HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Vulgarity House

IT'S ALL HAPPENING TODAY AT "CASA VULGARIDAD" (that is now the official name of my London "residence"; we're getting a burnt plaque made up. Laundretta's going to stub out her endless ciggies onto a template I've made. So it should be finished by late this afternoon ...)

OUR BOILER IS NOW fully removed. And lying in the front garden.

AND THEY SAY "A FISH GETS CAUGHT BY OPENING ITS MOUTH ..."
LAUNDRETTA is a bitch!
Because I managed to return home, step over the repairman's legs and enter my room without him noticing (I wasn't actually trying to do this, just realized it was what I'd achieved a while later ...) ... she emerged from her room and engaged in slagging me off for half an hour nonstop to this guy who she barely even knows ... all my supposed acts and omissions (some of it was outright libellous) ... she ranted on and on. And me being me, I remained behind my closed door and let her carry on. They say give someone enough rope ... Well she just did. I've always known she slags me off behind my back ~ it's not that that bothers me. It is that she was openly trying to get me thrown out that has me offended. Well don't worry Laundretta. I've kept my mouth shut about you headbutting the back windowpane the third day after you moved in (drunk, of course), I've said nothing about you and your rat of a boyfriend's bashing our front door in repeatedly because you cannot get it together to copy and keep two sets of keys. I said nothing when you practically turned your room into a crackhouse at one point. I can't wait to see her next. I will be even more oblivious-seeming than normal. People like Laundretta make their own downfall so nothing is required of me. But if she does ever fall off a cliff, maybe I won't tread on her fingers but I don't know that I'll be giving her a hand-up either ...

I DO APOLOGIZE. I HAVE BEEN VERY REMISS at visiting anybody's blog of late. I've just been logging on, posting, drifting, logging out. My thoughts are uncollected (apart from here.) Yeah, OK, to put it another way: I've been really antisocial. I promise to try harder next time.... Only please nb "best blogs vi"... I have at least gone some tiny way to updating my links. Anyone who comments tonight I promise to add them (if you're not already there) by tomorrow. How's that for crap old me? Hokey dokey. I've written out part 11 of my own "vulgaridad" ... now I'd better tell it so stay tuned ...

LASTLY: CONTINUING MY POWER-BALLADS THEME,

this is Tina Turner's best-ever track

& it's aptly called

SIMPLY THE BEST

***

HERE'S A BLOG RECOMMENDATION of the day:

Valerie's Brilliant Beads Blog
- well worth a look if you're into crafts etc...

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

i agree also it is t. turner's best song

Audrey said...

People like dear Laundretta should carry a government health warning...and OIH less of the 'crap old me' young man..lol

Im really enjoying your power ballads theme, gosh its years since I heard China in your hands and YES I do like it..Tina Turner is one of my favourites

Dont let the fish get you down x Auds

Valerie said...

Hey, thanks for the blog recommendation! Nice blog...my ex is doing methadone treatment too. I wish you the best!

Anonymous said...

thanxx valierie
i just luurve them beads!!

Crazed Nitwit said...

I cannot believe some one is named Laundretta or is that your code name for her. Is "slagging me" the same thing as back biting or talking about someone behind their back? People like do eventually harm themselves because of their vitriol and bad karma.

Keep on keeping on. Friendly Hugs.

WAT said...

Casa Vulgaridad. I like the sound of that. Yes, I do.

SIMPLY THE BEST? Hmmm...I actually like YOU BETTA BE GOOD TO ME more I think.

rowan said...

Gled, I dont understand how your sidebar works. You have all these "best blogs 2" two of them! And best blogs one and then categories. Isnt there a simpler way? How do you organize it? Are the people in 2 because you met them later or because they arent as interesting blogs- (that is just how it would appear to me if I stumbled onto this page randomly.)

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood