HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

8am Underwear Chaos

I GOT FRANTIC KNOCKING ON MY DOOR AT 7:30 a.m. from Laundretta. Hid robos and opened up only to find her and Matran drest in nothing but underwear... I don't know what they had been doing but they had managed to get locked outside their high security room in this state (why can't my room have such a secure lock?) with seemingly no possibility of getting back in.

Having seen their near-naked bodies I have to say Laundretta is pretty stacked and I can see what her clients book her for. I will give her 8 out of 10. Matran is the same shape as a deflating hot air baloon as he took to tucking into chicken nuggets and other vulgar food when he last gave up crack. I will give him 2.5 out of 10.

Anyway I had a big bag full of clean washing but didn't want pubic lice, gonorrhoea, etc getting into it and so didn't make the offer... they didn't want me hanging outside but kept asking stupid questions like what was the time (I don't know as my mobile phone screen has gone and that was my only timepiece)... eventually Radio 4's thought for the day came on (meaning it was 10 to 8) so I told them this... then the weather, then the news... they needed to know the time so that I could go out find Evilstein and their spare key (o what a scene THAT would have made!)

Laundretta asked for something sharp/etc... I gave her my tomato knife. It was unfortunately covered in dry baked bean juice which she grimaced at as if it was crudsome diarrhoea. Then I found them a pair of scissors. This they used to chizel away the wood on the corner of their Yale-style lock.

Then more banging. Did I have a plastic card. No! I said pointedly as I never keep such valuables in here. (Glad I got that one in...) Eventually I did find an old Oyster card which is something you keep in a wallet or even a pocked and can touch through fabric onto a reader on buses or tube clappergates to get prepaid discount transport throughout London. This was luxuriously bendy and ten minutes later they got in and paid me a bit of crack for my troubles.

Technically I had given up crack but had already squared it with self that if I FOUND any (or someone gave it to me) that was different. I'm still not wasting my money on such rubbish.

Now they have both started speaking to me again. Well I suppose because they had to.

And I psychologically have promised not to laugh at what happened.

Ha-haargh!!

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ALL SAINTS VIDEOS OF THE DAY:
1. Black Coffee (their best song)
2. Pure Shores (music from The Beach)
3. Never Ever (="Amazing Grace"... but 9/10 people don't seem to realize that)

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ISN'T THE MUSIC BIZ A CRUEL MISTRESS?

Hear this from the Wikipedia's Shaznay Lewis (All Saints') article and bear in mind that with the eclipse of the Spice Girls in the late 90s they were the top-selling girlgroup (and always the coolest) of that decade...

On August 21, 2004 Shaznay married dancer Christian "Storm" Horsfall. Shaznay had her first child, a son named Tyler Xane, in February 2006.

On January 24, 2006 it was announced that All Saints have reformed with a new record contract and will release a new album, Studio 1 on November 13th 2006.[3] She performed with All Saints on live television for the first time since reforming on the UK light entertainment program, Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway on October 21st 2006. All Saints started their comeback off with a bang as their single Rock Steady went to ~3 in the UK. They quickly followed with their comeback album Studio 1 and things went downhill, the album flopped at a peak of ~40 in the UK and not charting in many other countries. Polydor then decided to take one last chance with All Saints and let them release their second single Chick Fit.The single failed to make the slightest impact not even hitting the top 200. All Saints were then dropped by record label Parlophone. The group say they will remain together and search for a new record company.

12 comments:

jim dandy said...

Too funny!

Gledwood said...

... yeah and that was just a normal day ...

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

I did your dog quiz and appear to be a chihuahua! Gosh, it all happens round your way, doesn't it? Liked the bit [nearly wrote "crack"] about not keeping valuables in there!

Odat said...

Hiya!!! Just stopping by to say hey! Love those songs and here's my bird: :-)

Your Power Bird is a Swan

You are a truly graceful and gorgeous creature.
You easily see beauty in yourself and others.
Intuitive and in touch, you can often guess what the future will bring.
And you're flexible enough to accept the changes that life has in store for you.

Peace

Naomi Joy said...

that was too funny!

And it says your the best looking of the bunch...i would so like to see a picture someday to see who is writing all this...

gledwood said...

Welshcakes: who was it sung "a house is not a home" that is most certainly true of my house

Odat: I tried doing the questionnaire again and got all manner of answers from vulture to swan... it doesn't hang on one particular answer but combines them in a bizarre way ...

Still got the funky dancing I see!

Naomi: hang on WHAT did you say?? me the best looking of the bunch..??

i cannot post photos for any 4C-able time as i'd suddenly have to self-censor and that would ruin my blog far more than the lack of an author photo

RAFFI said...

black coffee was tight (obviously off their new album), though i never knew that one song on the film 'the beach' was by them. as for laundretta and martan, that's truly stranger than fiction.

gledwood said...

stranger than fiction? they are truly BIZARRE

IVY said...

that is so mean!! i dont think you can get gonnorhea from clothes :(

IVY said...

still, i like it when you write about laudretta.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood