HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, July 13, 2007

Friday 13th: Evil Among US

IF ONLY I'D BEEN AWARE OF TODAY'S DATE earlier, things may have made more sense.

My landlord went ape and said he is chucking everyone out because our house is in chaos. Now he seems to have recinded (if that's the word..?) I think I have some leeway. Maybe a couple of days' grace. He told me to inform the council he's emptying this current house of everyone and we must all find somewhere new to stay via the council. The council knew nothing about this. So I'm none the wiser. I've started packing up my stuff to leave and if I do have to go, will go back out where I used to be. (Possibly the very same old building.) But we'll see what comes out of this weekend ...

That's all I can say about it really. No more details ...

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Can he do that? Overhere you have a VERY strong position as a renter, they can't just kick you out like that. You should inform yourself of this maybe.

What's this place where you might have to go to like then?

Sheesh, I can hardly believe this...

Audrey said...

Gledwood doesnt he by law have to serve you notice to quit, at the very least a months notice. You have rights too remember. His behaviour is truly shocking and may just be fuelled by his anger but that is no excuse for his arrogance. GRRRHH!!!!

The Discovering Alcoholic said...

I hear they got some rooms with a view at Wat Thamkrabok! Just joking (sort-of), but I do wish you the best of luck in keeping your residence.

Oceanshaman said...

Gled . . .

Whatever you do, don't use over it . . .

Namaste . . .

Stu said...

Hey Gledwood,

Thanks for adding my blog to your link list - I've done the same for you.

Hope your living arrangements get sorted out - it's never fun not knowing where you're going to be staying from one day to the next.

I'm generally not superstitious, but I couldn't help being mindful of something strange happening yesterday because of the date - probably because it wasn't "just another day" for me anyway. It was my last day of work in one of my jobs, and I did have a bit of a last minute panic about something I'd forgotten to sort out, but other than that everything went smoothly. Phew!

robkroese said...

I was going to say basically what Vincent said. I used to be a landlord in the U.S., and let me tell you it's a pain in the ass to actually evict someone. We couldn't do anything until at least 30 days until after we had given written notice, and then I think we had to get a court to order payment.

Anonymous said...

@Diesel, yeah, it's that x10 here to get someone out. You have to have really big problems with people and the police has to be involved in about 3 occasions (serious complaints). A friend of mine is a landlord. His daughter once came over while she was pregnant and the renter of the top floor attacked her. That same guy also treated his dog VERY bad. He still can't get him out...

Lee said...

By law here in this country, a landlord can't do that...the landlord has to give the tenant fair notice...usually four weeks. I would look into it if I were you gledwood. I hope everything works out well for you.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Sounds like your landlord may be breaking the law, Gleds. He just can't chuck you out like that for now reason. Is the guy sane?

Do you have a Legal Aid service you can contact to see where you stand in all this and what your rights are?

Fingers crossed for you, Gleds. Hope it all works out well.

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I think everyone else has already said it. Get some advice. Hope everything works out well for you.

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds. thanks for adding me to your links. I was going to say same as others I think you have to have a months notice get some good advice.

Anonymous said...

thanks everyone
technically i'm not a "tenant" but a "licencee" on a 24-hour rolling licence.
this is bc i don't rent a flat but am in bed&breakfast accommodation
technically i think they can get rid of anyone overnight; it's just that normally they don't
the guy i normally refer to as my "landlord" DrEvilstein is actually "property manager";
the "boss", DrBetterstein isn't quite so evil and is more amenable to reason (not to mention more intelligent).
i'm afraid i got so wasted yesterday i cannot actually remember what anyone said to me except that i'm meant to be chucked out on monday(?) i'm confused.
if i do have to go i'll just go back to where i was before which is a giant empty building about 1000 square foot (ie half as big as paris hilton's apartment)... if i can still get in there
the only thing was it got really expensive on candles i was spending about £1 a day just on lightting. also it is freezing cold. so cold that even in may my bedside drink was ice-cold - as if it'd just come out of the fridge - 1st thing in the morning.
the place is running alive with rats but i don't mind that as much as i mind matran and laundretta
if i can't get in there i know of a couple of other empty places i can live
think about it, my ancestors colonized europe during an ice age, fighting giant mammoths etc to crawl across the alps with nothing to clothe them but old animal skins
if they can do that then i can survive 21st century london on my own!!

rowan said...

What is happening on this now?

rowan said...

are you homeless now???

rowan said...

how are you getting internet? sorry so many questions/

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood