HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Porkie Baby Itchy/ท้องเสีย~Diarrhoea Attack

I SEEM TO HAVE COME DOWN with the diarrhoeary norovirus that has afflicted around three million people in Britain so far ...
no vomiting in my case just the most horrific diarrhoea. I barely had the confidence to step foot outside even this afternoon after a trotting morning of it... whatever could be the cause (apart from the virus that, seriously, has his 1 in 20 in this country so far and is so widespread that doctors' surgeries up and down the country are advising people not to come in with it unless it's extremely severe or has been splurging out for more than a week. Also, unusually, they recommended people quarantine themselves and not try coming into work (how could you? without leaving splattering puddles of "curry sauce" behind you?) ... in their national attempt to stem the diarrhoea's over-eager "flow".
Either that, or it's that dodgy blackbean sauce I got reduced to 37p a jar last night ...

BABBY ITCHY LOOKS JUST LIKE A PORKSHIRE TERRIER this afternoon. Her fur's been all bashed up and licked to sogginess by the other two in their bizarre robo-compulsory-grooming-on-the-youngest ritual.
I sought for them in vain this afternoon. Not in the teabox. Not in any tubes.... I honestly thought they'd escaped. Until I realized all three were packed inside one small Parmesan cheese tube. Probably they'd kidnapped Itchy in there and were using it as their hideout as they groomed her to death....

TALKING ABOUT DEATH I don't feel so very far away from it's hallowed "door" so I had better go before yet more urgent splurging occurs!

Till tomorrow folks -

and good health!!

PS The Thai term for diarrhoea is ท้องเสีย tong siia?- which means literally "the stomach has gone rotten"!

Apostomus: income, then practice virtue


Liz said...

Oh dear, Gledwood, hope by the time you read this your bowels are back to best behaviour again.

I might check the sell-by date on the blackbean sauce jars if I were you!

Gledwood said...

Actually I DID and they were best before feb 08 and they were just normal sauce jars ie keep refrigerated once open and consume within 3 days... nothing more unusual than that

I did think the sauce was unnecessarily thick but that was surely too much "modified starch"/whatever they call it

certainly nothing SEEMED to be off...

Whitenoise said...

Sorry to hear it. My whole family is also down with some sort of stomach bug.

Emperor Ropi said...

I like being ill because there is no school then but I hate vomiting. I am kind of afraid of it.

Gledwood said...

Whitenoise: I hope they all get better soon

Ropi: I hate vomiting when it hurts...

Eileen said...

EW. I think it is the same super bug that they are going on about over here. Apparently, there was an Air Canada flight that went out to some European country and by the time it landed a couple of hours later, 7 of the passengers were severely ill (vomiting etc). My BF has his brother and accompanying GF coming in from England at the end of Feb. the better not bring any weird super bug over here to infect me with. Grrrrr.

Suggestion: If you are feeling really ill, go get some ginger ale and heat it up - then drink it. It works, at least it does for me.

Hope you feel better. Happy Wednesday.

Gledwood said...


did you hear about the cruise ship The Queen Victoria that had 150 passengers come down simultaneously ill with the D&V...

they blamed it on Camilla Parker Bowels, failing to smash the inaugural champagne bottle on the ship's side - that's supposedly nautical bad luck!

lostgirl said...

Oh poor Gleds. Hope the bug disappears soon. Drink plenty of water and just generally take care of yourself.

thinking of you
all the best
lostgirl x

grumpygit said...

Sorry to hear of your affliction - thought I was getting it myself the other day, but it cleared up very quickly, thank goodness. Mrs Git is indeed feeling better at last and sends her best wishes.

Good luck with the ailment. Keep a stiff upper lip, tightly clenched buttocks and avoid the temptation to fart at all costs.

john.g. said...

I've had the projectile crapping part of it, and being disabled, I't's not fun!!

Angie said...

Hi Gleds,
Sorry to hear that you're ill,hope you'll soon be better.

Akelamalu said...

Oh sorry to hear you've succumbed to the dreaded lurgy Gleds. Hope you'll be off the pot soon. :)

Bimbimbie said...

oh poor you - hope it's gone in a day or two *!*

Audrey said...

You have my sympathy Gleds I had to take days off work last week, sadly two of those were my days off anyway, how unfair...lol

Hope it clears soon.

Saw the most beautiful chinese dwarf hamsters yesterday when I was doing one of my visits..couldnt help but think of itchy and co.

May pinch that Thai term for my return to work meeting tommorrow and self certificate as stomach gone rotten....I like it :) Auds x

Cinn said...

i hope you're feeling better!!

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

My boys took that to Oz with them. We like to spread the joy!

Gledwood said...

Lost: I was too afraid to drink any water earlier on less it merely magnify the multiplicitous delugings ooer!

Grumps: no "wind" from me. too risky. guaranteed

JohnG: worst of it SEEMS to have gone. SEEMS...

Angie: I have spent half the day asleeping in beddd....

Gledwood said...

Akelamalu: thanks. there is no "fun" to it... not like with the common cold's luminous "gunge"/etc

Bimbimbie: I hope it's gone now but I'm not so sure

Audrey: good one. my "toong" still feels a bit "siia?"

(toong=high tone siia?=rising tone like a question)

Cinn: I am a bit. I only hope it lasts!!

Vi Vi: o no! now a million Aussies will go down with it, if it finds fertile "grounds" like Britain's ...

Anonymous said...

I bet you are passed the wiping stage and onto the patting stage.

I pity your bung hole!

Get well soon!

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Sorry you have been so sick and hope you are feeling much better by now. Take care, Regards, Merle.

Gledwood said...

Preposterous: still splurging, I'm afraid!

Merle: still ill in the morning I'm afraid but thanks for the wishes

Michael said...

Hi Gledwood,
I had that Norovirus thing over christmas, I got it off my son and it spead like mad through our family, I was constantly vomiting and felt awful but it soon left me alone, if I had been at work I might have had to take a days sickie, the first I would of had while working here.
One day I was in bed all day and that night I suddenly felt really hungry, Luke (my son) wanted a chinese so I ate one of them.
Of couse I threw most of it up but after I started to feel better.
Hope you soon feel better too

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood