this?

ROBO BURGLARY!


Yes! I saved the poor swines from rank thievery last night! Caught an evil wild sewer mouse right in the act of attempting to sneak into their tank when they were fast asleep dozing (as per usual) to pinch all their tucker! I understand more now why their incredible obsessive pouching instinct and why they've packed that teabox practically to the rafters (well, if a teabox had rafters) with seeds... and then for extra security sleep on top of them.

The mouse pinged off like an electric shock. Hopefully he won't be back in a hurry...

I hope yous all had a cheery weekend. I'd better go now else knowing my luck Tescos will sell out of Star Anise ... (c'mon you know my luck...)

;->...

have a nice day everybody!!

***

SKIES ABOVE MY HEAD
a brilliant photoblog I came across today...
http://skiesabovemyhead.blogspot.com


***

Righty-ho: I gotta go. Massive craving for chicken mayo sandwich with red peppers strikes me. I've already got the Czech cornbread and the pepper (actually it's yellow because they're cheaper)... precooked chickenlegs and mayonnaise are calling my name with ever more insistence! GOTTA RUSH!!

***

A DAY IN THE LIFE
http://koosasworld.blogspot.com

27 comments:

jan said...

Several years ago I lived in a town that had a hale storm. It really messed up some cars that had been left outside. If the people had insurance, the cars got all new body work and paint. It worked out well for those with no garages.

Gledwood said...

Hmmm...

you gotta be careful with insurance tho.

There was a man who owned a 2nd hand car sales thing.

A massive flood came up so he moved his cars up the hill to escape the water.

Unfortunately the water STILL got them further up the hill

but because the cars were moved and no longer parked at the official place of business he WAS NOT COVERED ~for $100,000s of loss!

BASTARDS!!!

Deb said...

that video was pretty scary, lucky they were out on an open road and it didn't happen in traffic somewhere.

We're lucky here (knock on wood)....we don't get really extreme weather much. We get hail, but never anything like that.

Eileen said...

I remember being at my cottage when a tornado came steaming through. The hail that came with that was twice the size of a golf ball. I was 10 so I spent most of the experience under the dining room table while it sounded like the end of the world outside.

Gledwood said...

Debs: really? I thought Canada had pretty EXTREMES of weather... specially in WINTERTIME!! ... maybe not the hail though... it's the sheer ICE I'm thinkin' of! Those "crisp" 40 below mornings...

Eileen: bloody hell that sounds like a nightmare... I remember seeing film shot by this guy on camcorder when he stayed behind despite the hurricaine warnings and a factor 4 or 5 one came right by... man! the HOWLING!!

WAT said...

Rarely if ever does it hail in Los Angles, and when it does we usually get it the size of small coins or pellets.

I too am craving one of these chicken mayo sandwiches now. My God, just look at that picture. I am thrilled too by the way, that you used to see Fran Healy all the time! WOW! I LURVE HIM!

Gledwood said...

He had (had? has... surely) a nice singing voice

yeah me and fran... y'know (not)

... 4gotten what I was gonna say now...

o yeah the picture!

sadly not my own but one I Googled

that looks more like one of my Chinese extravaganzas fed between slabs of bread...

lewisham kate said...

Hey hamster man....What do you know of lewisham? ;0Funky blog...not sure i get it but wil be reading more.

Kimberly said...

Hullo!

Your comment on my blog gave me a good giggle and I simply had to respond. Most especially because of the burning desire to shout out, "I am not a Yank!" I'm Canadian and, incidentally, my mum's mum's family came here from Northern England. Funny old world, eh?

Gledwood said...

Lewisham: there's nothing TOO get!!!

Kimberley: aark! That is my bad skimming skills or bad geography bc I'm sure the place you said you came from sounded American to me ... oops!

Hey - see - I can spot a true Northerner every time haha!!

Gledwood said...

oooer. "BRITISH COLUMBIA :: CANADA"!

OOPS!!!

Audrey said...

The hunt for the perfect chinese curry sauce is quite intriquing Gleds look forward to reading if you finally discover it....oh the celebration..

Weather has been quite mild up here lately..no snow, no hail, just lots of wind and rain. I love a good hail storm (normal size hail though ) I hasten to add.

Cheeky mouse....lol

Hope you had a good weekend x

Bimbimbie said...

We get those hail storms coming through every now and then. A couple of years ago we heard the severe warnings of large damaging hail, the sky had the tell tale green tinge. Just had time to cover the ute windscreen and bonnet with blankets, still received little dimples on the bonnet *!*

molson said...

I've never personally encountered hail larger than the size of a marble. My brother's house was damaged by hail last year to the tune of $40,000 for a new roof and siding. Fortunately insurance covered it.

I did encounter a cluster of thunderstorms while returning from a hike to the summit of Santa Fe Baldy outside of Santa Fe, New Mexico. My friend I were pelted with a torrent of pea size to marble size hail. Good thing I had a goretex hooded shell with me to cover up because any exposed skin took a painful beating. While the hail was unpleasant, the lighting was terrifying. There were frequent strikes that were far too close for comfort. When there is no delay between the flash and the thunderclap, it's too close. Fortunately we were below treeline as you never want to be caught in a thunderstorm like that above treeline since people make good lighting rods for one strike at least. This went on for about an hour with waves of rain, hail, and the lighting. My so called waterproof hiking boots filled completely to the top with water as a result of the deluge. It took a week for my boots dry out to the point I could wear them again. I've heard thunderstorms in the Rockies described as apocalyptic. That seems about right to me.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I have been caught in a golf ball size hail storm before.

I got some big ass welts marks when I went out to rescue the damn dogs.

hairyshoefairy said...

Hi there,

Thanks for dropping by my blog. Hope you enjoyed your time. :)

Also, thanks for the compliment on my eyes. They're a nice gift from my mom. Wasn't she thoughtful? My baby girlie has them, too. They are kind of weird because they're so dark. Most people don't notice them (they aren't immediately striking like light blue eyes are) until they really talk to me, then they're always surprised. It's funny to see people's reactions. Yep, blue, through and through.

As for Wordpress, I like the usability of it. I started with Blogger and switched after a while so I could change my template more easily, but I've heard Blogger has gotten better and is really workable now, so that's really cool. When I left I still couldn't do much. If you have a Wordpress.com blog (hosted by them) you can still have an avatar when you post of other wordpress blogs. Mine is privately hosted and but I still use Wordpress.org as my blogging platform cuz I know my way around and like it. I do miss my avatar, though. But! I've found a plugin called Gravatar that allows avatars for commenters on blogs like this. I just need to actually get it set up and haven't had time yet. You can see it in action here, though, for example. It's definitely on my list of things to do. So that's my $0.02 on the wordpress vs. blogger thing. Now that Blogger is doing some cooler things I don't really have much of a preference except I really like the stats counter build into Wordpress.

Take care and look out for those freakin' massive hailstones! Holy crap, those are huge! :D

I would have just emailed this to you, but the email you left didn't work for me. So sorry this was really long.

Sandy Carlson said...

I have never seen hail the size of meatballs. What a frightening thought. Must hurt like heck to be smacked by that stuff.

Janice said...

Hi,

The Hail around here is usually pea sized, but one year there was a pretty good storm. I didn't see the big pieces of hail, but my sister who lived in Clovis that's a town two cities away said they were the size of the large marble called jumbos (I think). Anyway my nephew who was twelve at the time ran to get one and got pinged on the back by a piece of hail and it gave him a bruse.

My mom told me a story about driving through (I think it was) New Mexico and they had a flat. Her brother got mad, while he was helping his dad with the tire, and demanded to know who had hit him with that rock. It wasn't a rock it was hail.

Janice~

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ We only have normal hailstones, although a few times I've seen some the size of tom-bolas? They are the large size marbles. We have had a few cooler days and yes 80F is just nice about 27C. Anything over 3o is too hot for me and over 40C is beyond a joke as 40 is 104F. I have
a good evaporative cooler and also fans so you guessed right about that. Good for Mother Hubbard and her gravy hint. I hope you get the curry just right to your liking.
Your chicken and mayo sandwich sounded yummy. I love the taste of
peppers of all colours. Hope that mouse doesn't return. Take care, Gleds and don't worry about sleeping so much. It is probably better than being out in the cold weather. Kindest regards, Merle.

Liz said...

Bad mouse! I hope he did ping off!

lostgirl said...

Hi Gleds

Weather awful yes. I am stuck inside today with only my crochet for company. My mum cannot get to see me because of flooding. Stay inside is what I say and play with your cute hamsters! Are you watching the baby elephants programme on tv? I love all animals especially tapirs. Go on put a tapir on your site as they have cute wiggly noses.

all the best
lostgirl x

Edyta said...

ok. nowadays ur blog is making e hungry. all that yumie food u post pics of!
YUM.

Gledwood said...

Audrey: cheeky mouse ... dead mouse next time I catch 'im

Bimbimbie: bloody hell!

Molson: it's funny ... reading down "no larger than a marble" as a "small" size... that is massive! The hail here is no bigger than the balls of polystyrene that stuff beanbags!

Preposterous: that must have been supremely inconvenient

Gledwood said...

Hairyshoe: I think I was lucky I got onto blogger when it was the new blogger or blogger ii or "beta" blogger or whatever... I noticed people on the old one, their comments are timed but no day or date is given so 3 weeks of comments look like they all arrived on a single day hmmm...

Sandy: not to mention the damage such whoppers must do to property

Janice: that is too odd... hang on did just the one stone fall..??

Merle: that chicken peppers mayo sandwich I had eaten five times in my head before I had rushed the ingredients together !!

Gledwood said...

Liz: the nasty shadowy mouse pinged off to oblivion...

Lost: a tapir. OK!

Edyta: I shall send you a currysauce.

in the year 3108 ... ie when I FINALLY get that secret recipe...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood