HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, July 27, 2007

Hamster Alive; Cockroach Dead

I'VE BEEN HIBERNATING ALL AFTERNOON.

Evilstein came this morning and sprayed insecticide everywhere.
He has it in industrial strength liquid. It certainly worked. I saw a cockroach dancing a jig not long afterwards... yes there are still cockroaches here ... He doesn't realize I have a Chinese mouse hiding in that tank on top of the cupboards... seems to believe the tank is empty (tribute to Mousey's hiding powers). He even tried to get me to throw said tank away as "rubbish". No way! If Mousey ever does come to light no way can Evilstein imply he "attracts vermin" because my book The Dwarf Hamster explicitly states, "in the wild, insects can constitute 60% of the Chinese hamster's diet," so there.

Evilstein seems to love industrial strength chemicals. Only yesterday did I find a "91% sulphuric acid" solution container in our outside bins. It was there in the name of drain cleaner. But I would not put anything past the psychotic Dr Evilstein ...

The Labour government two years ago downgraded cannabis from Class B to Class C under the antidrugs laws. Now the crowds are braying for it to be reclassified back to class B, especially as a study in today's Lancet medical journal states that smokers of cannabis are at a 40% to 200% higher lifetime risk of developing schizophrenia or psychosis. Well I don't know about that. The opposing side point out that levels of schizophrenia have not increased among the general population in the 30, 40 years or so that cannabis has been popular in this country. To which The Lancet doctors reply that hospitalization practice has vastly changed over that time (so hospitalizations cannot be used as a fair guide to schizophrenia levels in the general population) plus the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia have changed over that time. So it is impossible to state with any accuracy whether levels of schizophrenia in the general populus have increased. One factor they seem not to have considered: maybe cannabis appeals more to those who are likely to go on to get schizophrenia anyhow ... All I can say about cannabis and me is that in recent times it has disagreed with me so incredibly virulently I felt like I was losing my mind last time I smoked half a spliff! So I just don't go there. Horrible stuff it is. I quite like the smell it leaves after it's been smoked. But the drug itself? Nasty business!

Cannabis? It should be made illegal ...

***

I KNOW I CAN'T POST PHOTOS. BUT IF YOU WANT to see a clip of a Chinese Hamster that looks just like mine (except this one's female) click here.

Or click this one for a Chinese Hamster from Japan. The film is better ...

And this clip shows how they cling so adeptly to hands and fingers. Seriously agile ...

***

BLOG OF THE DAY 1: Malins Drom.
Has some lovely Nordic arctic huskie pixx.

BLOG OF THE DAY 2: http://theo-de-bruxelles.blogspot.com - Belgian baby pictures.

***

OK I gotta go. I have a severe soft white rolls and hoummus craving

***

PS: This is a way of supposedly tricking American (?) Coca-Cola machines into giving out free drinks and then returning your money..?? Has anyone actually seen a Coke machine like in the clip? I haven't...

20 comments:

Paterfamilias said...

You know what your blog is missing?

Pictures. I wish you could find a way to post pictures of your chinese mouse, your door that won't latch, they dying cockroach, etc.

That'd be so cool.

Odat said...

just stopping by to say Hi...
And Yes I just saw a coke machine like that. I had to go to Boston for a wedding and it was at a Holiday Inn hotel.
Peace

Gledwood said...

Odat: did you get 2 cans for the price of 1 tho..???

Paterfam: you can now click those bits 2wards the end of my today's post and see the Chinese mouse ...

Puss-in-Boots said...

Some people will always find a way to cheat, won't they?

My brother was a heavy cannabis smoker and ended up in and out of psych hospitals with a drug induced psychosis. He doesn't touch the stuff now, but he's not the some brother he used to be.

IVY said...

I dont know what the big to do is about pot/cannabis, and all the pot smokers i've met have been finatically annoying about it, so i cant say i would be too upset if it were changed and i were you except that i wish all drugs were legal except the really harmful experimental stuff that they approve when they are trying to make money but are hiding certain studies.. this applies to sick people patients in hospitals more than drug addicts though!

IVY said...

ps im gonna go thru with it. you can see the photos if you click on the photos link on my sidebar. im scared though. ill have strange people at my place.

Edyta said...

gleds!
why cant u post pics? i thought all bloggers could... hmmzz...
well, i know u r stronger that ur drugs, but i just guess me knowing that doesnt help u one bit :(

great hamsties!

Edyta said...

just in case: hamsties = hamsters lovingly :D haha

Gledwood said...

Puss in Boots: see I agree with you. I think cannabis CAN be harmful. It definitely disagrees with me. If I were smoking it now I think I'd be climbing trees and whooping like a babboon...

Ivy: but where would you draw the line at what is and is not acceptable? If people still wanted to take it? I think they should give diamorphine to chronic heroin addicts. The crux being, not merely that they "want it" and so should be given it but that after years and years of abuse ANY doctor will admit there is a physical NEED for it. No-one can disagree with that (why else the withdrawal symptoms?) no matter what moral standpoint one takes on the matter

Edyta: BC I never learned how to post 'em up and do not have an operational digital camera ...

Gledwood said...

OK Ivy:~~ I'm going for the Photos Link Click on your sidebar as directed ...

Gledwood said...

Just couldn't find a sidebar at all last time I was there!

IVY said...

Gled, It is possible that you did not wait for it to load all the way. The sidebar is still there but my blog is horrendously long. If you can reach the end entry where it says "this boy might not see perfection in me" then the sidebar is there. Maybe on a different type of computer the sidebar is at the end of the scrolling. But it is always there, usually at the front for most computers.
As for the photos, you can just go to the last link up there... where it says "How not to post photos" and something about dysmorphic girl!

IVY said...

So, I never realized that diamorphine was heroin until today.. what fancy-assed scientist came up with that one?

IVY said...

i agree with you about the "diamorphine" but I got the feeling you didnt respond well to pot in your post either, that is the only reason i said that.

IVY said...

Um.. Who is evilstein?

IVY said...

...and why did you let him spray your apartment and why is he against you owning a chinese hampster?

Naomi Joy said...

u know I do believe that is very similar to the coke machine we had at my old highschool. I shall have to try this,....see if it really works...just too bad i didn't find out about it when i was still in school! ahwell

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tya said...

wow.. thx,,,

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood