HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Whose Horror-Scope??

FOUND SOME WORLDLY WISDOM ON MY DAILY TRAWLS. THIS IS FROM TODAY'S HORRORSCOPE.

A MYSTERY FREE GIFT is on offer (+ shipping and handling) to THE FIRST PERSON WHO CAN TELL ME TO WHAT STAR-SIGN THE FOLLOWING ADVICE RELATES ...

Before I give the quote, let me explain. A favourite wind-up on my female friends (they're the only ones who wanted their "stars" read out) was, on being asked for this service ... to read out a random wrong sign and look on amusedly as they clucked and cooed over such spot-on celestial advice...

The following is taken verbatim from one star sign from one source. Not a word has been added or left out. If you can accurately guess to which sign this advice relates, a wonderful free gift could be yours ...

So get guessing:-------

WHAT STAR-SIGN IS THIS FOR??

A long drawn-out argument is on offer if you want it. When it becomes obvious someone has missed a point, you can chose to explain in detail why this is so. Alternatively, you can choose to let them believe they know more about something than you and enjoy a peaceful evening otherwise. One option invites stress. The other doesn't. The choice is yours.


(Cross my Heart: this is verbatim ...)

Answers in the Commentary Box, please ...

ps in the event of two correct answers being received, a tie-breaker question shall be imposed to tell me the funniest joke... (or something like that) ...

60 comments:

Dino aka Katy said...

i would not bother explaining and just live in peace. thanks for stopping by my blog

Dan said...

OH! OH! OH!

I know this! It's ... er ... it's the horoscope of your Chinese hamster!

Right? Right? Am I right?

By the way, does your Chinese hamster speak Madarin or something other local dialect?

Thanks for visiting my blog and for blog rolling me. I'll reciprocate because you're funny.

gledwood said...

I think the hammy speaks the mysterious 2-tone Shanghai patois ...

Thanks for the visitations

Gledwood

gledwood said...

But NO no-one's RIGHT. And I have a mysterious gift GOING OFF here, just waiting for the Correct Comment ...

Joke: it is a nonperishable WONDERFUL gift...

RUTH said...

Well I know the answer but choose to let you believe you know more than me as I want a peaceful evening.....so won't tell you
Rx (I'm Aries BTW)

Robyne said...

Gledwood you are incorrigible!!~ How could you read out the wrong horoscopes?? So mean... but funny!
By the way check out my blog because it has a link to the absurd petition that blair is sneaking through.

BTW dont try to trick me coz I am a picky picky Virgo!

R2K said...

Hey just visiting... the icon I have now I actually got the way you did: a person had it online and I liked it. So I dled it and now it is mine! You may feel free to dl it from me next.

Gledwood said...

r2k I don't quite get what you mean dl'd it? d1'd it? died it? wot??

Sarah said...

ok are we guessing a celebrity? or just what astrological sign the horror-scope(ha!) goes to?

I'm thinking this belongs to either a virgo or a scorpio, or a leo?

ok that was more than one guess wasn't it... hmmm....I'm going with scorpio, we know we are right..we like to argue the finer points, but we can also sit back and watch amusedly while you think YOU are right?

Am I right?

Gledwood said...

All shall be revealed once I've had at least one guess per star sign!!!

Or once I get bored if that never happens (I have this feeling....)

Sarah said...

*pout* but I've got no patience! I've just got to know!! LOL

Gledwood said...

You can LOL all you like and even if you do 11 consecutive comments giving each one ... well ppl will just think I'm dead popular!!! Actually that was my cunning plan I knew I could get 12 comments out of this one at least. I didn't actually but hey aren't I clever without trying../????//////

Wayward Son said...

Sounds like a Gemini to me. I have friends in starry places who at least would guess from an educated perspective. But I shan't bother them with this bid for a prize.I'd have to share it, quid pro quo, don't you know.

Yes, I am going to say it is for Gemini, the sun sign of choices.

Wayward Son said...

... and i did not even google for the answer!

Gledwood said...

No yer all wrong!!

Sandy said...

I really have no idea but I'll guess Sagitarrius.

Sarah said...

alright, I know what it is! but I'll let others guess first!

(and yeah, you're pretty sneaky with luring us here for extra comments!:)

*why didn't I think of doing that??*

Gledwood said...

Okay Sarah do I have to send you a free gift ... let me get hunting ... oh yeah you have to pay shipping and handling nurnur-nur- nurnur!!

OKAY KEEP GUESSING FOLKS COMPETITION'S RARINGLY ONGOING!!

And you CAN guess the same sign as someone else. Remember the tiebreaker rule??

COME ON COME ON ROLE UP ROLL UP (my spellings!)... come ON!

Katarina Ducrozet said...

u invited me to read this entry,
i started to then i trailed off and started to day dream about eating steak and cuddeling in my bed and playing videogames and why it's so hard to find oxycodone and how fucking hard they ride me at work and how tired i am and how i should ask for a raise and go and have a fag outside before i have a psychotic breakdancing [sic] period again.

i have no clue what your blof entry was about. sorry. i'm sure it was really good and i'll try to read it again later. ok my dear.
when my head is more clear.

Elsie said...

It must be Scorpio!!!! Long drawn out arguments have become part of my life lately and I am getting good in giving in and making the other person/party believe they are right just to get some peace and quiet and time to read your blog, scorpio it is!!!!

Lcxxx

gledwood said...

I still don't think anyone's guessed the right answer ... this is weird ...

Ron Knee's Rants and Raves said...

Well thats fucked my week up for a start. I was going to drive down to London on thursday and stick a lighted crowscarer up Tony Blair's arse but that has made me think twice. Shiiiit.......

Sarah said...

Ok.. my last guess... it's Aquarius!!

Little Lamb said...

I have no idea whatsoever.

Sandy said...

Pisces?

Sandy said...

Aries.

Deb said...

libra (me)

Sandy said...

Leo, dammit!


**What the hell am I doing??**

LMAO!

Little Lamb said...

Libra?

/t. said...

Sagataurus?

Botulinum Toxin?

what was the question?

/t.

Gledwood said...

Hahahaarrggghh! Or am I meant to say 'LOL'?

Gledwood said...

C'mon, kids, keep guessin'...

Sarah said...

Taurus... the bull headed!!

Gledwood said...

Carry on ...

Gledwood said...

Remember there's a joke tie-breaker as well. (Assuming 2 people ever DO settle on the correct answer!!.)

Gledwood said...

Sarah you still haven't alighted upon the right one...

Sarah said...

Damnit! I am ashamed to be a Pagan! Haven't they all been covered yet?

Sarah said...

Cancer!

Sandy said...

Capricorn!

Sandy said...

Virgo!

Sandy said...

Taurus!

Last one...they've all been covered.

Are you pulling our legs??

Nicole said...

I missed the competition because the computer was off yesterday evening!

My answer is Scorpio... this is a tough contest because it could be written for any sign. In fact, it could be written for anyone, any situation, any given day.

And about the books on my shelf, yes I do have the Warhol Diaries and found them very entertaining indeed. One of my favourites used to be Andy Warhol's "From A to B And Back Again", I read it so many times when I was about 15 or so that I probably remembered half the book.

The Diaries are very amusing because there are so many people involved that one knows of and it's fun to read about their antics.

I also like Umberto Eco and Hermann Hesse and Charles Bukowski a lot. And I've read all the James Bond novels by Ian Fleming, very good and so unlike the silly movies.

Manic said...

Is it a Lion?

Umm joke, right, umm... Ahh!

There's this Scottish bloke and this English bloke. They are watching England-Spain on tele. Says the Scottish one against the English one: English men are all gay. Replies the English one: Well atleast our thing doesn't freeze of in winter.

Right, it's not funny, I know, but I was close, if you consider Tokio close to Britain.

Eowyn said...

Cancer.

No one has guessed Capricorn, but I really don't think it's Capricorn, because that's me and the description is very not me.

So, Cancer. That's my guess, O Clever One.

Women on the Verge said...

I'm guessing Virgo... not only because I share that sign with our host ... Hi Gledwood!... but because we are a group tending toward arrogance... note the wording "we may choose to argue"...

By the way, I'm a size 2 with auburn hair... no jewels though... I'd prefer a nice heavy sweater ;-)

Deb said...

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE...
A gorgeous young redhead went into her doctor's office and reported that her body hurt where ever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor, "show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed, even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?". "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," said the doctor..."your finger is broken."

grumpygit said...

"A long drawn-out argument is on offer if you want it..."

Must be MY star sign - Grumpiarius

Gledwood said...

Debs that did actually make me "LOL". Which takes quite a lot these days!

RUTH said...

There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman.

They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope
would break and they would all die.

No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching
speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men.

Then all the men clapped !!!

RUTH said...

A woman went to the pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage, £5.00. "Why so little?" she asked the shopkeeper.
The parrot used to live in a brothel and when they got arrested, the police brought me the bird."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, "that's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters came home from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores." The girls and the woman were
a bit offended, but then began to laugh at the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."

Gledwood said...

Ruth: Joke #1 I didn't get. Now I do. Joke #2 is very entertaining ...

Deb said...

sorry, but that's 'cause you're a man gled. and one who might've clapped??! JJ of course ;)

good jokes...loved them.

Sandy said...

Thanks, I think, Gledwood for the URLs.

I hope Deb and Ruth don't mind but I reprinted their jokes on my blog and will post them tomorrow. I've provided links back to all your blogs too.

And thanks to Nicole for turning me on to The Andy Warhol Diaries. I've got a copy coming from the library.

RIP Anna Nicole

Sandy - http://abnormally.blogspot.com

Mousie said...

ouahhhhhh...people semm to have a very good time out here...I've been neglecting friends for a while, sorry...back again, too late for the competition but must have been fun...horoscopes are very funny, really all the signs have something to do with real life, the words are so general...one day I gave all the pupils horoscopes, they were so happy, it was true for most of them...but after I told them I had changed the text : pisces instead of libra, aquarius instead of virgo... that's interesting, because it makes you think about yourself and sort out your "head"...see you everybody and congratulations to the winner!!!
love from Mousie

Gledwood said...

What do you mean you think? Aren't they enough?? I didn't really want to ask your address over the internet as I thought that sounds a bit dodgy otherwise I would have sent you a card ... or a mystery gift even as promised (what though?? I rack my brains for an answer ...)

And Sandy glows in the SPOTLIGHT of the SHEER & UNDISPUTED W I N N E R !!!!

Sandy said...

Oh...I didn't really want the prize, I just wanted to be right! LOL
The URLs were creepy. I'm not that fond of spiders or ants. Chocolate, yes, bugs, no. You're taunting me because of the spider posts I've had recently on my blog. That's not funny. I got the shivers.
In any case, what matters is I won! YAY!
Thanks Gledwood!

Sarah said...

I missed all the jokes! They were great! Ha! or "LOL" (I know you love that Gledwood! :))

Dan said...

Hey dude, did you even read my post?? I poured my heart into that one.

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood