HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

News on Sunday

I WAS GOING to do a big review of the papers but frankly there's so little news except for the Portuguese keystone cops having bungled the investigation over missing (now presumed dead) British 4-year old Madeleine McCann so totally they've taken the line of last resistance and actually accused the parents of allegedly having drugged the kid with sedatives (because the child had troubles sleeping) and somehow accidentally overdosed her. (How very implausible: who gives a 4 year old sleeping pills?) And somehow this drug overdose left blood specks in the McCanns' hire car 25 days later....

In other words they hid the body, alerted the world's media, returned to Portugual over three weeks later in the full glare of all this to collect the child's body from whatever hiding place and transfer it somewhere else... I mean what planet are these guys living on?

The second story, from the News of the World is so misogynistic I honestly couldn't believe I was reading it in 2007. Click here for a gander.

Thirdly - wasp flavoured crisps are a big hit in Japan these days. Each packet contains a guaranteed minimum of four of the fried insects. Yum-yum.

And how was YOUR day??

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Videos:
Mika: You are Beautiful
Nick Cave/Kylie: Where the Wild Roses Grow


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As you may have noticed my poll has been updated... if you voted before, please vote again. There are now four questions covering each conceivable eventuality... Many thanks...

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Ivy asked me about the top news story: the disappearance of Madeleine McCann.

Here is my answer:

you mean the little kid? her family were on holiday in portugual, they had 3 children, madeleine age 4 and twins aged 2. they went out to a tapas bar about 8.30 one night, this was 75 YARDS from their apartment... left the children sleeping... when they returned the twins were sleeping sound but Madeleine WAS NOT THERE... massive international publicity, even the Pope got involved... you may have seen little posters or pictures on people's blogs about it... her photo is everywhere... also she has a distinctive eye, one of the pupils appears to be teardrop shaped... anyway the portuguese police were crap and gave whoever DID do it DAYS to get away before the investigation kicked in... that part of portugual is really near the spanish border and it would have been dead easy to take the little girl from their either to Morocco by ferry (from Algeceiras) or to drive up into france and to who knows where... the evidence against the parents is basically NONEXISTENT but the police are embarrassed at being held up to the standards of the civilized world and they can't take the pressure. that's how I see it anyhow....


You can read today's News of the World on Madeleine by clicking here

17 comments:

rowan said...

curious about the first story..want to know more

Anonymous said...

you mean the little kid? her family were on holiday in portugual, they had 3 children, madeleine age 4 and twins aged 2. they went out to a tapas bar about 8.30 one night, this was 75 YARDS from their apartment... left the children sleeping... when they returned the twins were sleeping sound but Madeleine WAS NOT THERE... massive international publicity, even the Pope got involved... you may have seen little posters or pictures on people's blogs about it... her photo is everywhere... also she has a distinctive eye, one of the pupils appears to be teardrop shaped... anyway the portuguese police were crap and gave whoever DID do it DAYS to get away before the investigation kicked in... that part of portugual is really near the spanish border and it would have been dead easy to take the little girl from their either to Morocco by ferry (from Algeceiras) or to drive up into france and to who knows where... the evidence against the parents is basically NONEXISTENT but the police are embarrassed at being held up to the standards of the civilized world and they can't take the pressure. that's how I see it anyhow....

Hootin Anni said...

Hi!
To answer your question about guitars......I would say INDEED get one at that price. Here in America they run about $125 and up. So, I would definitely buy one...they're easy to learn to play. As to how to pick a good one...all I can say is hold one [many that is] in your arms as if you're playing it, and strum the keys...you'll see the sound and style you like best.

Thanks for the visit. Glad you liked my profile. *giggles*

Gledwood said...

ok.... i thought that sounded quite cheap... also they're in funky colours like pink or black with blue clouds on etc etc... which makes me half suspicious they're not that good but also think they look brilliant!
as you say i'm just going to have to pick one up and listen!!

CG said...

I'm only 70% American...i can't believe the MCCanns killed Maddie either!

Puss-in-Boots said...

My Sunday was good, thanks, but without the wasp flavoured whatevers, please.

Yep that Madeleine McCann investigation was/is a total farce by the police...so now it's the parents. Putting those poor people through hell just to cover their own mistakes...typical!

Unknown said...

I think that whole Madeleine thing is sad, depressing and generally pathetic all around.

Wayward Son said...

Hi Gleds, Sorry i haven't been around awhile. I have been involved in my class. How people go to school full time and work and recover is beyond me. Things are going quite well for me anyway.

The Abraham-Hicks organization has PLENTY of less expensive self help books but that's not so important. i like what I can cull for free on youtube and their web site. the really interesting books to read are the ones by Jane Roberts who they credit with sparking their interest and association with the whole speaking through a medium thing. It could all be a scam but a harmless one if people do not invest too heavily in thier stuff. It also can be very enlightening and all of it is interesting.

I don't know if you have seen this but i thought you would like it. It's a Novelty AND a music video clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o

I will read on to see how you have been doing.

Best,

WS

Wayward Son said...

... the Madeline story is so sad. Any way one looks at it no matter who may be at fault. I don't think that the fickle press brings any thing good to the situation.

Wayward Son said...

Good Lord. An average American. One should not even joke about such things! LOL

Anonymous said...

CG: here here! Hey I thought you were American.. then I thought you were British (bc of your profile... where did the American idea come from?? I only picked it up by your seeming body language on your portrait shots...

PiB: yes I totally agree... AND I talk as one who DID suspect the McCanns briefly... I don't see any even halfbaked evidence against them

DorkyDad: I agree wholeheartedly

Anonymous said...

Wayward: I didn't realize where those antidepression things come from... but they ring bells with thigns I learnt...

Re Madeleine, the press were supposed to be helping... the British press are 90% IF NOT MORE on the McCann's side.. .which is unusual.. obviuosly they heare things they cannot for legal reasons repeat... you can get a fairly good grasp of how things are going and what you might think if you WERE fully informed by reading between their lines and I've seen nothing that even briefly makes me seriously think they might have done anything untoward...

I will see that youtube thing in a sec... hang on...!

Anonymous said...

... hey I'm 80% average bc I live nr McDonalds (2 mins away actually!) but NOT aparently... because (??) I would not pay (??) to go up in space (??)

how odd!

Kahshe Cottager said...

Finally I am home and back visiting in Blogland. It took me a while to catch up ~ you have been busy!!

We are just getting all the newscasts on the McCann family here now. It does seem very odd as it is being reported. How awful for the parents/family to be put through this.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kahshe
Glad you had a good time...
re the McCanns how RIDICULOUS I know

Audrey said...

Sadly what Gerry Mcann didnt want with all the media attention, was to turn it into the Kate and Gerry show and thats what appears to be happening now, the focus moving away from finding her..I was shocked by the figures on child abduction..its just too sad.

I cant begin to imagine what it was like for them to leave Portugal under such circumstances and without their daughter.

Gledwood said...

yes I know that is ridiculous... i bet the portuguese police WILL charge them; if they do it just shows so obviously how they have FAILED to do their job and are reduced to casting aspertions at the innocent...

i read one stupid comment re the McCann's "I'd have been bawling my eyes out if it had happened to MY little girl"

well they don't have to do that in public, DUH!

I bet that comment came from an American... have you noticed how American films assume in emergencies people will SCREAM when they don't and that people upset will always WEEP when actually they don't, not in the way it's so often portrayed in the movies

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

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