HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Council of the Damned

THE EEJUT COUNCIL MAN HAD THE CHEEK TO "SURPRISE" VISIT at 10:00 this morning then have a go at me for having left things all over the floor as I was clearing up. He told my landlord to throw away the one working light I have (a kind of bedside lampstand only with no shade) as it was a "fire risk". There was a real hilarity moment when he appeared to believe I kept my clothes in the fridge. The fridge and cupboard under the sink have identical-looking doors. But aparently I am not allowed to keep dirty (clothes) washing under the sink. Why? And so what if I did want to keep my clothes in the fridge? What on earth is wrong with that? I know it's a bit weird: but what is wrong with it? Anyway he said blah blah you must remove stuff. Dr Butterstein (the less evil landlord) took Polaroids of the binbags, scattered clothes, dropped newspapers, umbrellas and rugs that were piled up by the door waiting to go - go out in the trash. I don't know what "evidence" this is. It was obviously rubbish waiting to go out. Rubbish has got mixed in with my stuff by my landlord himself when he repainted the room he just bundled all he could find in black bags where it has stayed for months on end. Whenever I open one, of course little bits go flying everywhere. We no longer have a vacuum cleaner as Laundretta kicked it down the stairs in a drunken "episode" some months ago. Also the council man told me to dispose of my rugs. Why should I? I've just put them down where they belong (when he "surprised" me they were blocking the doorway because they'd just been brushed off out the upstairs window. That's what you get for turning up unnanounced.) The council here are so inept I'm astonished the guy could make it here once in one day, let alone the promised twice. Come to think of it I'm meant to be at home waiting on him. But my room is clean to my own satisfaction (considering all factors) and to be honest I feel like sticking two fingers up at the lot of them. "This is serious. You could end up on the street." He keeps saying. I always knew years ago the streets were where I would end up and I've been there before. Sometimes you can read a situation and this one is all conspired against me. E.g. Butterstein had the gall to lie to the council man's face saying he had been to me "every day all week" to tell me what to do. No he hasn't. I've had mixed messages and no message (remember they wouldn't even give me something in writing?) ... and so it goes on. I said very little this morning. When you know you're not being listened to it makes sense to save breath. Righto I'm getting another drink and going back. I will let you know what goes "down" ...

***

Here's 2 comments and my reply to them. They highlight dr evilstein's plotting scheme:-

Evil Spock said...
Evil Spock used to keep clean boxers in ziplock bags in the freezer.

Nothing like putting on cold crisp boxers in the summertime!


19 July 2007 16:15


The Discovering Alcoholic said...
Be careful Gled- as a project manager in the past I often let pictures paint the story I wanted people to see. They are setting you up for the boot.

Turn the tables on them. Take pictures of them when they come again and take notes of the replies they give to your questions. Have a friendly witness if possible
.

19 July 2007 16:43


gledwood said...
spock: i was going to mention knickers/undies in freezer fettish but opted out: too much confusion already!

discovering: i know evilstein is manipulating me. council man is v much into v superficial appearances i.e. clean lines etc. evilstein is trying to get me to empty out drawers etc & pile up bags in middle of floor with boxes of books. this will make room look more cluttered and achieve evilstein's purpose - that I am still "scruffy" even after "clearing up" ... i am not taken in by evilstein's scheme at all!!

19 July 2007 17:08

(Evilstein is my landlord repairman. Butterstein is the ultimate bossman. I used to call him Betterstein bc I thought he was "better" than Evilstein. But know I know they're both just as slippery as each other. So Butterstein is the name that will "stick" (if that is not utter mixedmetaphorical contradiction in terms)... so to speak ...

16 comments:

Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock used to keep clean boxers in ziplock bags in the freezer.

Nothing like putting on cold crisp boxers in the summertime!

The Discovering Alcoholic said...

Be careful Gled- as a project manager in the past I often let pictures paint the story I wanted people to see. They are setting you up for the boot.

Turn the tables on them. Take pictures of them when they come again and take notes of the replies they give to your questions. Have a friendly witness if possible.

gledwood said...

spock: i was going to mention knickers/undies in freezer fettish but opted out: too much confusion already!

discovering: i know evilstein is manipulating me. council man is v much into v superficial appearances i.e. clean lines etc. evilstein is trying to get me to empty out drawers etc & pile up bags in middle of floor with boxes of books. this will make room look more cluttered and achieve evilstein's purpose - that I am still "scruffy" even after "clearing up" ... i am not taken in by evilstein's scheme at all!!

Edyta said...

gleds!
i looove the nickanames! espsh butterstein! slippery it is! i hope ur housing troubles shall settle soon!
darn, i missed this place!

Vinz said...

Unreal. I'm afraid DA is right though. You might want to cleanup the place as quick as possible and keep it that way in case they visit another time.

Alexys Fairfield said...

Gotta love those surprises. That's why they call them surprises. At least they didn't have to strip search you or plant "evidence." God, I think I've been watching too many movies. But seriously, you gotta laugh at things like these, they keep you on your toes.

Be well.

ND/Botr said...

Unrelated. To your post but a reply nonetheless.

Malagolin is a future Gnome character in the Legends of Mernac. The site advertised throughout my blog. Yes the aim will be towards RPG fantasy game playing. Read Alaunmol and the start of her tale when it coems online later today.

My blog is the alter ego. Anemo Eolic. Her character and image is in the blog. So is the start of her Legend.

Check out the Legends of Mernac and you will see what it is all about.

Anemo.

ND/Botr said...

Gled - Do heed the advice, but make your own choices. Conformity, who wants to be dictated to?

Tidy the place up and map the reactions in your own style. The larikin side says label the fridge, wardrobe, bin and other sundry items. To instil your obvious intellect into the cronies of conformity.

Anemo

whitenoise said...

Gled... better check up on Ivy.

Deb said...

do we not have a right to keep our personal space as we see fit? As long as there are no health hazards, whose bloody business is it anyway?

I'd straighten it out to YOUR liking and for sure document unannounced visits, etc. You do have rights.

Puss-in-Boots said...

It doesn't matter where you keep your clothes, Gleds. Sounds like an invasion of privacy to me...bloody bureaucrats!

I reckon they deserve the one finger salute...but it probably wouldn't do you any good. I commend you on your restraint. You've done better than I would!

Look after yourself and I hope you don't have to hit the streets.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Sorry I haven't been around for a while, but I have had lots of visitors and not enough time to read and comment. I am so sorry you are having problems with the evil people who seem to set out to make life difficult for you. Have thought of you often and wondering how things
were going for you/ Will keep you in my prayers. Take great care, Regards, Merle.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Sorry to hear that you are being plagued by bureaucrats. Take control and clean the room to your satisfaction. As long as they can't point to any safety orhealth hazard. Take the control from them. All the best.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I'm with you, Gleds. What's it got to do with anyone where you keep your clothes as long as they're in your flat? And what do they expect if they turn up unannounced? Keep fighting.

opop said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

fgeegf said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood