HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Bumblebee hammies ill Mother Hubbard landlord bang-bang Whitney rage...

ON MONDAY... for Sunday night...


SORRY I was so tired
last night I fell asleep on the floor with my my robbies next to me in their fishtank. According to the books, small rodents of the hamsters, mice ilk cannot see by red fireglow bulbs so that's what I installed in my bedside light... When that light is on they feel safe enough to come out and PING for England...

And I had all sorts of strange hamster dreams... one dream or fantasty involved my robos being fitted with mini rabbit-style harnesses replete with remote-controlled bumblebee wings... and me with the controller having my furry baby gremlins bzzzzzzz all over the place in 3D...


Not much else to tell since yesterday
except I came by Mother Hubbs' place this morning only to see her lying in bed with 20 years put on her... severe diarrhoea and vomiting... it's been everywhere of late. I've had it twice. I'm OK now though I had to avoid eating any big meals for quite sometime. Must be some virus/germs/"bug" going around...

I bought her oral rehydration salts - only flavour available was yukky blackcurrant (how much more nauseating can you GET?!?) but she said that was fine and she felt better "what are friends for?"

But her eejut landlord was banging away in the floorboardless next room. NOT very helpful for the sick.

Well that's what I've been doing. How about you?

Music of the day is:

BRITNEY SPEARS' FAMOUS VMA "CATASTROPHE" (I must say I've seen far worse...)
And WHITNEY'S FURIOUS "you cheated on me, boy" XYLOPHONIC "IT'S NOT RIGHT"

21 comments:

jim dandy said...

haha, I liked the forensic analysis of Britney's zombie dance.
As for Mother Hubb's eejut landlord...maybe he broke his heel.

chipper said...

Briytney ... ah, should she make a comeback, I hope she does it as a more mature sort. But then again, I think she enjoys the attention she gets for her antics. And Whitney? Love her voice. Always have. The MAD TV spoofs were unnecessarily cruel, IMHO.

Sorry I've been out of touch. Have made a confession on my blog. Yes, I am an addict. But I am now in recovery.

Gledwood said...

Jim: maybe... hey you didn't tell me how much **** cost

Chip: what's happened to YOU?!?

Addict?

Duh I thought so and people going on at you so you cannot say yeah i know i wished i had shut up why hammer on at someone so they ... oh well

glad youre in recov' NOW at least!!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hope Mother Hubb is better soon. I can just imagine the robos pinging away!

WAT said...

Hello Gleddy u crazy devil u! I've been out of it with yer blog for a bit, but so honored to have u visit mine as of late!

Stop drinking so much crazy dude, and you're 80% American in yer poll? WHAT?! AHAHAHAAHAAH! Aren't u in the U.K. lad? What gives?!

Whitney has such a terrific voice, but addiction (as u may know) has ruined her once glorious career. And don't even get me started on poor Britney...

CalistaWasHere said...

I just try to imagine your life...
I really wonder, how do u manage things?

Be well,
Gledwood!

jim dandy said...

Hello, my name is Jim and I'm an alcoholic. (really)
Oh, and as to your query, I answered at my blog where you asked, but for your convenience...I paid $9.99 at amazon,com, altho if I had gone to a record store, 16 dollars would be the average price (probably more) for a CD here in the states.
Now if I may ask YOU, if am I paying an exorbitant amount for importing my Absinthe at £45.00 plus shipping for a 100cl size bottle of Duplais?
It's not available here, but I order it from England pretty regularly. (and pricy!)

gledwood said...

Welshcakes: they are VERY pingy indeed. I accidentally dropped a chicken bone on them yesterday night - wow the kerfuffle. They all ran and hid in various tubes only to emerge in unison about 5 seconds later looking confused...

Wat: yes I looked up Whitney on wikipedia (nearly said whitneypedia but hohumm) anyway whoever wrote the article was SUCH a fan they left out her garage sale when she even sold her KNICKERS because she needed the crack money or whatever this was about...

Calista: how do I manage? with great difficulty. better than i used to tho...

gledwood said...

Jim: I looked but never saw the answer probably oh i don't know... you're lucky did you know $16 is DISCOUNT here. Originally they wanted $26!!!

gledwood said...

NOTE TO SELF: EMBED THIS LINK TOMORROW. IT EXPLAINS HOW ANTISHOPLIFTING GIZMOS WORK!!

gledwood said...

duh! here's the link

http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/anti-shoplifting-device4.htm

gledwood said...

comment for dimbalis.com/shoplifting

I know lots of shoplifters because I am on drugs as are most of my friends... stuff like the foil bag thing you described ARE supposed to work but (in this country - UK at least) if you get caught with a foiled up bag you are "going equipped to steal" this is a worse offence than mere shoplifting...

another way you can get small tagged merchandise out of the store (CDs etc) is put them in your hat then just walk through the scanners...

only works if you're tall like me though!!

gledwood said...

http://www.dimabilis.com/shoplifting

Lee said...

I think Britney should give up her day job! Night job, too!

I hope Mother Hubb is feeling a lot better by now. I hope her landlord caught her bug! ;)

Mousie/Paisible said...

may be one day you'll wake up and you'll be a hamster...I did it once, I'm a mousie and happy with it !!!

gledwood said...

Lee: you're damn right she's already been sacked by her management as well as her lawyers... her bodyguard has testified against her about her drugs use... now the Sun Newspaper claims she is certain to lose custody of her 2 little boys

Mousie: you're quite right... that is why I FOUND you in the 1st place I thought you kept a blog about mice!!

And you're right about my turning into a hamster... I've been searching for a nice hammy picture to use as my "avatar" for some time but the one I wanted actually disappeared off of Wikipedia... ho-hummmmm

Bimbimbie said...

Hi Gleds, the little animal you asked about is a baby bandicoot, nocturnal marsupial, hole digging worm, beetle eater ... but cute and about the size of a large rat

hey but, you speak Queensland too*!*

Mrs H was lucky you looked in on her when you did ... hope she's feeling better and you are guzzling the lemonade.

gledwood said...

Lemonade? I just tend to drink TOO much of it!!

The cyder I am cutting down on as was making me feel too rundown all the time and literally weighted down with "heavy limbs" etc etc

How come I speak Queensland? I cannot remember what phrase I used...

That swine thing is dead cute: a bandicoot? Are they the ones that eat live scorpions for breakfast?

I remember seeing an Australian nature documentary about a mouse thing I called a "piatkus"... every breeding season they go nuts. Nibbling their scorpions for breakfast then breeding breeding breeding... then all the males DIE from sheer exhaustion... haha!

gledwood said...

oh you mean putting "but" at end of sentences, but?

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood