HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


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I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Bangers and a Mashed Up Day


I can feel it in my cyder
... I don't know what, but I'm sure it is.

Laundretta asked me if I'd seen Evilstein the landlord's Manager.

"No," I said. "Should I have?"

She stared blankly for a while then said, "O, no... doesn't matter..."

Shortly afterwards after my two minute bath (trust me if you'd seen our bath you wouldn't want to spend more than two minutes in there either(!) No plug even. You have to stuff it up with toilet paper (Laundretta's method that gets pink, porridgey bits everywhere) or dirty old socks (my method: kills two birds with one stone; sock comes out cleaner too (well after a bit of brownwater squishing etc.etc.)

As I said yesterday I cleaned my robbies. As I didn't say: I somehow got half a bagful of their dirty sawdust all over my floor. Honestly it's getting so scruffy in there it's almost like living in a barn.

With which point in mind I troubled to clear everything out with 20 new heavy duty refuse sacks at about midday.

At some point there was a giant commotion. I heard Evilstein taking my name repeatedly in vain. I dared not venture downstairs to find out what it was all about.

Turned out later one of my dealers had decided to call "on spec" and run into the evilness of the fierce Cypriot! (Yes, Evilstein stomps around shouting in Greek... I once had to ask Valium Marilyn "why does he keep yelling 'taxi'?" "O! Darlin' that's not taxi that's endaksi - it means OK in Greek!"

I had gorgeous bangers and mash for "tea" last night.

Just in case you can't cook here's the recipe:


Beef sausages (pork if you really can countenance chewing dead swines' flesh - ugkh!)
New potatoes
Red onion
Gravy granules.

Peel and chop potatoes. Not everyone seems to do the second stage; but chopping significantly speeds up cooking time plus reduces your snotty middle-class "carbon footprint" (well only the snotty bourgeoisie seem to prattle on about such "issues" on the radio so I assume only middleclass people have such snotty "footprints" ... well whatever back to the cooking.

Potatoes take about 20 minutes to boil. Test with a fork: if it goes in easily, they're ready to mash.

When the potatoes are about 5 minutes to go, smear butter in a frying pan and fry up sausages for about 8 minutes on a fairly high heat, turning frequently.

When they're nearly done, add about half a medium size chopped red onion per person (red looks better but otherwise it really makes no difference). Traditionally you would fry till really tender (not crisp) and add to the gravy. I prefer to add it to my mash, I think it goes better; but it's up to you... Adding paprika to the oil will make your onion mix yummily red and piquant. Adding a tiny pinch of extra-hot chili spices it up yet more. Woo!

Then drain the potatoes. Mash. Add a bit of butter and black pepper. Adding more butter plus a little splash of milk will make them creamier, but frankly I prefer them "au naturel". They are, after all gonna get doused in gravy. Mash in the fried onions plus some of their oil (if desired) with fork.

(STOP PRESS: I advised to fry onions in with the sausages. Actually, unless you positively enjoy the slightly cloying taste of beef fat in your onions (or worse, snotty runny gyuckinous lard from pork sausages) don't do it that way round. Fry the onions first in a bit of butter (and spices if desired). Turf them out into a plate. Keep warm, but don't worry if they cool too much: the hot saussies + gravy will heat 'em up again. Then fry sausages in the pan.)

Boil up a small amount of the potato water if you still have it (think of global resources!) or just fresh water. Read gravy instructions. Make it with about half as much granules more than instructions say: then you'll get a really thick mixture as shown on the "serving suggestion". There's nothing worse than over-watery gravy! If you want to be pretentious you can add a small pinch of mixed herbs to your gravy, but frankly I don't bother. It jarrs against the cheap industrial-ness of the sausages and mash.

Now slap mashed potatoes in boat shape on plate. Pyoing sausages on top. Scoop out a kind of hollow with fork. Fill this into a lake of gravy.... yum yum yummee!

I'm going to start making my mega stews again. I did post the recipe some months ago. Merle, Liz and Ruth in particular will remember my home-made dumplings escapades....

Righty ho I have to go I'm hungry now..!


Tune of the Day:
Suzanne Vega Medley: Cracking - Ironbound - Fancy Poultry etc...


Blogs of the Day
Creative Thinking Class http://creativethinkingclass.blogspot.com
Actually, the text is in Chinese, but it's the pictures I've nominated it for. Amazing surreal moonshots... plus did you know 意見 is "comment" in Chinese?

Proctor Family Blog http://proctorfamily4.blogspot.com
Amazingly clear family photos from golden American shores...

Furniture and Luxury Design
Includes free design ebooks!

Joel Pilcher Art and Design
Amazing atmospheric stag "sketch" (though "sketch" is hardly the word...)

Some folks have taken the humble craft of pumpkin-carving into the realms of high art....
Have a look at this!
The Koenigs' Home Blog: http://cindykoenig.blogspot.com

Have you ever wanted to learn to draw? Yet just wished someone who really knew how had the patience to explain the procedure step-by-step?
Try this blog then:
MCSM Studio of Art http://mcsmstudioart.blogspot.com

The "ickle boy" pixx are really entertaining and cute...


How's this for an amazing caterpillar picture?
Originates from Khairilfa http://khairilfa.blogspot.com


Hey! Just bought intellectual mint hot chocolate from Iceland - highly extravagant: £1.50 for eight 1oz sachets; that's about twice as expensive as vulgar non-minty but it's getting dark by 5pm now so hey...


Another British thing with sausages is Toad in the Hole (click for Delia Smith's uber-recipe). Basically the sausages are embedded in this yummy spongey stuff that is always called "batter" though it's not how I'd think of batter. Surely batter is ordinarily fried? This is raised up in the oven... and unlike the over-stodgy fish and chips, say, it's quite a nice recipe, if you wanted to make something British but a bit unusual...


Sad news: Guardian newspaper columnist Dina Rabinovitch has lost her fight against breast cancer.
You can click for her obituary
Click for her blog.

My Mum had stage 2 breast cancer last year. (Stage 4 is the worst.) Thank God she was OK...


And lastly: hear this for some of the entertainingest radio comedy I've heard in a long time. It's a spoof phone-in Down the Line. Click the "listen again" option and the entire show shall be piped luxuriously through your personal computer...

PS If you want a way of piping BBC Radio through your computer yet their website not getting in the way of anything else you might want to look at (and it really doesn't this way, it vanishes all together; only the sound remains faithful). This is how you do it.

Bring up a page you want to read - like this one.

Scroll down the right sidebar for my personal Google search box. You need to bring up the radio after whatever else you want to look at; otherwise it doesn't work... Into that search box type in "down line radio 4" - you'll get straight to the link. Click on "listen again"; adjust volume. Then go to the top righthandside of that window and click "minimize" - the window shall vanish; the sound does not.

You can get the full range of Radio 4 or World Service spoken-word programming by Googling "radio 4 listen again" or "world service listen again" and pick and chose as you please.

Another thing you can do is Google "radio 4" or "bbc world service" (or bbc anything else you might want) - then you can select "listen live" and do as above... and have the positive luxury of quality BBC sounds direct to your PC wherever you may be....

Once you've got the BBC up and running and minimized you can just browse as normal wherever you please: blogs, websites, wherever and it just runs on regardless. Wahey!!


Deb said...

Hi gled...haven't been around much- will get "caught up" here later. For now, off to work, hospital, etc.

I was just mentioning bangers and mash to my mum in law...they used to have that a lot and I'd forgotten what it was.

She wants to know where, exactly, you are. She's curious, as I've told her about this nice friend I have in London (London, right?).

Back later,
Take care.


Chef Jules said...

Gled! It was good to "see" you. I've been remiss in not getting out more. Away from my blog, that is! Always interesting to read your coverage of diverse topics.

I'm going to acquire some of the bubbly Aero hot chocolate. 'Tis the season. :)

Gledwood said...

Debs: London, yes!

Jules: definitely tis the season for warming hot chokkie drinxx

molson said...

I never heard the term 'bangers and mash' in the States. I would assume that 'mash' might refer to mash potatoes, but couldn't be certain. I have heard mashed potatoes referred to as 'mashers' and as 'lumpies'. Sounds tastey no matter what you call it. Even better with the hot peppers.

Gledwood said...

The bangers are sausages... so called I think bc during WWII you HAD to prick 'em with a fork ... as they were so full of cheap old fat that if you didn't they'd literally explode on you!!

At least that is what BBC Radio 4 would have us believe....

Odat said...

That recipe sounds delicious! I think I'm going to try it...
Thanks for sharing...hope all is ok with you ;-)

Akelamalu said...

Toad in the Hole is delicious!!

your bangers and mash sound good too!

Alexys Fairfield said...

Hey Gleds,
You're making me hungry now. Maybe you could get a stopper for that bathtub of yours. It's only a few quid.

Btw, I know many Cypriots who often say "endaksi," and they would cringe if they heard you thought it was "peasant."

Stay well. :D

Gledwood said...

Odat: surviving, ta!

Akelamalu: wish I had a decent oven to make tut toad int hole! (Do you like my "other side ot hill" (Yorkshire) accent?)

Alexys F: ooer! I've taken the word "peasant" out!

Gledwood said...

Alexys: sorry forgot to mention; I did have a plug for the bath; in fact I had two. Only one day I forgot to dutifully steal back my stopper from said bath and some bastard stole it!!! This happened twice (2 stoppers)... see how life is in this dump...?

Audrey said...

Great post Gleds, now I have this mental image of you cooking away and entertaining the nation on some morning show or ready steady cook...lol That after you've become known as a result of your best selling memoirs though.

You somehow managed to turn the simplest of tasks into something interesting and entertaining.. a real gift.

As for the two minute bath, toilet paper and dirty socks included, this had me rolling on the floor laughing.. Auds x

Gledwood said...

I know it's BAD! The toilet paper comes apart like ukky pukey porridge and looks really disgusting!!

Deegh said...

Whoa nice Blog! Thanks for commeting on those odd pictures I had up. And now thanks to you I can make Bangers and mash.

Liz said...

I do remember your stews: is it that time again already?

The batter on Toad in the Hole is just Yorkshire pudding.

I love bangers and mash too. And I think it's Daughter's absolute favourite (although they have to be veggie bangers).

Intellectual hot chocolate? I need some of that.

Anonymous said...

What are your thoughts on Marmite?


CatWoman said...

OMG the cat and the scorpion had me cringing. I kept thinking the cat was going to get stung. Then it ate the thing. Eeeeewwww.
I haven't had bangers and mash in yonks. Need to have them this weekend. Red Lion pub here I come.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Love your recipe, Gleds! Sorry you can't have a long, relaxing bath.. but at least it sounds as if the robbies did! Thanks for the R4 instructions - I'll try it. Buona notte from Sicily.

Hammer said...

I've heard them talk about them on keeping up appearances and Are you being served but I never knew what the hll they were.

Thanks for the recipe, my wife will love them.

Jeanette said...

Hi Gleds. Im back. The cat gave his scorpian up to hard to chew, is it your cat?.
Bangers and mash now thats a meal I havent eaten in years, used to have it often when the kids were small.
Now you better buy a stopper for that bath and keep it in your room near your soap and towel then take it with you when u go for a bath....take care

Amazing Gracie said...

I guess it's because I'm an old broad but I'm a Yank (or Tank!) who knows what bangers and mash are (is?).
We had something similar when I was a kid in grammar school - they called it "Shepherd's Pie." It was ground beef, gravy and mashed. Pretty good stuff!
Your bathtime image made me thankful for the funky bathroom I do have!
I do hope your fortunes change for the better and soon!!!

Bimbimbie said...

.... bangers n mash these days for me are tomato and herb instead of thick beef and thin pork bangers are was it the other way .... I can remember being sent to the shops and the lady behind the counter asking is that thick or thin love!

The frog, yes it just walked up the window ....I put those Dunnart links up too *!*

.... funny image of your bathroom ... you could write for Shameless lol *!*

Bimbimbie said...

are .... that be or !!

Merle said...

Hi Gleds ~~ Your bangers and mash sound yummy, must have some soon. The toad in the hole sounds nice also. And I
do remember some of your stews and I guess it is getting cool enough for them again.
Thanks for your comments, about time going fast or just feeling like it. And also the 5 good leads !! Take care, Regards, Merle.

jmb said...

Hi Gleds,
I see you've got your blogrolls all reorganized. Great job and thanks for the lovely recipe for bangers and mash. Glad the robbies are doing well and it's always lovely to see your tiny furry face out and about.

Gledwood said...

Deegh: make sure you use plenty of your own common sense, trust my - my recipes demand it!

Liz: toad in the hole is just Yorkshire Pudding... I WISH someone had put it like that to me b4; t'would have explained quite a lot...

Eileen: Marmite? Lovely stuff! Been eatin' it since I was a babbie!

Catwoman: Just make sure they use REAL POTATOES and not that industrial powder mix!

Gledwood said...

Welshcakes: Hang on; what do you mean the Robbies "having a bath"~?? They can have DUST BATHS but ordinary ones... not good. Though when they briefly had a paddling-pool-sized tub of water (to them), Bashful managed to plop into it. Quickly pinged out and dried her wooly fur off tho...

Hammer: you mean Bangers and Mash... o yeah! Nothing more exciting than sausages and mashed spuds (which are the common potato)...

Jeanette: No! It's not my cat... I wish I lived in a house big enough to have a cat, really I do ...

Righto about the stopper: yes I did USED to have one but naively I once left it in the bathroom for all to use and whoever used it KEPT IT FOR THEMSELF. Then I was reduced to using the other one (of a pack of 2)... yet JUST ONCE I accidentally left it in there... and of course it disappeared...

Gracie: O! Shepherds' pie is top nosh! Probably in this country it's the #1 hospital food:... because you don't need teeth to eat it... it's lovely stuff... especially with crackling grilled cheese atop and lotsa gravy beneath...(!!) yeah!! ;->...

Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: vegetarian sausages can be genius these days, don't you agree? I used to eat Linda McArtney's Surprises every day. You grill 3 or 4 of them; cut in half, longways and eat in a toasted sandwich smeared with tomato ketchup, melted cheese and salad... yeah!

Thanks for the dunnart links!
They definitely are my old "piatkus mouse"...

I specially liked the one telling how to keep one as a tellytubby pet... they remind me of a Chinese hamster but with even poppier eyes!!

Merle: I'd go for toad in the hole if I were you... toad in the hole is genius with lots of gravy, seasonable steamed or boiled vegetables (like babycorn!!) plus really crispie "fries" ~~yeah!

JMB: Your furry face is pretty entertaining yourself you know... that picture you "avatar" with always makes me smile... the dog looks somehow mesmerized....

Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: vegetarian sausages can be genius these days, don't you agree? I used to eat Linda McArtney's Surprises every day. You grill 3 or 4 of them; cut in half, longways and eat in a toasted sandwich smeared with tomato ketchup, melted cheese and salad... yeah!

Thanks for the dunnart links!
They definitely are my old "piatkus mouse"...

I specially liked the one telling how to keep one as a tellytubby pet... they remind me of a Chinese hamster but with even poppier eyes!!

Merle: I'd go for toad in the hole if I were you... toad in the hole is genius with lots of gravy, seasonable steamed or boiled vegetables (like babycorn!!) plus really crispie "fries" ~~yeah!

JMB: Your furry face is pretty entertaining yourself you know... that picture you "avatar" with always makes me smile... the dog looks somehow mesmerized....

CrystalChick said...

Ooh, I did just make Zuppa Tuscana... sausage and potato soup but I generally don't like sausage.

Bummer about your short tubbie... I take them in ALL seasons... with bubbles!

Any kind of hot chocolate sounds divine!! YUM

ggirl said...

Gravy granules? I don't think we have that here.

I'm so sorry your mom had to go through the whole breast cancer experience, but I'm glad she's okay. Chemo? Radiation?

Thanks for the link to BBC! What fun. Take care, Gleds.

Gledwood said...

Crystal: hot chocolate = really good. But I have to use about 1/2 as much water as they say, otherwise it's too WEAK!

GGirl: She was going to have radio but in the end only needed the kind of "chemo" that you wouldn't even think of as "chemo" - you know it's taken by mouth..? As I say it was really lucky as not in the lymph nodes but had spread very slightly... even though it was literally only the size of a black peppercorn and detected totally by fluke

CG said...

Nice recipe. Can't wait for the stews!!

Gledwood said...

Yeah I make pretty good stews, CG!

Angie said...

Hi Gleds,
Bangers and mash,lovely grub,especially with lashings of HP sauce,lol.By the way, thanks again for introducing my blog to ruthjen. I got a nice message from her the other day and I also got one from Wom Tigley.On a more serious note,I saw your mention about your Mum. I hope and pray that she will come through this. Bye for now

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Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood