HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Fried Lice Nice; Mini Eggs Are Back!

YET AGAIN I have mysteriously managed to cook a meal just like the Chinese... I always knew they knocked out marvellous dishes with zero effort, but seemed to believe the magic lay ... I dunno where ..??... perhaps in their ability to shout in Chinese while tossing woks over metre-high flames. Or something. Tonight I successfully managed fried rice (no eggs; I saved that pleasure for later). And I must reprimand the authors of online Chinese recipes. If you don't specify "boil the rice first and leave in fridge to dry out for an hour" someone like me is not going to know that! Well that's how I did my rice. Boiled first. Left uncovered in fridge for one hour. Did mixed vegetable stirfry. (Onions, btw are NOT part of takeaway mix vegetable fry rice, at least not round here.) Mine was carrots, mushrooms, peas. I'd have chucked in babycorn if I had any... Then I repeated my chicken and blackbean sauce trick, but added onions to THAT. Far nicer. Wahey!

AND ON TO CHOCOLATE. Cadbury's Mini Eggs are back. Very nice they are too. Cadbury's inimitable (milk) chocolate (cannot be replicated). In a yummy crisp sugar shell. Goes very nicely with a cup of tea (in my opinion). Best dark chocolate is Ritter Dark Whole Hazelnuts (50% cocoa solids). You can click here to see it - look at the bottom right hand corner. Yummmm.

Sorry for the blabber I am fantasizing about chocolate I have to go in case someone buys all the 100g packs of Mini Eggs. They only had 40 left last time I checked...

PS Hamsters really like chocolate!

15 comments:

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

I HATE the fact they bring out easter eggs the day after christmas! For christs sakes, give us a break!

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Congrats on the great
pictures you have posted. Well done,
I am glad you figured it out. I enjoyed the video of Queen Alexandra. It was very interesting. I don't watch every one because of lack of time. You do well with your cooking too. When I boil rice, I drain it and run some water through it (to get rid of some starch) and then you can use it. I cook a packet of mixed frozen vegies, Combine with rice, add soy sauce and some scrambled eggs with fried onions. Then you could add some of the sauces you like.
Thanks for your comments ~ glad you liked the story of the old man with good attitudes. It is great to be content with what we have. Take care my friend, Regards, Merle.
2008 will be the year of Gledwood!!

Gledwood said...

Vi Vi: yeah I had a good look at the confectionary near Valium Marilyn's house and it was full of Easter "treats" haha!

Merle: I would like to learn to make those sauces from scratch... especially the elusive Chinese curry sauce (which is available from all Chinese takeaways in this country... either as part of chicken/etc curry or as a tub to tip over chips/fries...

b12dreamer said...

Hey there, thanks for the comment on my blog!

My blog is about lucid dreaming, but the post you read isn't exclusively. It's a technique that can be applied to both lucid and non-lucid dreams.

And i hear you about the experience -- isn't it amazing?

If you said you crashed into the ceiling, that's definately an out of body experience. You felt like you were floating and stuff, and crashed into the ceiling? You may have been dreaming and had an out of body experience that way, or you may have just astrally projected. It's an amazing feeling!

b12dreamer said...

Oh, by the way, those are cute hamsters. I used to have three dwarf hamsters, cutest things ever. It was a sad day when they died!

d. chedwick bryant said...

Gledwood--I posted about Amouage a bit today--
you could visit their website Amouage.com also--

love, Ched

Gledwood said...

b12: is there any difference between what you call "out of body experience" and "astral projection"? these things happened to me donkeys years ago... though I still dream frequently of flying!

BCB: thanks very much for that... wasn't Amouage designed by the Arabian prince for his sweetheart?... or am I getting my parfums confused..??

lettuce said...

i will look out for that dark choc.
I was given some Bendick's Bittermints for Christmas - one of the best. And bought tons of Montezumas chocs for a friend before Christmas.... wishing i'd got just a bit for me too...

so little furry creatures like chocolate too? who would have thought it....

Gledwood said...

Ritter comes in a perfect 100g square (click the link)

it tends to be stocked in more "cosmopolitan" newsagents etc

e.g. it's quite easy to get here in London... out of town you may have to look for it.

also they do about 18 varieties... the darkest is pure dark 70% cocoa solids for about 70p 100g which is really not bad compared to the price of green & blacks

the one I recommended is 50% cocoa full of hazelnuts NOT to be confused with milky hazelnuts

I advise clicking on the Ritter link

the one I was talking about is bottom right hand corner

:->...

Gledwood said...

THIS IS THE RITTER LINK:

http://www.ritter-sport.com/index_ritter.phtml

Ritter's a German chocolate, so just click the Union Jack top left and you'll get English language tumuskers... woohay!!

CrystalChick said...

One of my mummies-in-law gave me a rice cooker and that makes sticky rice just perfectly.
Chocolate is so yummy, I have a nice stash of it from the holidays still, big bars of dark and milk chocolate that I was going to use for baking and never got around to... now it's for us to snack on.

Gledwood said...

have you ever tried making hot chocolate with proper chocolate squares?... it's meant to be really nice...

i like rice to be non-stuck-together enough for individual grains to be pretty easily shaved off by passing a knife over the top... THAT kind of rice seems to make a perfect FRIED version...

if you have any mysterious korean recipes, PLEASE pass them on!!

RSVP

<:-)
MANY THANKS

CrystalChick said...

Ah yes, homemade hot chocolate... yummy... with some vanilla extra, a little fine sugar, etc.
A big spoonful of sticky rice is good in soup, or if you make sushi rolls.
Yes, I have a cookbook on Korean dishes... email me if you want a couple.
Also, there's a blog on my sidebar called 'my korean kitchen'... there might be some stuff in there, altho it's been awhile since I visited.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood