HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.


Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...


I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Migraine's Gone Away

THE MIGRAINE (yesterday) eventually went away. Got barely the tiniest hint of a headache, though I felt mighty nauseated for ages and ages and couldn't see straight for a long time. (I only managed to tap in yesterday's post bc I touch-type. Otherwise it would have been impossible!) If you have "classical" migraine and try e.g. to read a book, half the text will seem to disappear as the visual field is full of blind spots and zigzags. If you're wondering what on earth I'm talking about "migraine" without severe headache - as I said yesterday my dr. said I'm just lucky. Every time it has happened in the last 12 years or more I've escaped the headache. It's called "subclinical migraine".

I did a fair bit of writing once I felt better. I am on to the time I was at university in 1991/1992. The course I chose was called "comparative literature" - this gave me the widest possible choice of "modules" so after 2 terms of "prelims" were done with I jumped straight into "The World of (Icelandic) Sagas" and "Creative Writing: The Novel". My teacher for the latter was a lovely bubbly lady called Michele Roberts. Unlike the authors of those gerzillions of "how to write a 20 million copy bestseller" - type books you'll find in the "creative writing" sections of bookshops... and yet none of their works (except the how-to) are even in print! Let alone selling 20 million copies- this lady has been Booker shortlisted, been a Booker Prize judge... and is now a Professor of Creative Writing ... yes! Back at UEA where I was a student (many many MANY moons ago). She is a really good teacher, full of pizzazz and zest (and she loves knocking back the red wine if I recall correctly (!))

My robos have been hiding in lavatory tubes for the past three days. At one point I seriously thought they'd all escaped. Then I leaned over their domain and cooed "come out you great big fat gremlins!" and three pink noses, six beady eyes appear from the tubes. Spherical is most ambivalent to this point, as she doesn't really like me, and yet if something exciting seems to be going on with the other two (who do like me) she doesn't want to be missing out. Which results in lots of scurrying around in a confused kind of way.

The weather is gorgeous. At last! The trees are going gold, the air is cold. Autumn proper is here. At such very long last. (It means the magic mushrooms will be out in profusion after the next rains, except living in a metropolis I know nowhere to pick them... ho-hum anyway dem trippy fungoids are a thing of my past. Now I can FEEL the beautiful autumn I feel cleaner today than I have in a very long time. It's such a good feeling.

Right and on that note: I'm off!


CrystalChick said...

My sister used to get migraines that sent her to bed with meds...

Glad you are feeling better. :)

Santa Baby is sooo cool. That's a must have around holiday time. I'm not ready for the seasonal stuff just yet but went I start getting into the mood LOOKOUT!

Nicole said...

Hi Gled. Someone left a message for you via my blog. It was from an entry ages ago about a visitor from Myanmar. Here is the link, scroll down to the last two comments:


You'll have to copy and paste that link together in the browser.

toby said...

Don't know how you found Princess Tanya's... but so glad you did! This place is amazing!!! I'm guessing you never sleep.

Sympathy for the migraine. I lose left lower quadrant of visual field a few hours before my head explodes. Occasionally, I lose more. Dealing blackjack is a nightmare because the "shoe" (containing cards) is on the left, which means I sometimes have to turn my whole head like a weird android croupier thingy with tunnel vision. (Unless you're a casino junkie, that might be over your head :)

Thanks for the link in your writers section! (Ooh, does that mean I'm a writer?!)

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Plenty of fields with cow patties perfect for mushies near where I live! (Not that I've ever gone picking them.)

Bo said...

Thanks for your comment you left in my blog. We have no Vietnamese keybord, but we cope with complicated diacritics and ligatures by some softwares, like Unikey or Vietkey. For example, when you type "aa", Unikey will change these letter to "â"; when you type "v[x", you will receive the word "vỡ". It's not too difficult for us to remember these rule.
Do you want to learn Vietnamese?

Ellee said...

I remember that story too about baby Jessica, where have all the years gone?

raffi said...

sorry about the migraine, glad to hear it's now gone. baby jessica... wow, what a distant memory

Janice said...

Hi Glen,

I'm glad your migrain is better, I had those a few years ago when I was on the B-pill, and also found out that that particular one also caused brain tumors--uck.

I was looking for your self-portrait you mention on my blog, but couldn't find it in any of your blogs.

I guess you haven't posted it yet?


Amazing Gracie said...

Well, this should make you feel better: I'm odder than you are!

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.
Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

I've never heard of migraines with just the aura. It drove me nuts to be at work and have my vision bail on me right in the middle of typing a large report! I had hoped they would disappear when I hit a "certain age..." but to no avail. Drat!

I'm so glad you're having such a marvelous day, feeling clean and refreshed!!! Enjoy and peace.

Akelamalu said...

Glad the migraine's gone honey. I have great hopes for your book.

The weather's gorgeous here too!

HoosierGirl5 said...

Okay, how the heck do you leave comments on this blog? Half of the posts don't have "comments"! Arrgh.

I'm glad your migraine went away. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Why am I not in your list of USA blogs?


Gledwood said...

Thanks for the comments everyone. No migraine but very under the weather. Must be the miserable time of year!!

zennist said...

I suffer from migraines, too. You have my deepest sympathies, Gleds. But unsalted peanuts (later post)? Very odd!

Anonymous said...

Although official road signs throughout Wales are bilingual, the wording on money is English only (apart from the legend on Welsh pound coins: "pleidol wyf i'm wlad"). And although many shops employ bilingual signage, Welsh only very rarely appears on product packaging or instructions.

Anonymous said...

Ancient Chinese rack pic:


opop said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

fgeegf said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,



Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.

Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!

Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood