HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Chinese Fun for Everyone ..!

ALTAVISTA'S BABELFISH PROGRAM is a classic. How can I possibly put into words the entertainment it has given me today. (English words, at least ...)

Here as testimony to the undying poetry inherent in computer translations between Chinese (traditional) and American English are some renditions from the World Canon of Great Literature:--

ALL UNHAPPY FAMILIES resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Everything was upset in the Oblonskys' house. The wife had discovered an intrigue between her husband and their former French governess, and declared that she would not continue to live under the same roof as him.

所有怏怏不樂的家庭互相類似, 但各個怏怏不樂的家庭是怏怏不樂的用它自己的方式。一切被弄翻了在Oblonskys 的房子裡。妻子發現了陰謀在她的丈夫和他們的前法國家庭女教師之間, 和宣稱, 她不會繼續居住在屋頂下和他一樣。

All unhappy families mutually similar, but each unhappy family is unhappy uses it way. All were overturned in the Oblonskys house. The wife had discovered the plot in between hers husband and their former French family female teacher, with declared, she cannot continue to live and he is same under the roof.

From Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstoy, Maude translation).

My favourite modern poet is Sylvia Plath. Here's what Babelfish makes of Winter Trees. I give the original first.

The wet dawn inks are doing their blue dissolve.
On their blotter of fog the trees
Seem a botanical drawing —
Memories growing, ring on ring,
A series of weddings.

濕黎明墨水做□他們的藍色溶化。在霧他們的吸墨紙樹似乎一張植物圖畫- 記憶生長, 圓環在圓環, 一系列的婚禮。

The wet daybreak ink makes □their blue color dissolve. A their blotting paper tree plant drawing - memory grows as if in the fog, ring in ring, a series of wedding ceremonies.

That's pretty good, actually ...

Last but by no means least, here's an all-time cracker:--
Translation 1st this time, for full-on entertainment ...

Yes, or is not: That is the question:
Whether ' tis nobly does suffer
the crude fortune suspension cable
and the arrow in the brains,
or adopts the arm opposition trouble sea,
with finishes them by the opposition?

I honestly did not tinker or adapt the above in any way, that is what Babelfish made of Shakespeare. Only the new line layout is mine.

Oh what the hell. Here's the entire Shakespeare passage: been put thru Babelfish & doubleback again...

Yes, or is not: That is the question:
Whether ' tis nobly does suffer the crude fortune
suspension cable and the arrow in the brains,
or adopts the arm opposition trouble sea,
with finishes them by the opposition?
Death: Sleeps; Does not have;
And by the sleep said we end the heartache
and 1,000 natural vibrations, the flesh and blood
are the heir to, '
tis completes reverently is wish'd.
The death, sleeps; Sleeps:
Accidentally to vainly hoped for that,
Ay, has the friction;
Perhaps for is dying that sleep any dream
to come when we towed this to curl at the point of death,
had to give us to pause:
Has makes the disaster that longevity the respect;
Can bear the whip for who and despise the time,
oppressor's mistake, arrogant person's railing,
the love which despises, the legal detention,
the office arrogant severe pain and abandons
is unworthy achievement that patient merit,
when he perhaps his quietus does with bare bodkin?
Who meets the fardels burden,
dies loo the sound and sweats in the weary life,
but under that something dreading after death,
the undiscover'd country
does not have the traveller from bourn to come back,
the puzzled wish and causes us rather to bear
these is ill we to have the ratio to fly
to other person of us knew is not?
Thus the conscience is the coward we completely;
And resolution local color thus
is sicklied o'er and the idea pale cast,
and the great marrow enterprise and the moment
result in the deviation by theirs
tidal current rotation this respect, with loss motion name. -
Is soft now you! Fair 奧菲 Li Asia!
If the insect, possesses my sin remember'd in thy orisons.

So there!!

是, 或不是: 那是問題: 是否' tis 高尚在頭腦裡遭受粗暴的時運吊索和箭頭, 或採取胳膊反對麻煩海, 和由反對結束他們?

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?

What more can I say?

10 comments:

gledwood said...

I had to put this translation back here. This is what I wrote to my Chilean correspondent:

Hi I am using babelfish to put this to you in Spanish. Thanks much for its commentary. Master obtaining in tact internationally. When I at random press that following button of blog and something comes for above in Spanish, Chinese Portuguese or (those are to a great extent the more popular foreign languages of blogosphere) and I are in right humor, I say hello. But for above until this moment I have had always ashamedly to do it in English. Now it barks "I speak" those languages same! I know that the translations are wonky because I put Shakespeare inside and outside Chinese and I fixed the results for above to blog of today! Easy Tómelo, Gleds

... it barks..!!..

RUTH said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has fun doing this; you know I have those little flags on my blog that change the language well I'm always doing it....arabic is a cool one because it all goes backwards...... I don't think Babel Fish does arabic though
Woof woof

Evil Spock said...

We call it "Engrish". Check out http://www.engrish.com/

Funny stuff!

Dan said...

I'm speechless. Actually not quite. I guess I can say 在霧他們的吸墨紙樹似乎

daubmir said...

Now now, here's my small contribution: hope you have the right font setting to read it....

שמע ישראל י-ה-ו-ה אלהינו י-ה-ו-ה אחד

Ciao gled-d-d-d

~K

Women on the Verge said...

Ok... where do I get the babel fish??????????


E

gledwood said...

Type "translation" into Google. If it's not #1 it's #2 from the top.

chipper said...

Tjhat Shakespeare is hilarious! I use Babelfish all the time to translate technical German into English; I have to admit, I can often guess better than it can translate ...

I guess that language is something that simply can't easily be automated.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood