I SLEPT 17 HOURS STRAIGHT LAST NIGHT. I went to the nut-nut clinic. Everybody in the waiting room looked quite sane and well put together. Then I shambled in, sat by the leaflets, took 10 and spent half an hour flicking through stuff about giving up smoking, taking up a positive lifestyle etc. I'm into all that crap now.
Then an accusatory nurse ushered me into a tiny room. No padding on the walls, though I did notice what looked like a straitjacket thrown over the back of a chair by the window. Then he demanded to know how paranoid I was and why I was there and whether I was there for a mood stabilizer (which I told him I don't want). Then he said "I'll make an appointment for you to see a doctor". I told him I'm exhausted and sleeping too long and I can't stop being depressed. Slightly depressed, not very depressed. And that was that.
On the way back I walked to Valium Marilyn's house. She has just been let out of hospital having had her gallstones pulverized inside her.
I passed this amazing pond. It was a concrete pond and very big. It wasn't connected to any river and yet it was swarming with these tiny fishies. Little green ones that glint brightly in the sun. They loved the weeds in that pool. I so wished I had a giant net to catch some to take home as pets. But as it is my pet fish still live in this public pool. I spent ages staring at them. I didn't go too near the edge in case some babboon appeared from the trees and pushed me in.
Valium Marilyn has lost weight, she looks emaciated in fact. Then I weighed myself on her bathroom scales. She had to keep banging them to make them reset to zero because they're digital. I came in at 14 stone and a quarter pound, three times in a row, then 14 stone 1 twice in a row. There are 14 pounds in a stone so that's (14x14)+1 which is 193 pounds if my maths are correct. No it's not it's 197 pounds because I was 201 before and lost 4 which makes sense. Yeah so I lost weight. Somehow.
Then she wanted to score some "blues" which are 10mg Valiums she bought 40 of them and gave me 5. I pretended to take 4 at once, like she did, but really I took one.
Then we went shopping all veering all over the place. She comes over all chirpy on Valium so kept haranguing the foreigh shopkeepers for British foods like Angel Delight which they won't stock (butterscotch Angel delight is the best, with lots of milk (unlike most products which are best stronger, angel delight is best slightly weaker than the packet instructions)).
Then I fell asleep from 5pm until TEN IN THE MORNING which means I was out cold for 17 hours!
Then I got up all clucking and had to go to the chemists sick which I hate. I was only slightly sick. All sweating and cold, it was disgusting. So I got the juice and knocked a good bit back in a phone box, like a real junkie. I actually used to get a secret thrill from hitting up gear in public toilets and especially phone boxes I just loved the scumminess of it all (being solidly middle class it was a novelty for me)... then I went in the library and read this book about brain surgery. Then I went home and slept AGAIN. FIVE HOURS out cold. I sleep sleep sleep. I'm hardly in the lower depths of depression but I don't feel all right at all. I'm having a hep C test just so they can't keep blaming that. I never had hep C before, I don't think I've got it now.
Now I've got to run I'm too cold. Did you know the bit of the brain they impose a lesion upon in psychosurgery is called something like the anterior cingulate gyrus. Something like that. This poor woman was a GP yet so depressed she was under compulsory detainment for a year (that is a "section" in British language). Then she had to be transported from Southampton or somewhere like that to DUNDEE in Scotland to have her brain butchered. Reading this did nothing to improve my mood.
But I did have a quality moment with those fishes so all is not bad. I hope y'all have a good weekend. If I can think up something furry I'll post it otherwise I'll be back Monday.
Illustrated: I do believe these green fish have been genetically engineered. Mine weren't QUITE so bright. But does anyone know what they're called. They were about one inch long, able to live in British waters (ie extremely hardy) and pretty quick, compared to the dopey aquarium fish you get they moved about as fast as minnows but I don't think they were minnows...
I'm a Dreamer - Over on CopCar's blog there's a creative test you can take. Of course I had to do it and I came out as the Dreamer. It seems unusually accurate although so...
1 day ago