HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Rambling Furry Boiled Eggs

A TROTTING GREMLINS POST ~ thought yous could all do with a change from my needle-happy misery.

Yes! All three Roborovski furballs
, having been poked out of the lightbulb box they call home, have set up house in their second-favourite pitch, a all three furries dozing, preening, washing, ears-up, entertaining in a tiny tubby row, each a-clambering over the other and so entertaining in open air in the top lefthand corner of their tank...

A half an hour later and I've treble robo-fur trundling like a tubby horse race upon their wheel.

Seriously, three furballs in a row ~ where they do attempt dustbaths in the chewed newspaper shreddings ~ they look more like tiny tubby trotty gremlins here than anything else.

Yesterday my three had a great hour-long dig in their upside down diggery dome. Not only are they hilarious the way one disappears tubby bum into a hole only for another and then the last to tubbily follow... but they eventually emerge from said diggery with fur softer and total all-over body-brushed and less greasy, more conditioned and sandy coloured than ever before...

They make me want to pick them up and SQUEEZE them because they're so beady-eyed, petal-eared and tiny tiny TINY!!

Take care and have a charming weekend everyone!

14 comments:

Nessa said...

You know "furry boiled eggs" is a horrible thought; D

Anonymous said...

You know about the angry love! When something is so cute you get mad at how cute it is and want to squish it! Wow. So many people don't get it!

PS: I don't ACTUALLY squish em...I think about squishin them.

Anonymous said...

HAHHAHHAAA, I know you didn't really SQEEEEEZE them Gledwood! I wouldn't mind something like what the diggery does where I come out with, "fur softer and total all-over body-brushed and less greasy, more conditioned and sandy coloured than ever before"!

Tea N. Crumpet said...

How many do you have, Gledwood?

Nicole said...

Hope you're having a fair weekend as well. Hope you're feeling a bit better :)

Vi said...

*waving madly*

Hiya!

Sorry I haven't been around for awhile, been absolutely hectic. Hopefully I can catch up properly soon!

xx

Arjan said...

hope the furl balls make you feel better, they did help me a bit, thanks.

Baino said...

Damn sight cuter than the rodents living in my ceiling at the moment! But their days are numbered. Your furry boiled eggs made me smile on an otherwise 'blue' weekend. Thanks.

Unknown said...

I’d so love to see a video of those Roborovski antics.

Janice Seagraves said...

Hi Gled,

I know you ment that there just so cute there could just love them to death.

I hate to tell you this but I read your prior post on your adiction and couldn't finish it. The part about trying to find a spot to use make me ill, and I almost cried reading about how you became adicted.

I wish you could stop. Your dreaming your life away in useless drug induced state. You have so much to offer, and your are a good writer.

All I can offer you is a prayer,
Janice~

Edyta said...

U THERE.
I tagged ya!

Gledwood said...

Nessa:... o! I see what you mean, taking it literally. No! I meant "furry hen's egg sized and shaped critters"!!

Eileen: yeah man to SQUEEZE 'em hahaHA!!

Anon: don't stick your head in a bowl of sawdust though it probably WON't do the diggery trick (boo-hoo; haha!!)

;->...

Tea N Crumpet: USED to have 3 robos. now there are 2. BIG boohoo. :-<...

Gledwood said...

Nicole: cheers. was on pretty good form today. dunno why. maybe it's the sunny weather!

Vi: HI! I'll be by hopefully in about 10 mins from now

Arjan: the furballs are really entertaining...

;->...

Baino: that's cool. i'm comin' round in a sec

don't be blue. the sky is blue. blue and white and very breezy here today. and about 10C 50F, so fresh without being "bracing"...

;->...

Gledwood said...

Nick: I will try and find one of similar.

or make my own one day. aarkkh! but I've only got 2 now as bloody fat old swine Spherical has VANISHED on me

Janice: ooww. that addiction post. I know. I try to tear myself away from it can never resist the returning attraction over and over i've given up even attempting fathoming out WHY...

Edyta: aarghf! tag!! ok. gimme a day then i do it

;->...

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood