Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Furry Weekend

I'M LOW ON TIME... SO all I can say is this... HAVE AN ENTERTAINING WEEKEND, EVERYONE!

And how do you like this entertainer?... Isn't he a star??

He looks like a cross between Mike Tyson and my old eight miles a night runner Golden Hamster Pandable, who died many years ago... he did live till three and a half which is about 110 in hamster years - a very ripe old age...

I SHALL BE BACK ON MONDAY...
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22 comments:

CrystalChick said...

Have a nice weekend too!
Love Anthony Bourdain on your sidebar. He's awesome!

12 January 2008 at 13:47
M- Filer said...

Now that is a damn cute hamster! Cheers.

12 January 2008 at 17:21
Anonymous said...

the same for you

12 January 2008 at 21:45
Welshcakes Limoncello said...

A star indeed and love the hammie pics above, too. Hope you are all right, Gleds. x

12 January 2008 at 22:09
Tatyanna (and Dorian too) said...

These are the cutest little guys (or gals) EVER. Where are you off to this weekend, now that I finally get the chance to catch up with you? Anyway, have a good time! :)

13 January 2008 at 01:32
Unknown said...

The little fellow is marvelous. Yes, a star!

13 January 2008 at 05:27
lettuce said...

i can't say i can see the mike tyson similarity, tho he does remind me of someone....

too cute to be like tyson anyway, surely?

13 January 2008 at 08:49
Vi said...

ooo,how suhweet! Have a good weekend!

13 January 2008 at 10:21
Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds, Im back. Cute pics of your Hamsters, Hope your keeping well have a great weekend .

13 January 2008 at 12:24
Akelamalu said...

Hope you're having a good weekend Gleds, see you tomorrow. x

13 January 2008 at 14:12
Unknown said...

See you tomorrow Gleds!

13 January 2008 at 20:04
Gledwood said...

Crystalchick: Anthony Bourdain..?? Who? I'll have to check that one out in a sec...

M-filer: That hamster has lots of personality for sure

Emperor Ropi: ;->...

Welshcakes Limoncello:... did you know I didn't realize Limoncello was a liqueur until I looked it up specially... I thought it was your surname!

14 January 2008 at 16:02
Gledwood said...

Ain't Never Scared:... They're hidden on my sidebar now.. the little poggies... the robos I mean... where am I off to? Nowhere I just ran out of internet time credit and so knew I wouldn't be able to afford to come back till Monday...

Sometimes Saintly Nick:... I take it your name is sposed to be a reference to Saint Nicholas? The Euro-Father-Xmas..??

Lettuce: it's the perky way he sits up like that and he definitely looks like a he, not a girly hamster at all... reminds me of a boxing kangaroo I spose... (?? maybe!?!?)...

Vi Vi Voom: I hope you had a good 'un too {!!}

14 January 2008 at 16:05
Gledwood said...

Jeanette: I hope your computer is fully better and STAYS WELL! :-}

Akelamalu: I'm back!

John G: I'm still back!!

14 January 2008 at 16:06
Anonymous said...

Mike Tyson...right, the hamster TOTALLY looks like a misogynistic wife beater ;) Cute little furry guy!

14 January 2008 at 16:22
Gledwood said...

Can you really see that or are you havin' me on~?!? He looks like a right little furry bruiser to me

14 January 2008 at 16:43
Anonymous said...

Actually, when I first looked at the pic I didn't see it. The 2nd time around I can see what you are saying...yes...the hamster does look a wee bit like Mike Tyson...

14 January 2008 at 17:19
Gledwood said...

he looks 1. definitely like a boy and not a girl hamster
and 2. very perky and cheeky
...3. a little bit like a boxing kangaroo...

(a little bit...)

14 January 2008 at 17:47
WAT said...

Aw, irresistable little cute bugger this hamster u got here.

14 January 2008 at 18:09
Gledwood said...

it's not mine!

that is one I got by googling

even though I DO technically have access to digital cameraphone I doubt I could get images as good as that one unless I literally took all day about it

and besides that is a Syrian hamster in "golden" coloration

Pandable looked like that

the hammies I have now are those tiny robos which are mouse-size (probably smaller) ... they are really quick and hard to "pin down"...

i shouldn't really say that

hard to CAPTURE

:-\

14 January 2008 at 18:54
jim dandy said...

Pandable looks like Pokemon!

15 January 2008 at 14:16
Unknown said...

How did you get that Photo? That was my old Hamster Buttercup, my dad took that photo, she was a very cheeky hamster, sadly she died a couple of years ago, she used to hang upside down from the bars of her cage, like a monkey, i'd be grateful if you would take the photo off please. Regards Laura .

7 April 2010 at 08:47

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood