Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Write On?

... AND SO TO BED!

Just kidding. My marathon sleeping's showing no signs of coming to an end.

The book's coming on well. I'm just getting to the bit where I have my first hangover and first try drugs... now the narrative slows down and I must write in properly constructed scenes with dialogue and all.

Ooo. I'm so excited!

By the way, if I mentioned that the student residences were "full of privately educated: Mileses, Gileses, Sebastians and Spencers not to mention Tillies, Hillies, Annabels and Fionas from upstairs"

... are people e.g. in America going to "get" that those are posh names?

I find the ultra ultra hip young Brit thing a lot of writers put on rather tiresome. I want the whole world to understand me. As I said, I always write for a sheepshearer on beer break Down Under and a career girl riding the subway to Manhattan: if both of these get my drift then I've done my job right...

Well I had better go, for as the saying goes:

It will not write itself!

(After an hour's procrastination bloghopping and commenting. Of course!!)

***

Oh PS one reason I was so upset by those (what I considered) paltry royalty rates was that Jeffrey Archer gets 17.5% of hardback cover price on his works. So why should I settle for 10% and less on export for paperback?

***

Other vid of the day:
Sinead O'Connor - Three Babies ~ I know it's been up before, but I really like this one, especially the three Sineads looking all curious and innocent in the first shot or so
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12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love Sinead, of course my last names O'Connor so I might be a bit prejudiced

30 September 2007 at 02:42
Lo Kelween said...

hey i am hoping for best for your writing. it should be a great book for young people!

by the way, my blog is back to normal..sorry coz i accidentally disrupted the HTML format! :)

30 September 2007 at 07:09
Akelamalu said...

I can't wait to read your book Gleds.

30 September 2007 at 11:31
Gledwood said...

Tom: Tom O'Connor?! You mean THEE Tom O'Connor off the telly??

Elween: I was wondering what the hell was wrong with it! No posts!!

Akelamalu: You might have to wait a year even if I DO finish it in four months...

30 September 2007 at 11:45
Gledwood said...

And four months would be a pretty quick time to finish a book in...

30 September 2007 at 11:45
CG said...

I want to read your book too!!

17-mile drive is on the coast of California. Thanks for your kind comments on my blog and photos :) x

30 September 2007 at 21:13
Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Oh, settle for nothing less than Archer's royalty levels, Gleds! I love the way you describe your target audience,btw.

30 September 2007 at 23:48
Anonymous said...

oh yes I write for the travellers, slackers, bored people of the WORLD not just dullard British intellectuals!!
You're right no way will I settle for a pilchard of a deal like the one mr Blockbuster suggested.
Blockbuster book requires blockbuster deal.
Anyway I need enough advance to get a house. And houses are really expensive these days...

1 October 2007 at 00:21
Spacecake said...

I want to write a book one day. I've been wanting to do so for... ages. I can't remember when I first got the idea but ever since I thought of it, the idea hasn't been forgotten.

I'd start now; I would've started ages ago if I only knew what I wanted to write about.

Well, I don't know, I have no idea, but considering I have my whole life ahead of me (unless I get hit by a car tomorrow or something) I'm not trying to rush it. I think about it all the time, and secretly think of ideas although I don't see myself getting anywhere (yet).

Ok why did I explain all this? No idea. But I can't backspace now, because I already typed it all and I'm a psycho like that :].

2 October 2007 at 13:37
Steve said...

"full of privately educated: Mileses, Gileses, Sebastians and Spencers not to mention Tillies, Hillies, Annabels and Fionas from upstairs"

If the rest of the book is like this, it will be great. But if I hadn't seen the Upstairs/Downstairs show, I probably wouldn't have gotten that part.

By the way, what is that little bell that rings so gently now and then? I think it must be on your blog. Never heard it before.

I guess I'll stop reading through this and wait for the new stuff.

3 October 2007 at 07:38
Anonymous said...

You get what the market will bear. My husband has written three books (they all got excellent reviews from credible sources), but he never really made a dime. His subject matter is sometimes a little esoteric, though. Things may go much better or you...I really hope so. You deserve some hard-won monetary success.

8 October 2007 at 17:22
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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood