HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, February 05, 2007

What I Know About Turkey Producer Bernard Matthews

Well that was a ramble (below) wasn't it. My migraine story ..! Well it IS true ...
On my old blog there was a facility I never managed to install (due to chronic lack of html instructions) called Poll Gear. I set up my poll. Got the colour scheme right. It resembled vaguely a set of traffic lights with push-button voting and the query went like this: Lindsay Lohan -- actress or ho? If anyone knows where I can import a "poll" from I'd be most interested. I didn't have anything like the same html worries here as on the last blog. It was really simple ...
Thanks for all the paperclip advice re "insert link": I think I've just found the right button. Not the paperclip I imagined I remembered, but hey: okay, if you want to see Ruth's blog or Deb's, the correct links should be here, so get clicking away!! I can't believe it's so easy. I believe I"m on the "new" blogger. But what's oldfashioned to me is that I'm typing in practically html code; ie if I want to embolden, literal spiky brackets appear in my version of the text with the word "strong" in them. Don't know if it'll let me say that either without strengthening the type also ...
Can I alter the type face and size mid-posting? On my old one I had the choice of about 20 faces and every size from 8 point to 34++ was readily available to me .... oh the good old days of waiting 20 minutes staring at that egg timer every time I wanted to just alter a single comma. The good old days of absolutely no idea how many visitors my site got. It wasn't till I moved over to blogger that it was confirmed, I get the same number of hits as all my friends (which obviously stands to reason as we're reading one another's blogs) and I can now post something without having to budget ten minutes' egg-timer time ...
News, anyone? Upwards of 150,000 turkeys have been slaughtered at that Bernard Matthews poultry farm in Suffolk. And yes it is slightly disturbingly near Ruth's neck of the woods. I used to know someone who worked in one of Bernard Matthews' 57 farms, scattered across Norfolk and Suffolk. Now Bernard Matthews, y'all need to know, always appeared in his own advertising, assuring us in his Norfolk patois that his product was "bootiful". To me, to be honest he makes the same Christmas turkeys as anyone else but the Bernard Matthews name marks a price premium ... Anyhow, as I was saying, I knew this guy (a troubled soul, like so many of my old friends) who had worked on one of Bernard Matthews's turkey farms. The labour conditions were dreadful. These poor turkeys lived their entire lives in huge darkened sheds, air thick with feathers ... utter claustrophobia ... Several jobs were available from caring for the live birds to slaughtering, cleaning and packing them. Killing the birds earnt you a premium wage as not many people could stand slaughtering the poor little chooks day in day out with an electronic stun-gun. Anyhow, this guy's job was to grab the dead birds and hang them by the feet on hooks. Eventually, from the constant restricted movements repetitive strain type injuries developed in the hands. And scratches from the birds' claws became infected with salmonella... leading to horrifically deformed knuckles on both his hands. Also tis guy had a nasty habit of losing his temper and punching various unknown members of the public, which never helped them to heal.
They put a turkey shed on the radio before Christmas. The little birdies make noises like a crowd of people and every so often literally make the noise of a crowd bursting into laughter and applause. It was quite fantastic. Turkeys are quite gentle birds. It's a shame they are forced to live their short lives under such squalid over-crowded conditions. I've heard that sometimes (not necessarily at Bernard Matthews' farms)that they have their beaks clipped so they can't even peck at each other. Which is a normal part of their behaviour.
The bird flu must have gone through that shed like proverbial Wildfire. By midday yesterday at least 60,000 birds had been culled at this flu-ridden farm. By the end of the day, all 160,000 were dead. Gassed by this special culling-gas. I think it's awfully sad.
Avian influenza, contrary to certain comments I have overheard does not affect British garden songbirds like robins, bluetits, larks and thrushes. It only affects ducks, chickens, geese, swans and turkeys - the type of birds we coincidentally like to eat... One wild swan was found a year or so ago believed to have died from bird flu. But the current outbreak is really Britain's first major skirmish with the virus. Most worryingly it is indeed the most deadly H5N1 strain that can pass from bird to human with fatal consequences.
No strain of the flu has yet developed that can pass from human to human. When that happens - and let's hope it never does - we'll have the so-called pandemic on our hands ...


Ester Beatriz said...

Hi!! Thanks a lot for your visit!!! Return always!!! Have a nice week!!! Bye!

Deb said...

i watched a good program on pandemic preparedness...the masks that fly off the shelf don't offer much protection. and people often forget to stock up on their medicine and are unable to gain access to it, so it helps to have a good supply on hand (3-6 mths worth).

When there was a concern over bird flu here, the vehicles had to have their tires disinfected before they travelled in/out of the infected farm. I don't know why I told you that.

I'm edging my way closer & closer to a meatless diet. #1 reason - it's not my favorite anyways...I prefer fruits/veggies, etc. #2 - i love the animals and feel just horrible about those very conditions you describe. we used to go the the PNE where they'd have the cows numbered, ready for auction/slaughter and I'd go sit with them and look into their big brown eyes and cry (pathetic, I know). They are gorgeous. I have some good cow pics, I'll post them later. I "visit" with the ones up the road a lot.

Long comment...sorry. Off to visit Mom...back later.

Wee-Leng said...

Hi there, it's me, Wee-Leng. Thanks for dropping by. Am pure born and bred Malaysian Chinese in every sense so ain't no Brit nor American. =)

U take care *wink

jdm, Blogmaster said...

bird flew or bird flu
bird droppings are a problem here on the Canadian river in Oklahoma. nice blog...

Assorted Video said...

Getting infections in hands from birds sounds horrible! It's cool you checked out my blog!

See ya,

RUTH said...

Glad you found the peaper clip ok. You're "article" on Bernard Matthews is really interesting. Who needs a daily paper with GW in our midst.

Katarina Ducrozet said...

i think it would be good to have a pandemic.
that will teach them to treat animals in such horrid conditions.
and to farm millions of birds for our greedy consupmptions.(huh?? sp??)(tired.....)

i prefer to just eat benzos and opiates and such with a side dish of potatoes.. much tastier and better for the environmment and nobody gets tortured.

Women on the Verge said...

Good point that the Avian Flu doesn't kill the songbirds, BUT they can still be carriers... that's why it's important to make sure that you wash, wash, wash when filling birdfeeders, or after coming in from working in the garden.

I'm with Deb on going veggie... I'd prefer a big bowl of pasta and greens anyday to something that's been stunned and or clubbed... UGH


klini said...

Hi, Klini here. I haven't read the whole story yet, since I am a bit in a hurry, but if you want a poll, just type in "free poll" in google, you will get a while list from which to choose from. I will be reading the rest later.

Gledwood said...

How come Women on the Verge moves now? She didn't used to ... I'm sure ...

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood