8am Underwear Chaos

I GOT FRANTIC KNOCKING ON MY DOOR AT 7:30 a.m. from Laundretta. Hid robos and opened up only to find her and Matran drest in nothing but underwear... I don't know what they had been doing but they had managed to get locked outside their high security room in this state (why can't my room have such a secure lock?) with seemingly no possibility of getting back in.

Having seen their near-naked bodies I have to say Laundretta is pretty stacked and I can see what her clients book her for. I will give her 8 out of 10. Matran is the same shape as a deflating hot air baloon as he took to tucking into chicken nuggets and other vulgar food when he last gave up crack. I will give him 2.5 out of 10.

Anyway I had a big bag full of clean washing but didn't want pubic lice, gonorrhoea, etc getting into it and so didn't make the offer... they didn't want me hanging outside but kept asking stupid questions like what was the time (I don't know as my mobile phone screen has gone and that was my only timepiece)... eventually Radio 4's thought for the day came on (meaning it was 10 to 8) so I told them this... then the weather, then the news... they needed to know the time so that I could go out find Evilstein and their spare key (o what a scene THAT would have made!)

Laundretta asked for something sharp/etc... I gave her my tomato knife. It was unfortunately covered in dry baked bean juice which she grimaced at as if it was crudsome diarrhoea. Then I found them a pair of scissors. This they used to chizel away the wood on the corner of their Yale-style lock.

Then more banging. Did I have a plastic card. No! I said pointedly as I never keep such valuables in here. (Glad I got that one in...) Eventually I did find an old Oyster card which is something you keep in a wallet or even a pocked and can touch through fabric onto a reader on buses or tube clappergates to get prepaid discount transport throughout London. This was luxuriously bendy and ten minutes later they got in and paid me a bit of crack for my troubles.

Technically I had given up crack but had already squared it with self that if I FOUND any (or someone gave it to me) that was different. I'm still not wasting my money on such rubbish.

Now they have both started speaking to me again. Well I suppose because they had to.

And I psychologically have promised not to laugh at what happened.

Ha-haargh!!

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ALL SAINTS VIDEOS OF THE DAY:
1. Black Coffee (their best song)
2. Pure Shores (music from The Beach)
3. Never Ever (="Amazing Grace"... but 9/10 people don't seem to realize that)

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ISN'T THE MUSIC BIZ A CRUEL MISTRESS?

Hear this from the Wikipedia's Shaznay Lewis (All Saints') article and bear in mind that with the eclipse of the Spice Girls in the late 90s they were the top-selling girlgroup (and always the coolest) of that decade...

On August 21, 2004 Shaznay married dancer Christian "Storm" Horsfall. Shaznay had her first child, a son named Tyler Xane, in February 2006.

On January 24, 2006 it was announced that All Saints have reformed with a new record contract and will release a new album, Studio 1 on November 13th 2006.[3] She performed with All Saints on live television for the first time since reforming on the UK light entertainment program, Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway on October 21st 2006. All Saints started their comeback off with a bang as their single Rock Steady went to ~3 in the UK. They quickly followed with their comeback album Studio 1 and things went downhill, the album flopped at a peak of ~40 in the UK and not charting in many other countries. Polydor then decided to take one last chance with All Saints and let them release their second single Chick Fit.The single failed to make the slightest impact not even hitting the top 200. All Saints were then dropped by record label Parlophone. The group say they will remain together and search for a new record company.