To go or not to go... that is the question.
The "landlord" (Dr Evilstein) I talk about is technically "chief workman" of the multiproperty franchise they have going across this area. And I am not a tenant, so I have no tenant's rights. I'm merely a "licencee" which means I'm granted licence to stay a night at a time on a 24-hour basis, renewed 21-nightly. So if they want to get rid of me or anyone else they most certainly have the legal right.
The "boss man" who I call Dr Betterstein because he's considerably brighter and more amenable to sense than Dr Evilstein did come and talk to me at some point. All I know is I'm meant to speak to someone on Monday, I think. This is all a bit hazy as my reaction was to hit the drink etc so hard that most of yesterday's recollection lies in tatters. I totally lost it and kept losing my possessions on the street. At one point a working girl I know, who is very nice, came up and knocked on my door with my address book. She'd found it in the phone box from where I'd called the council and knew it was mine from the methadone labels. Nearly all of what who said to whom about what has gone. Of course I know I'm meant to be getting chucked out, but seriously cannot remember the last of it. I do know that something's meant to be happening on Monday, so I'm arranging my stuff to go.
Considering that my ancestors trekked across Europe during an ice-age staving off wooly mammoths with sharpened sticks and shivering in torn animal skins in icy caves all winter I don't see how surviving in modern day London without a fixed address should be a problem. I have done it before. If my old place (a 1000 square foot industrial unit) is still open then I'm going there. 1000 sq foot is half the size of Paris Hilton's Los Angeles apartment and in a way I was happier there than crammed into one room. The downside there was no electricity and it got really expensive on candles; I was spending about £1 a day just on lighting. Also it is freezing cold. So cold that even in may my bedside drink was ice-cold by morning - as if it'd just come out of the fridge. But the cold is supposedly good for you. Did you know the shivering uses up excess calories? And breathing cold air at night works wonders for respiratory conditions - soldiers wounded in World Wars I and II did far better in tents than when transferred to the built-up "posh" hospitals... My old place is, however, running alive with rats. But i don't mind that as much as I mind matran and laundretta. I just hope I can still get back in. Otherwise the girl who came yesterday said she knows a couple of good places (where you do not have to share with others: I'm not living in a crackhouse. I'm too old for all that.)
Well let's see what happens on Monday. I thought I'd be alright ... I can't explain how.
And remember what it says in the Bible: "Consider the lillies of the field. They neither sow nor reap and yet Solomon in all his glory was never arrayed so fine". People pay lip service to those words but if you can't live by them what does that say?
Whatever happens, I will still be able to post as I'm doing so from the cafe at the end of my possibly soon-to-be-old road. So none of the important things will change.
As they say: when you're down, the only way is up....
...so...
Onwards and upwards!
***
PS I'm doing no fewer than three "memes"
Meeyauw's Music Meme
Daniel Thompson (Microtonal Composer Supreme)'s Meme
and
Zhu's Meme (which I kind of tagged myself for. I've not forogtten, Zhu)
so please give me a day or two to comply...
The musical one I'm going to post up on my musical blog but with links given here, as with my Power Ballads theme. If anyone has a power ballad they wanna hear, tell me; I'll post it up!!
HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.
LIVE FROM LONDON
Gledwoods deutscher Blog
Bitte hier klicken ...
DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT
I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.
I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.
My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.
This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.
If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.
PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...
PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!
I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.
My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.
This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.
If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.
PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...
PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!
Attack of the Furry Entertainers!
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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!
METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH
Heroin Shortage: News
If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.
Christiane F
"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools.
Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross...
Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way.
CHRISTIANE F:
TRAILER
You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.
To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...
DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!
Drugs Videos
Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.
If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.
Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"
Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"
In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"
Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).
Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"
Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.
Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).
Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...
And lastly:
German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!
If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.
Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"
Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"
In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"
Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).
Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"
Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.
Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).
Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...
And lastly:
German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!
Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?
Manic Magic
Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog
Copyright 2011 by Gledwood
7 comments:
Hi, my friend!
We're satisfied that you liked our blog of Formula 1 and other motorsports. We'll keep S&G Brasil alwayws updated and we hope you come back to see us!
Greetings!
Sheesh Gleds, don't fall apart now mate. If you're pissed on monday you're not doing yerself the favour. It's not like it's your fault that shit is falling apart is it? If that dude is reasonable he will see that as well. I hope you'll be fine.
Equipe: many thanks! (I cannot say that in Portuguese I'm afraid)
Vinz: I will try not to
Gledwood,
Sorry that all this is happening but surely they won't turf you out without alternatives. I'll be praying for you and your situation.
Gleds I don't like to think of you on the streets. Can't the council help?... I felt it was important you got away from where you are living but don't want to see you homeless.
Rx
Thank Grey Squirrel. Ruth: The council supposedly can rehouse but I'm not very positive about it as I built up arrears before (typical me) ... tomorrow I get to talk to my landlords about the situation. I'm just cleaning up the cooker top etc, surfaces, putting everything like books on top of the cupboard, generally making the place look tidier. I've not been "packing" as that is too negative
YES! YES! YES! I love the cold so much! I am a winter person all the way hate summer hate sun with a passion. I wish we had snow here, michigan snow not wisconsin snow. I am more productive AND happier in the winter.
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