HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Adventure Game, Abscess and Gremlins in a Tube...

MY ABSCESS, that I had on my left thigh and barely mentioned has gone down pretty nicely without bursting (mine never burst, my immune system, aparently, is too strong) they just sink down. Faintly disappointingly as no pus to ooze, explode, mop etc. but all in all far healthier. The top of my leg was bright red at one point. Hmmm...

Gremlins in a tube: yes! I picked up the Maltesers tubie this morning, had to put my hand the other end in case I laugh and that is enough to make them blindly bolt out the other end, believe me... and cooed into it, "Hello! Hello! Come out you baby gremlins!" and two nervous little faces appeared, two pink quivering noses, one atop the other (they seem to love sleeping double-decker). This was Bashful and Itchy. Big Momma Spherical, being superior (and I suspect she is their literal mother) sleeps separately and imperiously in the granary (ie the cardboard box into which they disgorge all their wild birdseed) and would go bananas if I dared disturb her peace... So in the end Sergeant Itchy emerged to investigate and ran over my hands for a while. So tiny I must get a photo to show you. Meanwhile have a click on this and note how tiny is the robbie in scale with the toilet tube. Tiny tiny pompom-pingers. Maybe the original L Roborovski founder of the dwarf hamster brand in 1910 or thereabouts lost the pompom off his wooly hat on one deep siberian expedition only to see it racing about with legs on and a little pink nose and hiding under bushes... a closer look and hey!... it was Bashful and Itchy's great great to the power of a hundred ancestors ~~ wahey!...

My main video of the day comes from the dark days of the 1980s when Britain had a mere 4 television channels and computers were glorified pocket calculators. It's the peerless Adventure Game!! Take a look at this for a blast from the past in ancient computer graphics. And also how crap most BBC TV used to be... stage actors treating the studio as if it were live theatre (lots of OTT expressions and voice projection) and so on and so on... Which begs me to pose the question: what was 80s TV like in YOUR part of the world? How many channels did you get? Is it true you Australians had channels 1, 2, 3 and 9... but no 6, 7 or 8??! Plus what was the worst programme of all time (apart from the delicious Prisoner: Cell Block H!?!

Also, to perk up your stately Sunday I've two clips of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie starring in The Simple Life: Interns
1. Vacuuming up a corpse
2. Burger King employees!


***

Prisoner Cell Block H - Best Acting Clip~~ starring Erica Davidson, the "kindly witch"...

26 comments:

Ropinator said...

It is toronto.

Gledwood said...

oh!

Gledwood said...

there's a lot of buildings that resemble a flying saucer impaled on a massive spike in northern usa and southern canada i've noticed that before... i wonder WHY??!

ChrisB said...

Hi Gledwood. Though I would drop by. However do you find time to run so many blogs!!

gledwood said...

Twice a week or so I go "hopping" for a couple of hours...

CrystalChick said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!!

Adventure Game clip was bizarre, never saw it, but it brought to mind sooo many oldies but goodies (IMO) from the t.v.land of my past. Sigmund and the Sea Monsters, the Banana Splits, and the infamous H.R. Pufnstuf (which I actually have a VHS set of... should I be admitting that here??)
Also, your video of Prisoner Cell Block H was good stuff!! I seriously watched that way back when and had recently thought of it when I used the name in a blog last week (it was buried in there, so don't go looking for it. LOL) NO one I know would have gotten the reference anyway.
Lizzie was my favorite, followed up probably by Doreen. Now you have made me go and add it to my Christmas Wish List. 'Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman' is already on it as that just came out on DVD a couple months ago... another show I watched in the late 70's/early 80's?

Peace, Mary

Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deb said...

Sorry gled, that was me.

Many of those "flying saucer" building tops "revolve" 360 degrees...usually they're restaurants that offer complete views of a city - quite spectacular.

The ones that are "stationary" still offer the same great views - only you walk around to see things from all angles.

We have a couple of them here in Vancouver (I've only been once, many years ago).

Linds was just at the Space Needle in Seattle and took some pictures from there - I'll post them for you.

Those little hamsters are SO cute.

Linds and I used to watch "The Simple Life" all the time.

whitenoise said...

Sinead was talented. I watched in disbelief as she ripped up that picture of the pope after performing live on SNL. The audience was stunned. No applause, no sound.

I'm not a religious man, but I knew right there that she'd killed her own career...

Captain Smack said...

You know, I never got that whole SNL/Sinead thing. It was weird to me that everyone was so shocked by that. I was like "What? Everyone's in love with the catholic church now?"

*GASP* OH NO! A rock singer made a negative statement about religion! Gee, that's never happened before.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Sorry about the abcess - well, glad it has gone, I meant sorry you had it. Love the link to the robbie photo! And such a cute story about them. Do post us a pic of them, Gleds.

gledwood said...

Crystal: You got Prisoner Cell Block H in New Jersey? Wow it gets everywhere! Lizzie Birdsworth was one of my favourites as well: "Gee Mrs Davidson, if I don't get some tucker for me dodgy ticker I'll cark it" haha! Yeah surely you get it on DVD now even if you have to get it from Amazon abroad...

Debs: the only thing we have resembling such is called the Post Office Tower or Telecom Tower in London. It stands out like a pin stuck in a pancake... it had a revolving restaurant in the "saucer"... difference being as far as I know there was no true spike (ie just concrete with elevators or stairs inside) it was actually a very narrow cylindrical office block... the intention being to give space for all the satellite and communications equipment up top...

Whitenoise: I heard about this antipope thing she did... over here it wasn't so much of an issue except with Roman Catholics... her career I think has sunk here because she's gone less popularist. Her records were still selling in the hundreds of thousands but no more in the millions afterwards.
After she did that and got booed offstage at a few other places she got all tearful and crying... I mean what do you expect Sinead?!?

gledwood said...

Cap'n S: yeah but Sinead had no hair remember :: which timesed her statement into something FAR more scurrilous..!

Welshcakes: I would love to get film of them washing each other. They are so funny when they do that, turning it almost into some kind of fight, really odd...

gledwood said...

Note to self: these are countries I had 1% of visitors from, apart from Hungary, I don't know who any of these people might be!

ivory coast, indonesia, morocco, turkey, united arab emirates, colombia, malaysia, hungary, japan, sweden.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds! I'm back in the land of the blogging.

To answer your question about being up at sparrow fart...yes, it is an antipodean saying. But as for where it came from, I don't know. I guess it relates to when guys first wake up, they stretch, scratch their balls...and fart.

Hmmm, an abscess on your thigh, sounds painful. What caused it?

Anyway, Gleds, take care of yourself. I had a look at your tiny little Robbies...they are small, aren't they? But rather cute.

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

I question the video title - Paris and Nicole vacuuming up dead bodies.

Should this not be either:

Vacuous Bodies Paris and Nicole

or

Brain Dead Paris and Nicole finally doing some blooming housework?

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Your little Robbies are so tiny, but very cute. You get a lot of pleasure from them I think. Glad you liked the Wooden Bowl story.
I did watch Prisoner - Cell Block H
when they first made it, many years ago. I too like Lizzie best. She is dead now and so is Bea I think.
How goes the writing? Good luck with it. Take great care, Regards, Merle.

Amazing Gracie said...

Ow...jeez, that can't be good! I'm glad it went down on it's own and didn't turn into a Vesuvius! But where is the abcess going? Don't become septic...
The little hammies are adorable! I think I mentioned that I wanted a ferret but they've outlawed them in California. I think they're afraid they'll eat children or some dumb thing. Some poor child was killed yesterday because his mother was sleeping and the other sibling was trying to plug in a DVD, and the TV set fell on him. I'm sure the libs here will try to pass a law banning TV's. That's about how bad it's getting...
Thanks for checking out my "dark" blog. I had to update today...
I love reading your blog. Your style of writing is really interesting and real.
Stay well and safe...
~~~Blessings~~~

Gledwood said...

Gracie: yes I hate it when every single freak accident has to result in a new law else the politicians will get crucified by the media. Do they not see how ridiculous their kneejerk reactions are? Or are they so entrenched in the status quo they just cannot think in any way out of it~??

Merle: Lizzie Birdsworth was one of my favourites as well... the writing I took a couple of days off... I don't know why I should procrastinate like this but I'm right up to the part where real excitement begins!

Mermaid: hey you didn't say what's the connexion with Moorgate! But you're quite right about the Paris vacuosity/whatever word is s'posed to be...

Gledwood said...

Pussinboots: oh that came from the nasty drugs injecting I'm afraid... yes it corrodes away and now and then because things are falling apart I get a bad side-effect like an abscess like that ... as for the robbies they are extremely cute and look so tiny against household normal things... they would be scale probably to a cow size against Morph...
Have a look at Morph he is so entertaining. I never liked the white one, Clive or whatever his name was he is Morph's nemesis!

RAFFI said...

glad your abscess didn't pop. and i wish i had impregnated nicole richie than that dork from good charlotte. i like that skinny wench

Ropinator said...

4 tv channel is not much.

gledwood said...

Raffi: Uh?? Oh I see what you mean I thought you were saying "I wish I had impregnated Nicole Richie WITH that dork from Good Charlotte"... which I found rather confusing... Nicole Richie: don't you think she's a psycho? She's always the one who causes the unapologetic trouble in the simple life - remember her tipping bleach all over the pool table in series 1 or was it 2..? ??

Ropinator: - hey but you come from Hungary! Surely things weren't very much different there in 1985?

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood