HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, July 13, 2007

News Review: Queen's Crown Scandal; Doherty-Moss; Drunken Wedding Horseride

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN was seriously not amused when, during an official Palace portrait shoot, the American photographer Annie Liebowitz suggested that the Queen, already drest in full Royal regailia might wish to remove her crown because the "garter robe" she already had on (a great black robe with gold "mayoral" style chain, rosette and imperial looking platinum star that would have befitted Queen Victoria in her "widow" phase) was already so "extraordinary". The Queen cut Liebowitz short before she could breathe this last word and snapped: "Too dressy? What do you think this is?"

I agree totally with The Sun Says (p6):

Crown and out:
BEING Queen of all you survey is a serious business.

So one is rightly brassed orf when asked by some American snapper to remove one's crown - the ultimate badge of monarchy.
Hats off to Her Maj for saying NO.


Hear hear!

***
PS: Thanks to Ruth; Shaz; Puss-in-Boots; for pointing me to the following BBC News Update that shed some more truthful light upon the matter. Click on BBC to view the 3-minute update ...
***

KATE MOSS HAS TORCHED AN EXTENSIVE STASH OF LOVE LETTERS, POEMS AND SONGS WRITTEN TO HER BY JUNKIE LOVER PETE DOHERTY.
Relations eventually came to a "head" when a vast pile of cash Moss had stashed in her palatial residence went suspiciously AWOL.
"Poor" Pete, is seemingly living hand to mouth. While Kate earns a reported £10,000,000 a year, which would put her 2nd behind £33,000,000 a year Gisele Bundchen in the top model stakes (who else earns more than Kate but less than Gisele? I can't think of anyone. And I always keep half an ear open to celebrity pay claims. They kind of make my breakfast. Along with the rest of the tat in the Sun newspaper, a can of White Star cyder, at least four cigarettes and frequently in certain times past, a juicy shot of brown heroin....
.. OK let me finish that sentence. While Kate earns a reported £10,000,000 before taxes, agents' fees and other expenses (ie she takes home less than £5,000,000 a year. Boo-hoo!) Poor Pete Doherty went straight to a "travellers' site" under a Shepherd's Bush flyover (reportedly to stay there; but I think to score and use) and had all his guitars etc dumped in a tower block in Hackney (hardly North-East London's most salubrious "quarter")... Having put out so many records, gone on so many tours, has he really got nowhere better to stay? I'm flabberghasted. I mean, I might be bad at budgeting on a pittance, but if I had a few hundred a week (surely he earns at least that) then I'd have the nous to buy up Premium Bonds, stash the money in bank accounts and otherwise invest at least some of it ... come on!
Premium Bonds, by the way, are a piece of genius. Boring old government bonds. You must buy a minimum £100 worth at a time. But all interest, instead of being accrued and scattered stingily into every "account" at a measy four point something percent ... is instead all lumped together, divided into one million pound lot, then quarter million and hundred thousand, fifty thousand and so on down to £100 and £50 chunks... a machine called ERNIE generates random numbers and if these match any currently held bonds ~ hey! You're a winner. That is investment genius! When I have £30,000 to spare (sadly that is the maximum investment) I know what I'm going to do with it ...
OK and back to the story:
But hats off to Kate
for being strong enough to see this was never going to work before she married the loser.
What ye North American bloggers seem to miss in your "how does he get away with it?" posts is that he doesn't!
Only last week he was in court on repeated drug possession (heroin, ketamine, crack ~ arguably the three strongest most mindbending substances known to man) charges and for driving a vehicle for which he was uninsured! The judge said to him basically the choice is yours. Keep on using and you're definitely going to jail. Detox and come back to me (on a certain date) and we'll see what we can do.
Doherty has been in jail once already ~ yes, for drug possession and related offences. He does not wish to return.
Is it his funny face and penchant for knobbish hats that gets him in repeated trouble? Does he not know the gentle art of actually stashing ones "stash"? I don't know. Presumably all Metropolitan Police officers have a bounty they can claim for "nicking Doherty" ~ a £50 cash prize or something. I've never known him to be "nicked" clean ...
So out with the Doherty; in with the new.
One question remains: what on earth did she see in him in the first place~??

AND LAST BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST...some

Hey, you can count on The Sun to phrase it best (bottom left, p7):

The paragraphs below are an excercise in great tabloid journalism. If you think Sun journalists "can't write" then just you try telling the following tale so succinctly:

Horse 'n' Carnage:
A DRUNK woman
hijacked a horse-drawn wedding carriage and ran down a one-legged man on a mobility scooter.
One-tonne shire horses Charlie and Buster were outside a pub when the woman and her daughter climbed on and whipped them into bolting.
They knocked Bob Tiller off his scooter and ran over the nags' owner.
Bob, 63, suffered a fractured wrist outside the Good Companion in Peacehaven, East Sussex.
The horses got tangled up on a Ford Fiesta which they wrote off ("totalled"), along with the £10,000 carriage. Police appealed for witnesses.

11 comments:

RUTH said...

The BBC are in big trouble and have had to APOLOGISE to the Queen because the made it look like she stormed out of a shoot....in fact the footage they showed was of her walking IN...oops naughty BBC....off with their heads...LOL
Rx

Shaz said...

Thanks or the link love & I'll return the gesture when my lap top is fixed (this old thing is useless). Pleased you keep poppin' by x x x x

Puss-in-Boots said...

Naughty, Naughty, BBC...causing a contetremps with ER. Yes, I saw the newsclip and she was walking IN, not out!

gledwood said...

ooer!
that's what comes from not watching any more television
(I've completely abandoned tv months ago, for the second time. when i do technically still have access to it; i just think it's crap!)
but i shall search out said clip and if i find a working one, stall paste it up in my fab celeb blog ...

Shaz said...

Thanks for the mention but I didn't technically say anything about the queen! Can I keep my head please . . . lol

IVY said...

NONONONONO I LOVE PETE DOHERTY...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood