HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Pinging Pouch-packing Pompoms

MY HAMSTERS CONSUMED AN ENTIRE WILD BIRD IN TWENTY MINUTES YESTERDAY.

Yes! Seeing as no food was to be found in the roborovski enclosure, save stray dry chiken bones and hunks of bread and the odd scone buried in the sawdust 'neath their wheel (they have an incorigable habit of stashing their din-dins, the swines!) I fed them a handful of "wild bird" seed; believing that, between the three of them, they might polish the last of it off that spot within perhaps three days. How wrong I was! Five minutes flat and the entire handful of seeds was GONE! My baby gremlins sat right on it stuffing their faces, filling their pouches more and more and more until literally they were three round fur-balls on the brink of explosion. Baby Itchy, being the tiniest, managed to return safely to the hamster-house to "disgorge". Then Bashful tried to follow suit and by this time I was watching closely. She was so enormously fat and rounded she could not fit through the entrance (that Yangyang had originally excavated as their house is just a small box of cardboard)... Looking embarrassed and distinctly inconvenienced, Bashful took to nibbling angrily at the doorway, sticking her head through and pushing... still too fat. The entire house shifted and threatened to fly up in the air to various rattlings of the seeds Itchy had already stashed inside... so she nibbled again and again and still wouldn't fit. Spherical, meantime, had totally given up on the hammyhouse seedery idea and disgorged hers in the Maltesers tube. So I snatched the hamster house up in my hands, much to Bashful's left and right and peering up into the sky in wonderment confusion and tore a bigger opening myself. On its return she viewed this human-smelling orifice with scepticism. Turned on her tail and was last seen emptying her seeds beneath the far righthand corner toilet tube...

It's hard to believe that these three critters, each the size of my thumb, can between them stash a handful of birdseed in one or two mouthfuls each and then literally the whole lot was so roundly polished off that nowt but woodshavings remained where the seeds had been. I put out another handful and they ran to hoard this lot as well. And I think by today they've eaten most of it, too. They eat a lot of food for their size. A lot of food compared to Yangyang, the Chinese hamster. And I'm not surprised either. They must burn it all up with all that racing around they do in their every waking minute...

Spherical (or "Merickal" - the new name I coined as Mother Hubbs says the original's too much of a (wild-bird-like(?)) mouthful) has made the hamster house her new bedroom, stuffed as it is with special hamster cotton wool (which I suspect is merely Johnson and Johnson's cotton wool pulled apart, died in a mild solution of food colouring and marked up about 1000%) whereas the other two remain in the limited Christmas edition Maltesers cardboard tube, woodshavings piled up each end. As I mentioned probably yesterday, Merickal's actually the most bashful, racing around in blind panicks each time I threaten to poke her with my fingertips; Bashful's quite tame and will actually wander up to me. She tries to eat my fingers unless I poke the back of her neck. In which case she endures this as a fellow robo-groom thing (they always wash each other's shoulders; I've no idea why). And Baby Itchy is just... the babiest gremlin. Surely a dwarf hamster dwarf, so tiny, you can feel her bones as you pick her up, poor cow. I don't think she's ill though as she runs the wheel with just as much enthusiasm as my other two. Only problem is, being so light if she decides on one direction when another wants the other, poor Baby Itchy ends up revolving round and round and round in constant loop-the-loops until she scrabbles off! (It's a wire wheel and so they can hang on while they spin upside down...)

Right on that note I'd better be off. The local shop are selling butterscotch flavour McVities chocolate digestives and I'm after something charming to dip into my tea.

Cheerio!

G


Videos:
1. Eminem ft Dido - Stan
2. WhitneyBobby Diane Sawyer Xmas Cheer
3. WhitneyMariah When You Disbelieve. Oops, I mean "Believe"

13 comments:

-TNChick- said...

Yes, I head up the PhotoHunt, sort it out, keep it running, etc =)

Yes, you can play - anytime you'd like.

More info is here.

gledwood said...

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

Carver said...

Hi gledwood,

My quirky fact is 68 percent so I'm not too far behind you, ha. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I see you may be joining the photohunt soon. It's highly addictive. The best excuse I've had in ages to let my house pile up with more rubbish and dirt. I can't clean for all the photohunters to check out. Take care, Carver

Deb said...

That kid in raymi's video is SO cute. My son used to talk like that when he was that age.

And Whitney....what to think of her. She seems so defensive but offers little for explanation. The way she answered "is it drugs?" made me think (obviously) it is. I think she probably shouldn't do interviews unless she's clarifying things because it just makes the speculations seem true when she doesn't disspell the myths (if that's what they are).

You're lucky to have hamster friends. Maybe they think they're birds.

Gledwood said...

Carver: I have a digital camera but it's in need of a battery charger which comes separate aparently (Pentax)... I FOUND this camera in Trafalgar Square.
The shop wanted £40 for the charger alone whereas other cameras don't even need one...argh... well I'm going to start posting a photo blog one of these days

Debs: she does eventually answer the drugs question yes it was cannabis pills cocaine she always denies crack which I don't believe it's NOT cheap it costs the same per g as coke so I don't follow her logic...

as i said i didn't used to like her in the 1980s but i always thought she had a good voice if not the best voice .... the new music she has done like that fugees "my love/your love" i like far far more!

aparently she divorced bobby brown and is bringing out a new album next year

clive davis who mentored whitney is mentoring leona lewis who won the british "idol" contest... sounds like mariah i wish she would drop the mariah impersonations though... anyway leona is signed to arista too and they say she will be the next big thing

Audrey said...

I watched the Whitney interview and was shocked by some of the images I had not seen of her before, she was very defensive and answered without answering most of the questions put to her I felt, made me wonder why she agreed to do the interview in the first place

Lol isnt it amazing just how much food hammys can stuff in those pouches of theirs, it brought back memories of mine trying to get through spaces but not succeeding due to having to much cargoe,so enjoyed reading all about them

Love to dunk myself but dont you just hate it when the buscuit gets just that bit too soggy and drops off into the tea before your mouth can reach it.

Looking forward to hearing Leonna sing again, she should be a huge success

Take care :) Auds

gledwood said...

I let my old Pandable out one night. Because he was big he was safer to run about bc couldn't squeeze under the door or anything... anyway he went about inspecting the room ... spent AGES behind chest of drawers. When i put him back "home" he packed pouches with every scrap of bedding could manage, then begged to get out, I let him out he ran straight behind said drawers, deposited bedding there... in the end i had to say sorry mate you can't live behind my drawers he was most upset...

when Hobnobs came out they said they'd been specially designed for dunking as could hold the most tea for the longest time without dropping off!

i hope Leona does have a good career because she seemed a nice girl, also she has a wonderful voice i just really wish she would drop the Mariah act i find Mariah carey's singing so annoying

Lee said...

I'm of similar quirkiness to you, gledwood and I came out as an "Excellent Cook"...I guess I should, seeing I spent quite a few years cooking professionally!!!! ;)

I hope Baby Itchy is okay. :)

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Gleds. Eminem and Dido, now there's a interesting coupling...so to speak. I quite like them both, so together they're pretty good.

I've been catching up on posts. You've had an interesting few days. Laundretta sounds a bit, well, different, I suppose. I guess life's never boring where you live...sounds like here.

Yep, you're right when you commented that Moreton Bay bugs look like bedbugs 10,000 times magnified. That's a pretty fair description. But they taste better than any bedbug could, trust me.

Take care.

Calista*Was*Here said...

Hello,

finally u did not say what kind of comments u would like.
Misunderstanding, I guess.

Have an easy day!

Bye!

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Those hamsters are very interesting little things, but they sure cn eat. Mariah isn't a patch on Whitney. Thanks for your comment - a good one. Can human memory extract all that info. I think not.
Take care, All the best, Merle.

gledwood said...

Lee: Itchy's fine but seems to be shrinking by the day (else the others are growing haha!)

PussInBoots: I don't like crustaceans... but if I did I imagine they'd be lovely. I'm really ookie about eating things with eyes on stalks that come in shells

Calista: Sorry you're right I did not understand I do now; let me get back to you...

Merle: I'm glad someone agrees with me about WhitneyMariah!

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood