HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Pleasant Weekend Harvest Mice; Back Monday

A HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE!

AS PER USUAL my time has nearly gone... and I probably won't be back on"line" till Monday... so for the time being I'll leave you with these furry harvest mice....

22 comments:

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds, cute little mice...harvest mice in the fields...and they can stay there!

My real (as opposed to my step) father was an orchestra conductor and apart from the fact that the conductor in your video has more hair, it reminded me of the antics he used to get up to while conducting. I think it's called passion...

Nessa said...

They're so cute.

Cinn said...

awww cute mice. much cuter than the one my friend currently has scurrying in her kitchen at night.

Emperor Ropi said...

have a nice weekend

Audrey said...

The field mice are beautiful..

Was all for grabbing my red hot pants and throwing the windows open etc but this computer is not letting me play Youtubes without those infuriating breaks and freezes..from what I did see of the requim it was very powerful.. I will keep perservering though. Great post Gleds

Have a good weekend

Tea & Margaritas in My Garden said...

They are so sweet Gleds. I once rescued a baby mouse that the cat brought in unhrmed. He was soooooo tiny with long whiskers and the cutest big round eyes.

tea
xo

Tea N. Crumpet said...

Cute mice! They have cute noses! I enjoyed the conductor. My husband courted me by taking me and my daughters to sing alongs with real conductors and orchestras!

Enemy of the Republic said...

Requiem is my favorite Mozart piece; the next is the Magic Flute. That is one helleva conductor. I come from Chicago and I've seen some good ones, but in London, your orchestra is one of the best.

Greeneyes said...

Just dropped in to wish you a great day , love the snaps of mickey/minnie !LOL

Take care

G

Gattina said...

I have to admit that I hate classical music ! It makes me think of funerals ! But your little mice are very cute !!
I just wanted to tell you that today I have a very special little video on my blog. It is absolutely hilarious and shows the demolition of several houses in Brussels. It happened last week. They did it so good, that the neighbor found himself with a toilet without wall.
I found it on a Belgian blog;

Angie said...

Hi Gleds,
Love the harvest mice,proper little cuties aren't they! Yes,I'm afraid some of those little fishies were eating the other ones but at least,they waited till they were dead! The plants aren't real,but they look good, don't they! Not sure about the frog,he might end up hopping all round the living room!

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds, Cute . Nice pics one went for a swim in my pool EEEEWWWWWWW. He She was scooped out then quickly put in the bin....
Hope your well over your tummy bug,,,, Take good care,,,, Jen

Gledwood said...

let me see if my new picture comes up now

Gledwood said...

aargh! bloody thing!!

Gledwood said...

hey this is my new selfportrait: how do you like it? wahey!!

Gledwood said...

hey how about this one?

Gledwood said...

Pussinboots: I've only seen real live actual harvest mice TWICE and I think they were in the same place each time... a wildlife park with an indoor bit and a huge glass tank set up with corn stooks and growing corn and the tiny teeny miniscule little cutsie mice climbing these stalks to their weaver-bird-style nests up top. They are REALLY tiny... less than half the size or ordinary house mice and extraordinarily cute...

Nessa: totally!

Cinn: sewermice (housemice) are nothing on harvest mice. black/brown for one thing and not ginger. also big. and really PONGY!! :-<...

Ropi: cheers. I'm glad it's gone though. Hope you had a good weekend too...

Gledwood said...

Audrey: what you do if you have time is... let the youtube thing play through. turn down sound if it annoys you. obviously you may need up to 20 mins for a 5 min song if it's breaking up really badly. but let it play through; then when it comes to the end and the red line has tracked right across at the bottom, pull it back and let the youtube start again. now it's "loaded" inside your computer it SHOULD play flawlessly (SHOULD - it works for me and these computers are TERRIBLE!!)

Margaritas: mice can be very cute. except when they're POOING in your flourpackets... know what I mean...?

harvest mice at least stay outside and do not venture in houses. they build nests up stooks of corn ("maize")... I worry what happens to them when the combine harvesters come by... they surely must lose their poor nests if not their lives...

Crumpet: ;->...

Republic: The BERLIN PHILHARMONIC is the absolute best ... far as I know ... I don't know much about music but I'm pretty assured of THAT!! I'd LOVE to see them. The only full classical piece I've ever seen live is Handel's Messiah. As for opera I've only been 2 or 3 times and the Magic Flute was what I picked to go see the 1st time (about 12 friends came along after I found £2.50 and £5 seats and managed to book a huge block of them...) I love the Queen of the Night Aria with the famous ultra-soprano high F... I have a really good youtube clip on my music vid blog of a young boy singing that with amazingly precise voice ... of all the clips I dredged up of that aria his was the only one where he doesn't audibly shrink back from that aria with it's supersonically high F over top C...

Gledwood said...

Greeneyes: hi to you too.. long time no see.. sorry I lost you in all the kerfuffle of last year's ending... got your url down now...

Gattina: I'll come by see your vid presently... re classical music you really hate it?!? How unusual! I love it! But only know it from TV commercials and films ~ like almost everyone else, I suppose!! ;->...

Angie: Ah I see! FAke aquarium plants!! i was WONDERING how you got your tank so flourishing looking!

Re the frog: what I did was get a pane of glass made up from the glasscutting shop that fitted the top of the tank exactly but was about 2 inches too short. Another 2 inch long piece was made; this one with holes for all the tubes for filters etc... it meant I could leave the one with the holes down and take the main pane off adn the frog couldn't escape. I NEVER saw him try... and didn't have plants that stretched along the top of the water... I think that is how they get out. By managing to sit up on lillypads/etc. They DO NOT NEED EVER to leave the water (they really don't) so live under, to all intents and purposes like a fish except coming up every half hour or so for air... really entertaining... about £2 each or so... well worth getting one or two seriously they're SO entertaining and add such variety to a tank... also apple snails (giant aquatic snails) make a fine addition to a tank seriously they LOVE sliding down the plant leaves sucking off algae (even artificial plants I should think as it's the algae they're after...)

Cardinal tetras are GORGEOUS too... just like neons but more bright and pretty

Jeanette: tummy bug hopefully PERMANENTLY better! Thanks!! ;->...

Gledwood said...

hey all in all I think THIS pic is more cute and furry and entertaining... do yous all not agree..??

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood