HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Newspaper Gremlins/Cheap Blackbean Sauce




THE TAPIR PICTURE IS SPECIALLY FOR SOMEONE WHO IS IN PAIN AND DEPRESSED.

THE GREMLINS HAD AN EXCITING TIME LAST NIGHT, because I cleaned them out with them still in the tank
, pinging this a-way and thatta way. As handful after handful of weewee-ponging woodchips were excavated, secret stashes of seeds suddenly came to light, revealing all manner of exciting scents to the tiny tubbies who rushed up to pack their pouches with this forgotten treasure. The tearaways were so excited - roaring up and down; hiding in tubes. Poking pink noses out. Too excited to wait - scampering back. Packing pouches yet again. Forgetting to empty them out and wondering about looking like oversized furry chicken nuggets. Once I'd thrown out that soiled lot of woodchips that was that for "professional" litter so they're reduced to living on newspaper for the time being. A large picture of Amy Winehouse lies under their wheel. I've always thought Winehouse's old hair looked like a rats' nest. & now it's closer than ever to actually being one.

As for me - I found blackbean sauce reduced to clear 37p a 440ml jar this afternoon. I was so excited I went into near oriental meltdown. OK: slight exaggeration but I did "snap" up five jars. They didn't have boil in bag rice in Iceland so now I've got to relearn to cook it properly not in a bag... Which I don't trust myself to remember ... Surely it's dead simple? Two cups water to one cup rice. Cover. Bring to boil. Turn down. Cook for 10-12 minutes. When it's done all the water should have cooked into the rice .. (?? ~ yeah?) Well if it's a disaster you'll surely know all about it by tomorrow!

I hope the pictures entertain: second one down (with the tubes) ~ the robo on the right looks especially gremlinlike there I'd say... it's really hard to get pictures that capture their precise expressions....

Take care everyone

ta ta!

15 comments:

Akelamalu said...

Great Pictures Gleds. You made me laugh about Amy's hair being a ratsnest!

Have you got a microwave? I cook my rice in there. Just cover the rice in boiling water and cook on high for 10 mins, then drain and rinse in boiling water.

Barbara said...

Hi Gled, I am so glad you dropped by my blog so that I could discover yours. Your hamsters are adorable. I'm a rat person myself. Have your hamsters even bit you? That's why I switched from hamsters to ratties. But I must admit - hamsters are much cuter!!

lostgirl said...

Oh Gledwood! You are one in a million! You are a star you are! Thanks for the tapir! I think they are so cute. Thats really cheered me up!

cheerio
lost x

Arjan said...

my grandfather cleans out the 'cages' from his many many rabbits when they're still in there too. Especially fun with 'Flamish(?) Giants'.

I use basmati rice: around 220 ml water to 100gr of rice. Cook the water, throw in the rice, cover the pan, boil on a small flame for a min or 15.

Gypsy said...

I just wanted to come by and thank you for visiting my blog. Those little hamsters are the cutest things I've ever seen. What expressive little faces.....

Nessa said...

I think Amy will be right at home at the bottom of the hamster cage; D

Zhu said...

Cute pics! They would cheer up anyone!

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Cute pictures of the robos.
Good luck with the rice, I just boilit for about 10minutes on the stove and the water
evaporates, then I rinse it. Good bargain on the Blackbean sauce. Hope you enjoy.
You sound a bit brighter ~ I hope that is so. Keep on keeping on my friend. Regards, Merle.

Bimbimbie said...

Love the cute pictures - especially the Tapir ... don't know anything about them but that baby is gorgeous!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Wonderful post! I can picture the gremlins throughout the process. Cute little buggers, ain’t they.

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: no microwave... USED to have one but it went defunckt... my only option for rice was boiling in a small saucepan with lid on ...

Barb: they've never bit me properly. Bashful keeps "nearly" sinking teeth in me out of "curiosity" but no I've never been blooddrawingly bitten... (thankfully)
The big sort of "normal" hamsters are more likely to bite than robos... they specially do not like being disturbed in bed. Mine used to gnash teeth and get really upset with ANY daytime disturbance until he'd had 5 mins to wake up

Lost: you're welcome ;->....

Arjan: you're right about it needing slightly more than equal water mine threatened to boil dry within 5 mins... then I added what I thought was a dash more and turned out to be too much... rather inconvenient

Gledwood said...

Gypsy: they are really cute and really flighty. Spend half their lives delightfully pretending to be "scared" of things. Especially me

Nessa: she would probably stash her drugs there... i saw a vid of her "surreptitiously" removing coke from the back of her ratsnest and snorting it in front of the entire gig. She missed and ended up with a ridiculous white nose which looked stupid!

Zhu: they are very entertaining, aren't they?!?!

Merle: only trouble I had with the rice was that x2 water wasnt quite enough I was told 220mls water to 100mls rice which sounds more doable to me

Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: I never knew baby tapirs were stripey while the adults were plain... or maybe it's a vanilla fudge ripple one

SometimesSaintly... o they love something to get all excited about!!! gremlin swines!!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood