I watched Ugly Betty. Well that one's going downhill. I think the comedy came off with Betty's braces. Wilhelmina was pretending to be an alcoholic this week. Then that ended. Then something worse came on. I can't recall what it was. Then my mind turned to my dealer round the corner, and a £20 note. I still have that note on me, so no worries there. Usually I'm penniless on Sunday. That dealer got fed up giving me tick, because I wanted it every week. Heroin was the only thing that made Sunday tolerable.I'm put off heroin not just because I lost a huge chunk of life to addiction. In this time I achieved nothing, except that I learned to speak better German. I achieved this by ploughing through books when stoned, looking up every single word I was not 100% sure of in a dictionary. I must have looked up some words 30, 40 or more times. I also started a blog in German, which is awfully phrased "today I go shop, I did buy tea bags. Since two year my hamster die. I not no more eat tea." That bad. And probably that boring. So that's my one achievement. 
What puts me off gear most is how truly dire it got. Not just the blank gear (ie not gear at all) but the last stuff, which kept me near-comatose for days on end, but not due to heroin, due to an "unregistered compound". My suspicion, by the way, is that this compound was leaked from a drug-testing lab and produced in the ilk of establishment that churned out mephedrome (meow, 4-methcathinone), a legal high that really was like coke plus ecstasy (I tried it) and was banned in Britain earlier this year. I'm blaming whatever was in this for that mental episode. The further away I get, the more out of it I see that I was.
Back to methadone. Like an idiot I had forgotten to drink it, in fact the dose was 6 hours overdue (twice daily dosing). I drank it, fell askeep for another three or four hours and woke up without the slightest urge for heroin. I suppose I'm not allowed to say I'd rather die than take heroin as that's suicide talk. Suicide talk is like the rubbish strewn on the ground after a tornado. It's crap spewn out of my drug-infested psyche.Well I can't think of anything else. There's only an hour and 45 minutes till Sunday is over. I wish I was in Germany, they're an hour ahead. Less Sunday can only be a good thing.
See ya Monday...
DWARF HAMSTER PUP 2 DAYS OLD
That early 80s song Words (under the Tunnel post) is apparently French. I never knew that. With the exception of Vanessa Paradis Joe le Taxi and Jane Birkin/Serge Gainsbourg Je t'aime... moi non plus this is the only French pop song I know.
DESIRELESS: VOYAGE
11 comments:
actually, i thought your german blog was pretty good. i was surprised to see it.
and, ya know? i'm not much for sundays either. sunday morning doesn't bother me that much. it's the afternoons.
i hope the methadone keeps working for you!!
I tried to ask the people who read it "where am I going wrong" but they don't know me v well and don't like to say. They say it is "gut verständlich" ie they know exactly what I'm saying.
The only way I can see of improving it is by reading more and copying their style. Also there's a book called Hammer's Grammar which I haven't got and really need. It cost £25 or something so somehow when I was on gear I never got round to that one...
I made sure I missed Sunday morning by sleeping haha!
I tried to take German in college. The teacher looked like a dominatrix Barbie Doll. I withdrew after two weeks.
Sundays suck. They are bloated days of nothing but regret and foreboding. I am not kidding you.
Can I say that I love the sound of that chat-thing you have on your site? When someone comes on, I guess? It's such a pleasant little chime.
Well, that's all I have to say.
I'm not sure everyone knows what the chime is! They think their computer's going wrong or something..! I love the äöüßs in German! Especiallz the word bloß it means just as in "just me" but it looks like blob and I like blobs of things. I used to know a blogger called Olive in Australia. She was 107 when she died and I heard about it on BBC radio!... She always called her blog a blob...
The little hamsters are cute. So small and helpless. I am sure that you are probably asleep and over Sunday by now. The Sunday blues we call it over here. I suppose it still hangs over some of us, even though I no longer have to get out of bed at some ungodly hour anymore and go to work. Life is good.
Alright Sid I'm still awake. I'm getting up 1st thing to get to the chemist, they open at 8:30 I will be there on the dot. Then I am going shops, then I'm going to sleep. I'd rather sleep all day, at least I miss the day that way
I've been sleeping hours and hours and hours but I have gone off food. I'm trying to stay off it. I get enough calories out of drink. Drink can keep me alive! I'm thinking of giving up drink altogether tomorrow, I'm fed up of it. The drs always say it makes you more depressed. I have found that to be bullshit, but I know it's not good for you so I may as well stop
Hi Gled,
Congrats getting off heroine. Good for you. You'll feel better once it's completely out of your system for good.
Good luck with the rest of your recovery. It isn't easy, but please stay with it.
Maybe if you do manage to get clean and sober you can make it to Germany?
Janice~
Janice: Heroin always seemed to have a stabilizing effect, it felt like it held me together. I'm not sure what it did now. I know the addiction damaged my willpower very badly because I was unable to decide on anything and then do it.
I would like to see the Alpen, as they call them. Though Alpen here is a brand of very nice sugary muesli.
Hey there,
Good luck on the road to recovery. I used to think it would be easier for me to give up sex than drinking, and it's been 13+ years without drinking now.
Hang in there!
I never liked Sundays, like you I always felt depressed. I think it was something to do with having to go to school or work the following day because since I retired I don't mind Sundays at all. :)
Riott: 13 years without a drink, that's a long time!!
I can do 13 hours. Am I doing OK.????
Shit it's Monday. I said I wasn't going to drink today and I have. Typical. I'm going to NA though. Haven't touched heroin since I said I stopped. So that's something.
Akelamalu: yukky day. They should get rid of it!
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