HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Itchy Meets Yangyang!

BIG DADA YANGYANG cricetulus griseus Chinese hamster (click to see a picture of Yangyang's balls) and Baby Itchy phodopus roborovskii roborovski hamster finally had their formal introduction today. From separate hands. Except Baby Itchy kept leaning over to "kiss" Yangyang and eventually ended up clambering over, crawling right over Yangyang's face and poppy eyes and his back as he pulled a patient expression "Oh! The indignities of being a domesticated pet!" as Itchy took to openly sniffing his private parts... poor thing.

I was a bit reserved in my enthusiasm for all this as Yangyang is the same size and weight in proportion to Itchy as petrol tanker to human being. If he did turn to attack and Itchy didn't get away fast enough, Itchy wouldn't stand a chance. Thankfully, Yangyang is the most laid-back (for that, read: inactive) pet rodent I've ever owned though!

Oh and I am somewhat dissapointed to have to declare I shall never have hamster babies in this house. Not at the rate things are currently going. Because now Itchy's tame enough actually to stand still on an empty CD case I can depressingly confirm that SHE is a GIRL. The two "vents" as one book euphamistically put it are FAR too close together for her to be anything other than a GIRL. So she can't have been "mating" when she tried to get on Spherical's back all those times. It must just be one of those tunnel-dwelling animals' rites of introduction or passage. Or something like that ...

***

Here, by the way are my videos of the day...
Was no-one particularly impressed by Leona Lewis? I thought she was rather excellent, considering she was performing as a complete amateur in the first two of yesterday's clips and as fresh competition-winner in the third... Come on! Certainly she is a superior British version of Mariah Carey if nothing else!

- Luciano Pavarotti - Una furtiva lagrima
- Leona Lewis - Summertime
- Paul Potts - Nessun dorma


Do you think Paul Potts's version of the aria is in the same league as Pavarotti's? (I don't!)

***

Would you like to peruse a Wonderblog, full of magick of the morning dew?
Come to http://talesofinglewood.blogspot.com
It's a little like my friend Mousie's blog http://plumpiemousie.blogspot.com

Also, if you want to read Madeleine McCann's Dad's blog, click on http://www.findmadeleine.com

18 comments:

pissed off patricia said...

I just wanted to stop by and tell you that my weekend was very nice and it was so sweet of you to ask.

Sorry there won't be any little baby hampster feet on your floor but maybe that's best, what would you do with them all?

Take care of yourself and all your wonderful fur friends. :)

claire said...

Goddamn what happened to your blog???, havent been here for a while... Sorry, promissed to keep in touch, and forget. Travelling keeps your mind from home.... How you´v been?
I am writing now a days more in dutch, sorry, but my plan is; going home in january and leave for tibet in febrauary.
Do you still go to the psych?
Hope your doing well, warm greetings from Central America!

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds,Know little baby Hamsters running around yet.
I agree Nobody will ever match the great Pavarotti's Voice he was a joy to listen too.And I dont normally like opera

RAFFI said...

i have larger balls. pavarotti's clip was fantastico.

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Sorry no babies on the horizon for your pets. I liked Leona Lewis especially "I will Always Love You" although I like Whitney too.
Pavarotti was a special person with
a wonderful voice, although I am not
an opera fan. Thanks for your comments. I smiled at the Pots garden (not Pot) and the name nutnut should be worth a post or two. You decide
what you want to do with the videos.
Take care, Kind regards, Merle.

gledwood said...

Pee'd off Patricia: you are quite right... i was already seeking out adoptive homes for all the little beasts... only thing that begs the question was how on EARTH did the breeder sex these wriggly jumping gremlins? almost impossible to hold still. itchy jumped off my arm twice in five minutes yesterday as he was bored of "nowhere to go"...

Claire: what happened to my blog? You mean the video screens? Yes I started posting up videos of the day...

i'm not going regularly to the psych...

but you're going to TIBET !!?!? wow! I've always wanted to go there and to Burma/Myanmar. Woo

gledwood said...

Jeanette: I'm not sure I normally like opera either... only when the absolute creme de la creme come on otherwise it can get pretty tiresome...

Raffi: ah, but in proportion?

Merle: how dreadful i know no free hamsters!! what would i do with them there would be utter chaos if they stayed in the same enclosure... the world is a poorer place without pav' though we do have andrea botchelli/however it is spelled i thought that he was all right

whitenoise said...

Hey Gled. Loved that Paul Potts clip. To hear such tremendous talent come out of such a humble, unassuming man was wonderful.

jim dandy said...

Hi, after enjoying your video from Mika, I ordered the CD It's quite nice. The last time I bought a pop music CD was about a year ago after hearing Franz Ferdinand on BBC Radio One. I'm not often an impulse buyer...(ok, I am terrible!) But I am enjoying this. Thanx.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Maybe Paul Potts isn't Pavarotti (after all, who is...except Pavarotti himself), but for such an unassuming little guy, ill fitting suit and all...what a voice! I thought he did an wonderful job and he certainly made Simon Cowell sit up and take notice...lol!

So...you're not going to be a daddy to some baby hamsters (seriously, I'm rather glad to hear that...smirk). Anyway if they're like mice and there are too many of them in a small space, cannabilism is the word of the day. Eeewww!

gledwood said...

Whitenoise: I know and the look on the judges' faces!!

Jim: did you get the CD yet? is it any good??

PussInBoots: yeah you are quite right, Andrea Botchelli isn't Pav either... I always thought Pav had the best voice bc the low notes are as good as the high ones and the high ones are all silvery-radiant and fantastic

sadgirl said...

Hi Gleds just checking in? How are you? I think you said you felt depressed? Any better hope so. I am not doing too bad. Spending more time crocheting than on line.

All the best to you matey

cheerio
sad xxx

Evil Spock said...

Dont' hamsters eat their young in an enclosed space? Evil Spock doesn't think Evil Spock can take the infanticide . . .

70% Average American

You are average because you drink on occasion.

You are not average since you do make New Year's resolutions.

gledwood said...

No I'm not that depressed and HOPE not to stay that way just been SLEEPING excessively!

Thanxx for saying hi, hope you're FEELING BETTER? Yeah?!?

Take it easy!

Gleds
xx

Audrey said...

The upside of the prolific hamster baby machines was watching them grow, however given sexing them is so difficult it can be a bit concerning.. breathe a sigh of relief Gleds. My hamster also suffered wet tail at one point..gosh they become like your babies..the worry that they are ok..lol

I prefer Pavaroti but thought Paul Potts was excellent and the expressions on the judges faces, the response of the audience was something else.

Hope your tums better :)

Gledwood said...

MOSTLY better thanks I still had an attack of the grips this morning!

WET TAIL!? Can dwarf hamsters get that? O no! That is the utter BANE of normal hamsters' lives... I know it can kill them v easily... I hope Roborovskis cannot get it it's a horrible disease.

How did you treat it? With antibiotics in the water?

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood