HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Yangyang Robo Clawed Frog African

BABY ITCHY ROBOROVSKI IS OFFENDED because I was laughing at him saying he looks like a Yorkshire Terrier puppy ... ("You look like a Porkshire Terrier! You do! You do! You little Porker, you!"/etc) Only he is just two inches long. I've never seen a Yorkshire terrier, even a puppy, that's that small..!

When I slept earlier this evening I dreamt of albino African clawed frogs of the type I altered Clip III to fit in... Man! They are greedy little gargoyles look at that swine, already bloated to near-exploding stuffing yet more nosh (live earthworm!!) into his gob!!

In the top clip "African albino clawed frog Down Under".. does anyone know what the giant viridescent iridescent fish is called... it's the biggest one in that tank..

Also that's the first time I've ever seen a fully grown clown loach (the orange one with black stripes... so called because of their love of "fooling around" e.g. lying sideways etc.

Baby Itchy dropped almost right into Yangyang's bedroom earlier. I picked him out before he could get murdered... Chinese hamster to Roborovski is pretty much the same size/shape ratio of thunderous freight train to human being... the Chinese hamster is literally three times longer though his body's not much fatter or wider and his head's pretty much the same size... bit like a nuclear mouse (elongated in an Apple Mac) or a furry footed eel...

O wow! I actually, for the first time in TEN MONTHS of life witnessed Yangyang EATING tonight! His head poking unwittingly from the sheltering toilet tube I heard and saw distinct munching... Seriously that animal has the smallest appetite of any pet I've ever had even tropical fish and I'm not kidding... he surely eats a tenth of what the Roborovskis consume.

Right I've gotta go and compose chapter one of my autobiog now so wish me luck.

Cheerio!!, till L8Rs!

New Clips III
i Albino African Clawed Frog Down Under
ii Albino African Clawed Frog Gobbles Live Earth Worm!

16 comments:

gledwood said...

NOTE TO SELF

balhamview.blogspot.com

come back here

gledwood said...

don't DO that! i thought i'd got an exciting answer there... come ON someone please talk to me... o too late i gotta go

but please SOMEONE leave a message by morning!

i need your attention i'm lonely
sort of
drifting

procrastinating
writing
my
memoirs

haha
you
see

wot's
new
?!?!?

Brother Tim said...

Gledwood--
Interesting blog you've got. I read through several postings: Good stuff! I thought I had an unusual assortment of pets. Wally da Weasel, Pushkin da Pug, Sam the Cockatiel, and Jack the Box Turtle (If you think Box Turtles don't make good pets, then you don't know Jack).:)

I'll be back.

Brother Tim said...

BTW....Thanks for coming by my place, hope to hear from you again.

Mob said...

I'm interested and amused that you seem as hung up with the comments as I am.

I always wonder what's wrong with the writing if someone doesn't comment...and you starting the ball rolling yourself is a great idea, akin to throwing a few of your own dollars into a tip jar on the old piano when playing the lounge of a hotel.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Sorry you seem to be stuck on getting going with the auto biog. If you just write it as you did for this blog, should be all you need to do, with a few more incidents and stories. Don't go counting the end result (number of words or pages) Just start and let it work out that by itself. The longest journey starts with the first step !! Best of luck.
Take care, Regards, Merle.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Hi, Gleds. Thyank you for posting the Nina Simone - that's a lovely version. Simi , who is half Yorkie, says please tell Robo there's nothing wrong with looking like one! Good luck with the autobiog.

jim dandy said...

Yo, G.
It's still morning here in States, Don't panic.
Note to self...I know the world won't end today because it's already tomorrow in Australia!

Gledwood said...

Brother Tim - what an unusual photo you have.... like a polecat... you can't keep turtles with fish, can you? not even tiny turtle to giant fish..? am i right? bc the turtle will try & eat them..??

Mob - o! i no wot u mean! i get few comments if i write something too heavy, people don't always know what to say!

Merle - I have tried it that way b4.. but must confess i've generally found it easier to divide the entire thing down into 2000 word units, break each unit or chapter into paragraphs and to write them out in a heavily structured way... that way I know what I'm meant to be doing when and can do it.. writers' block never gets a hold that way!

Gledwood said...

Welshcakes - o he looks so cute! tiny beady black eyes as well... it's all that constant washing, brings his coat down like a Porkshire terrorizer's with a parting down the middle!

Jim - "Note to self...I know the world won't end today because it's already tomorrow in Australia!"!
~ that's v well put

gledwood said...

O yeah about Nina Simone... I thought that version of For All We Know was the best... certainly the best vocal by far... only the background banging and tinkling is mixed far too far in front... i've no idea why they let it go out that way

Puss-in-Boots said...

Don't worry about the lack of comments, Gleds. We usually get around to it sooner or later...if it's me, most likely later.

Did you ever see the movie "Nemo". The main character in that, Nemo himself, is a clown fish...they are subtropical and can be found along coral reefs.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Actually, these fish are tropical...sorry, most be tired.

gledwood said...

i remember clown fish... used to have one in my local fish shop ... which specialized in marine aquaria ... he had a clown fish and sea anemone... star fishes... an evil looking thing called a snowflake eel... fancy prawns and shrimp, crab type things... those marine tanks look ultra sparse bc you can only have about a tenth of the fish per volume of water... this is to do with filtration

to be honest i'd rather have chichlids they LOOK like marine fish but are not... wonderful things

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood