Gledwood Vol 2 (Main blog): Pete Doherty Eejut

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe) mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Pete Doherty Eejut

PETE DOHERTY is on film being an eejut again. You'd think that after his girlf, Kate Moss got into such trouble snorting a white powder that the police couldn't prove was cocaine, he'd be a little more careful of camera-phones. The clip comes to us courtesy of who else but the lovely Sun newspaper. I nicked the link from Raymi's blog (listed).

Pete Doherty: when will his troubles end? This is a guy who has been arrested for class A drug possession more times than I've cooked my own dinner in the last year. His trouble is, not only is he notorious (I was going to say famous, but that isn't actually the right word), but he's cursed with a funny face that he only accentuates by wearing his own brand of fashionable hats. I put it like that because I don't think he's fashionable. I just think he's a div.

A couple of days after his and Kate's "ceremony" on a Thai beach, he crawled back to Bangcock and a backpackers' hostel where he was filmed seemingly injecting a substance in his arm. This is another reason why I hate the guy. The other people in the room are obviously not junkies, yet he feels the need to make a gross display of his injecting habit.

Yes, I've done precisely the same thing a zillion-&-one times. But at least in a similar situation I'd have the good manners to do it in the bathroom.

I'm sorry Pete. But if you go about acting like such a twat, you deserve all you get.

If you want to see the clip go to the top right: "video (s) of the week" ...

6 comments:

Deb said...: some people never learn, do they?; 1 February 2007 at 23:47
Anonymous said...: Aye, you're not wrong there, lass!; 1 February 2007 at 23:52
junky said...: If it was you or me we would be in the cafeteria of a maximum security prison selling smokes by now.

truly bad form, I've had the same thing happen to me, please have the common decency to go to the bathroom.
twat.; 2 February 2007 at 00:05
Anonymous said...: Talk about playing with fire!; 2 February 2007 at 13:15
Anonymous said...: Pete Docherty who?; 4 February 2007 at 14:59
Gledwood said...: Pete Doherty?? You never heard of PETE DOHERTY?? He's the tabloids' love-2-hate favourite!!He's a heroin/crack junkie! & He's MARRYING KATE MOSS!!! wooo!!

Do drop by my horrorscope competition. A horrible prize must be won tonight!!!; 7 February 2007 at 19:28

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Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!