HI PEOPLE! I HAD A NICE SLEEP THIS AFTERNOON. Strangely, all this threat of homelessness and I've snapped totally out of the depression that had been dogging me for several weeks (it always comes in pretty indistinct waves, like recurrent U shapes on a graph, except it is sometimes possible to have an aparently good day (or better day) only to plunge back down...) On Tuesday when I got severe hastle off the Evilstein landlord I went straight to Mother Hubbs's with a suitcase full of papers all bubbly and hyper. But I quietened down and told her, "You know what, any moment now I'm going to flip," and I did flip out, but it was like the anxiety sensors in my brain had all been disconnected (OK I'd had a few drinks but drink is no cure for anxiety as we all know) ... no this was something else. My head turned a treble backwards sommersault and up up! Into Lalaland!! Strawberry Fields Verruca land! Yes I was indeed confused but I didn't want not to be confused. I knew the reality was too terrible to contemplate... does this make any sense at all? Like when I turned up (eventually) at the council's offices the woman treated me like I was retarded. I wasn't "hamming it up" either; I was trying to appear as lucid as I could but it just didn't work. My problem has been that even before I was on drugs people have accused me of being "stoned" when I was down and "high" when I was up. So what can I do? I can never win. Also my moods, I suppose I have to admit, do swing up and down a bit more than the average person's. Most of my friends say antidepressants "don't really do anything" ... well they do to me! I've had roaring highs off of them and been accused of being "hypomanic". Fortunately these periods usually stabled off within a week or so and I dutifully hid them from doctors to avoid the label "bipolar" and the dreaded lithium. I would hate to be on lithium. It is a toxic metal and aparently makes you feel all heavy and lifeless. On a mental flatline. Depressives who take it (as opposed to manic depressives) don't tend to complain about that factor so much, because, I'd suppose, if anything it is lifting them ... Anyway even if I were possibly "manic" depressive it would most definitely be the mildest type. I've never gone shopping naked in Selfridges dishing out million pound cheques to the homeless or doing other things the truly manic do. But ... oh I don't know. I have a psychiatric assessment next Wednesday but I'm not volunteering any info. I do want to complain about all the months I was paranoid and hearing through the walls (now I cannot hear through the walls, which suggests I was "tripping" the entire time ...) and will say to him what planet was my old drugs worker on, to let me come in in that state (I was in abject disarray I can tell you) and not do anything! That makes me so angry!!
Agatha Christie's book is "dreadfully good" as one of her society characters might pronounce. People say her plots are "creaking" and the dialogue "wooden" sometimes. No way! She captures the speech of a certain section of society - ie the upper and upper-middle classes of England ... really from the period between the wars. When At Bertrams Hotel came out in 1965 it was already a blast from the past then. That was the point of it; that was Christie's very appeal.
The "murder" is merely a disappearance and I'm half way through. There's been a great train robbery but Miss Marple isn't up to much yet ... I'll let you know how I get on. O! Did you know I did once read a Christie and guess who done it and how! (I'm sorry but merely picking the correct character's name blindfold with a pin, as it were, does not constitute solving the mystery!) But this one book I did guess howdunnit and kept thinking come on! Come on! Can't you see it. Usually I get it totally wrong. And have now learned not even to speculate. I just let the story roll out and at the end think: oh, of course! Yeah, like I was gonna guess it all along. Yeah, right ...
Okay dokey... Obie's here. Has nobody clicked my Obie Trice link? Come on!! It is fantastic!
***
PS Blog of the day: James's New Life in Beijing: http://shuanglong.blogspot.com - he's off to Tibet now. As I told him, Tibet and Burma are the two places I've most wanted to see in the entire world ... strangely they are linked ("Tibeto-Burman languages for one thing. Many of the Burmese, Lao and Thai hilltribes supposedly originate from Tibet too...) Give it a click. Well worth the look ...
***
This is what "Madonna" claims to be her newest song:
I only rumbled "her" by visiting her oldest posts and realizing what an obvious spoof it was back then. Which has grown into some sad person's at times quite convincing fake of a famous person's website. Even before I found the blog's glaringly spoofy beginning I had my suspicions. E.g. "she" claimed to have "just finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" ... well anyone who knows about Harry Potter will realize that not even Madonna is allowed an advanced preview copy. The book was printed under armed guard. The MS American edition was so closely guarded the exec who carried it over sat on it all the way on a first class London to New York flight ... She says she had trouble rehearsing that Life Earth /whatever it was called concert with a children's choir "because they were singing too loud, I had to keep telling them to calm down; people wanted to hear me, not them" ... but sound levels: that is a sound engineer's job, when sound is electronically amplified it's a simple task to get the mix right. And certainly not the choir's problem for "singing too loud" come on!! Blahblah... And so on and so on! ...And these poor people who comment every day in their droves feel some sparkle's come into their lives because Madonna herself is reading their very words. No! It is a sad unemployed balding former milkman in South London, let me tell you!
I've been working on some more tracks for my new album. This one song in particular is looking very promising. Right now I'm calling it "Dance Dance Dance." I'm having it remixed now. I'll test it out at some clubs and see what the reaction is. You never know...It could end up on the new album! [strangely it won't. because madonna didn't write it.] Here are the lyrics...
See which flavor you like and I’ll have it for you
Come on in to my store, I’ve got candy galore
Dont pretend you’re not hungry, I’ve seen it before
I’ve got turkish delight baby and so much more
Get up out of your seat (your seat)
Come on up to the dance floor
Ive got something so sweet (so sweet)
Come on up to the front door
I need plenty of heat (heat)
Form a special connection
Just start moving your feet (your feet)
Move on over to me
I’ll be your one stop (one stop)
Candy shop (candy shop)
Everything (everything)
That I got (that I got)
I’ll be your one stop (one stop)
Candy store (candy store)
Lollipop (lollipop)
Have some more (have some more)
My sugar is raw
Sticky and Sweet
Dance Dance Dance
All the suckers are not all we sell in the store
Chocolate kisses so good
you’ll be beggin for more
Dont pretend you’re not hungry
Ive got plenty to eat
Come on in to my store
cause my sugar is sweet!
Get up out of your seat (your seat)
Come on up to the dance floor
Ive got something so sweet (so sweet)
Come on up to the front door
I need plenty of heat (heat)
Form a special connection
Just start moving your feet (your feet)
Move on over to me
I’ll be your one stop (one stop)
Candy shop (candy shop)
Everything (everything)
That I got (that I got)
I’ll be your one stop (one stop)
Candy store (candy store)
Lollipop (lollipop)
Have some more (have some more)
See which flavor you like and I’ll have it for you
Come on in to my store, I’ve got candy galore
Dont pretend you’re not hungry, I’ve seen it before
I’ve got turkish delight baby and so much more
Get up out of your seat (your seat)
Come on up to the dance floor
Ive got something so sweet (so sweet)
Come on up to the front door
I need plenty of heat (heat)
Form a special connection
Just start moving your feet (your feet)
Move on over to me
I’ll be your one stop (one stop)
Candy shop (candy shop)
Everything (everything)
That I got (that I got)
I’ll be your one stop (one stop)
Candy store (candy store)
Lollipop (lollipop)
Have some more (have some more)
Royals and rugby
-
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15 comments:
Hello there! My blog is a spanish blog!!!!!! Hope I can learn portuguese... have you ever tried meditation????
Yes. When I've been on my "clean" buzzes, I think, when I do feel anxious: "I must meditate ..." I know it works very well for not only curing anxiety but focusing the mind ...
Sorry for getting the Spanish/Portuguese wrong ... I really ought to know better. I'm so sorry ...(!)
Hi Gleds ~~ I am so sorry your life has been in chaos lately and I hope you can settle down and feel more calm. Maybe once the living arrangements are settled, you will feel better and I hope you can get a lock on your door for some privacy. The very best of luck for your meeting next Wednesday. I hope it goes well. Take care, my friend,
Regards, Merle.
Don't worry Gledwood, hope everything goes well this week, my vibes are with you... and keep on breathing it helps a lot... I've been meditating for the last 16 years!!!!!! that looks old, oh my gush!!!!
Hope it all goes well this week for you.
Hey, you need to watch out for those free burgers. I think I would rather eat a carp.
In answer of your question in my blog:
I think yes. Is really her. By blog she announced "Hey you" (nobody knows about it); she published pictures from Malawi (who else?). She's Madonna. After all she's human!
Best regards, gleds.
AnimaKonfusa
Hey buddy. Our moods come and go, like the tides. Sometimes all we can do is ride them out. Fighting them is futile. Hugs dude.
I listen to Radio 7 and they have Agatha Christie mysteries as well as Paul Temple and Rumpole. Paul Temple, made in the sixties I guess, is so very English.
I don't drink and people always seem surprised, 'You're like you are and you don't even drink?!'
Imagine what I would be like if I did, I say.
Sorry to see you're going though bit of depression... it sucks. Hope everything settles down... keep on writing, it's a good and cheap therapy ! ;)
My 18yo is bipolar 2 which is mildly depressed with one or more episodes of hypomania. They don't give him lithium. They now use newer antipsychotics if one needs them, he doesn't. A a mood stabilizer of which the most common after lithium, is depakote. It will keep one from going hypomanic or will bring 'em down.
Sorry to be dull.
could be fake, could be real. kinda hard to say! I don't think the comments are read for the most part, if in fact it is her. Yeah , I don't blog nearly enough. I'll try to keep more recent in my postings :D
I think there are more treatment options than lithium now. I actually now take a drug used to treat bipolar disorder. It works for those of us who are only deeply, deeply depressed, too. I love it.
well.actually that song WAS in the Hard Candy album..
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