Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Clean Council

COUNCIL MAN CAME YESTERDAY: Evilstein gave me an update as he drilled a new lock (finally!) into my door first thing in the morning. Of course he did it to catch me in. But it does feel a little like he is persecuting me barging in at such eraly hours. I was of course right to do the absolute minimum to keep the room acceptable (it was totally tidy as far as I could make it but, as I say I knew he/they would find fault) and they surely did ... This morning he also gave me finally the loan of a vaccuum cleaner to get all the bits out of the carpets. Of course I've brushed them endless times ... but well I just realized today that I'm sure fitted carpets were never invented until after the vacuum cleaner ... My rugs I swept out of the window, but what can you do with fitted carpets? They're a real inconvenience ... when I get my own place finally I'm not having fitted carpets at all. Just big rugs in the middle of bare boarded rooms. Lona ("NutNut") had no carpets at all (but a few medium-sized rugs) and her home was ultra-dust-free because of that. Anyway now the hoovering's been done it looks far, far nicer. Chinese Hammy is coming out for a celebratory "ping" later ...

In response to an American query: what is a council man? It means a man who works for the local council. Not an elected councillor. I found out relatively recently, btw, that Britain has a massive "permanent government" compared to the USA. I didn't realize nearly every high office has to be filled anew when a new president comes in. We have career civil servants doing such jobs. I think people prefer it that way because, just like having a Queen, it gives a sense of continuity whatever goverment's in power. Also the British people would never tolerate supreme judges being nominated by the ruling goverment! That is far too much like corruption to us!!

It's still been raining at a rate of 4cm an hour every day for an hour or so. Aparently some places are swilling with dysentry-laden floodwaters. Children should not go in them. Ukk!

Right I'm gonna have to end my post here. Sorry it's boring but no news!

All the best to y'all ...

Gleds


***

Blog of the day: Our Fairytale Life
Posted by at
Labels: , , ,

12 comments:

Whitenoise said...

Send some rain our way. It's a friggin' desert in my neck of the woods...

26 July 2007 at 22:12
Anonymous said...

GLED , Ive got a question. What do you do for your livleyhood ? or are you a ward of the state ? Ive seen your blog (S) grow over the last few mounths and wonder where the time comes from .

27 July 2007 at 01:21
M- Filer said...

Thank you for educating the American. I do appreciate it.

27 July 2007 at 09:03
M- Filer said...

Just curious... who does appoint the supreme judges in the U.K? Some non-corrupt body of some sort? In America Supreme Court Justices are NOMINATED by the current President, but isn't appointed until Congress approves , and then , should that happen the justice is seated for life, long after the President who appointed him his out of power. So you see, I really don't think the potential for corruption lies in the process, more so in the individual.

27 July 2007 at 09:14
Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds. Glad to see you're surviving all that the council and your psycho landlord are throwing at you.

Hang in there, you're a pretty strong character!

Cheers

27 July 2007 at 09:49
Anonymous said...

I believe the other supreme judges pick who they want to join them. Most noncorrupt!!!

27 July 2007 at 11:03
Anonymous said...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/lancashire/6918286.stm

Oh no! Who would do such a thing??!

27 July 2007 at 12:39
Edyta said...

gledsss!
well, kinda a smart post, i mean u talkign abt politics. btw, the queen was here, in lithuania earlier this year... hmmm... october perhaps? i'm not sure. anyway, hope ur fine, havent seen u around in quite a while, indeed!
cya :)

27 July 2007 at 15:48
Kahshe Cottager said...

Things sound a little less hectic for you now that you don't have to look for a new place to live and you can lock your door! I hope the rest of the week continues to be good for you.

27 July 2007 at 16:00
Anonymous said...

Whitenoise: everyone seems to be in desert. Apart from here!

Janice: I won't say anything

Anonymous: I just live off the state handout now. Used to beg money for a living. Gave that up

M-filer: you're welcome

Puss: strong? I hope I am

Edyta: no I've not been anywhere really. Sorry!

Kahshe: thanks!

27 July 2007 at 16:32
Anonymous said...

THANKS FOR THE REPLY . AT ONE TIME OR OTHER I'D WALKED IN THE SHOES YOU WEAR . GOOD LUCK

27 July 2007 at 18:01
Nicole said...

I also detest carpet. The English seem to love it. I've even seen it in some bathrooms, how insane is that? Wooden floor boards and rugs are the way to go. Carpet is so filthy and full of the most disgusting things, even if you vacuum it.

29 July 2007 at 20:55

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood