Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog)

HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Baby Itchy Frantic Nonday Sunday Posting L8R...

WHAT ARE SUNDAYS FOR? Mine always seem to go past in a haze or lumpen plodding of useless disrespectability... somehow...

Baby Itchy, the Porkshire Terrier lookylikey was due to pay Mother Hubbard a visit... but he scrabbled so desperately against his carry container and ran so eagerly for the light each time I looked in on him that I eventually relented and left him at home with the other two. (If he IS a him... I'm now starting to question even THAT!)

So I went to Mother Hubbs alone. She was claiming not to have "used"... which I somehow found easy to doubt... why do people lie to me?

THERE IS A DRUGS DROUGHT ON! Heroin is scarce... but I'll tell you what's really hard to find and Mother Hubbard knows this from her grandsons and I know it from Valium Marilyn's son... that evil green herb, the Devil's own grass.. CANNABIS! Ukkie stuff - I'm glad.

Well this was just a short post to say I have actually got out of the house today... even though I did stay under covers till 3pm...

There is another post due later... so do pop back. I have scribbled it out already in my maroon booklet so it shall be here within 2 hours I promise... consciousness permitting.. no don't say that....

wahey!... ho-hum...

thanks for the bookwriting advice and comments, folks... THAT is what that other post's ABOUT...


Tunes of the Day:
~ Randy Crawford - One Day I'll Fly Away
~ Bob Marley - Sun Is Shining
~ Sinead O'Connor - Troy
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5 comments:

RUTH said...

Hi Gleds; great vids. Have to say I was so surprised to read your comment about being from Turnip Head stock....Manda and I have always had this imaginary view of you as being from a long line of aristocracy and EVER SO POSH!!! but you went sort of wayward and turned your back on it all. I guess we both read too much Mills and Boon in our youth...LOL
Rx

2 September 2007 at 19:31
RUTH said...

P.S. we also have this imaginary view of what you look like!

2 September 2007 at 19:32
Anonymous said...

me being posh.. well i have been mistaken for posh MORE THAN ONCE but i am NOT

... HOW DID YOU GUESS THAT? DO I SPEAK THAT UPPERCLASS... ?


BUT: i use my fork like a shovel for one thing (stead of turning it upside down)

i saw myself on stepbrother's wedding vid and have to say i did look like a genuine toff there

but genetically unless there's something I don't know i am totally normal .. except aparently my real surname comes from norman french which would suggest i have "noble" ancestory

maybe

2 September 2007 at 19:47
TomCat said...

Hi Gledwood. First, thanks for your visit and comment at Politics Plus.

I like your music and particularly enjoyed the Marley tune.

On your quiz...
***You Are: 0% Dog, 100% Cat***


You are are almost exactly like a cat.
You're intelligent, independent, and set on getting your way.
And there's no way you're going to fetch a paper for anyone!

Fortunately, that one was easy to predict in order to get the only right answer for me. ;-)

Have a great day.

3 September 2007 at 00:26
Anonymous said...

wow 100 % CAT ... well a TOMCAT WOULD BE I SPOSE!!

TAKE IT .E.Z....

GLEDS

3 September 2007 at 13:09

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood