HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

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DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Monday, October 08, 2007

Roborovski Magic Wand

I FOUND A REALLY NARROW LONG CARDBOARD TUBE YESTERDAY... I'm not sure exactly what where this originated from but I'd assume it was some sort of clingfilm or something like that. The diameter is slightly under 2cm wide or just over half an inch wide. It's so tiny that when I pick up Baby Itchy and say, "Come on you Bunnyhopper; hop inside!" and she does, scurrying end to end unless something in the middle grabs her attention (though I cannot for the life of me imagine WHAT?!? she appears at the other side and sticks just her head out which looks so entertaining. Then she bunnyhops out and I point her back in the tube and do the right thing, which involves kind of squeezing her body slightly which makes her bunnyhop back inside and out she appears at the other end - it is like a Roborovski magic wand! Occasionally she panicks, rambles the entire length, is maybe put off by my incessant cooing and does a quick reverse (it is too narrow even for a roborovski to turn around in and so she must simply scoot backwards) out she appears all ungainly and undignified, all backbrushed fur looking really entertaining like a powderpuffed sandy vole...

I managed to coax Bashful inside but she got all nervous and stalled midway through for over half an hour. Never made it all the way inside and reversed out again . Then she stood on her haunches, peering at me superciliously as if to declare "you think I'm stupid enough to fall for all your tricks; I'm not like that Baby Itchy, you know".

Poor Baby Itchy, being the tiniest and the tamest does all the tricks. (Actually the magic wand trick is the only trick she will do, but it does look entertaining with her bunnyhopping in and out and looking so surprised as she emerges as baby rodents are so apt to do...)

Spherical I got to walk on my hands yesterday but she still doesn't like me.

This occurred as they were housemoving back from their holiday gite to their ordinary fishtank. They're only allowed in the gite (which comes complete with turret) at weekends when my landlord is far away from our building as I wouldn't trust him not to knock their gite open or deliberately kick at it even...

Their "granary" came with them. This is a small cardboard box stuffed to the brim with hamster cottonwool style bedding complete with a pair of nibbled holes for entry and exit (this is the box I had to enlarge when Bashful packed her pouches to extremely she was literally globular and could not fit through the chewed out front door. Imagine coming home so laden down with shopping you couldn't fit in your house. So what do you do but start rabidly nibbling your way in! Hamsters are funny creatures, to be sure... It is so full of seeds it's literally weighed down. I can't usually tell by weight alone whether it's just seeds or there's hamsters in there, it weighs so very much...

This is the box that when I put wild bird seed down they go mental stuffing their faces... only for an entire handful (which is a lot for three thumb-length gremlins) to demolish down... Only in deep privacy or when they're convinced nobody sees them do they ever disgorge their pouches. They do this by pressing the sides of their face with the front poors (oops! paws!!) In a quarter of an hour they can easily stash between the three of them as much grain as they physically weigh between themselves. I find it odd that between them they've decided that this box should be their granary. And none sleeps there, except for Spherical, occasionally. Because she is top-peck and most superior...

Righty-ho that's my roborovskery for the day. Take care folks!

Daily video:
Australian Animal Bloopers - yes the last one really is a dreaded REDBACK toilet seat jumping, arse-biting spider!


Video II
An itchy and a burrowing robohammy


Video III
Cute robohammy clambering all over hand


***

Blog of the day:
Response Plod http://responseplod.blogspot.com
A British policeman's (so it seems) blog...


***

Photo of the day - daddy and little boy - click here to see it.

from Jonathan and Melissa Baird's blog


***

Photo Blog of the day - another Finnish blog. I keep coming across this lady's lakes and forests "avatar" amongst comments as I spread my bloghopping tendrils far and wide...
Joensuu Eastern Finland Daily Photo Blog http://joensuudailyphoto.blogspot.com


***

Travel/tourism blog of the day
Portuguese Man of War http://portuguesemanofwar.blogspot.com - well worth a look for the current post - all pixx of wine and cheeses and the gorgeous Portuguese countryside and Atlantic coast...

22 comments:

jim dandy said...

fun videos and animal story's.
I had a baby moose running around my house and up and down the side streets of my neighborhood last night. I followed it around with my video camera but it was on pause when I thought it was filming and recording when I thought it was paused. I was too exited, and maybe a little drunk. haha

gledwood said...

Shame you could have youtubed that & everything.

I'm going to youtube baby Itchy's tube trick just as soon as I get a mobile phone/digital camera to record it in motion...

RUTH said...

Really enjoyed the roborovskery tales. Would be great to see some vids of yours. Re your comment about the rosehips; the boys did exactly the same when I was at school!!!
Rx

Gledwood said...

Some things never change ;->...

Gledwood said...

kinda note to self:

OH I was gabbling about farmworkers the other day... reason being in an island population 60 million a full 1.2 MILLION mostly agricultural workers have PILED IN over the last few years to fill lowly paid jobs the Brits don't want. And I don't blame the Brits. These jobs ought to be paid a bit MORE then our people might do them then OUR people might not be unemployed then OUR country might be wealthier. As it is globalization is only going to impoverish the poor even further by doing them out of even more jobs in the clerical and similar spheres... totally unfair!
Well that's MY rant of the day!

ggirl said...

Okay, in my endless trying to catch up on what's going on in your life, I suddenly discover you use the name "Gleds" instead of Gled. I've officially moved to the preferred name. Take care, Gleds!

gledwood said...

o yeah but it doesn't really matter - i call Deb Debs but to everyone else she is Deb but I add esses to everything so one more or less ess is neither here nor there!

Leena said...

Greetings from Finland!
I have to thank you for your compliment on your and my blog.

I took a break from DailyPhoto blogging and I try to organize all old photos of family history starting few photos of grand - grandparents.
And of course you can easily see, that my English is not quite best quality,faraway, I know :)
But we had to learn in our school at first Swedish, then Germany, after that English and Latin. So we, in my age-class,did not learned
any of those languages well. Our children speak quite well English and my all three children also French.

I went also to this blog, which you mentioned in your comment. She is very good writer, I think, you could like her style of writing.
I bookmarked her, very refreshing
acquaintance, I will visit her often, thank you!

Gledwood said...

Seriously? How odd.
I was talking to someone earlier (in their comments box) also from Finland about WHY on earth do you have to learn Swedish at school. Do the Swedes also learn Finnish?
Or DO THEY CONSIDER THEMSELVES TOO SUPERIOR TO HAVE TO BOTHER???
;->...

Leena said...

Do you our history?
Finland was one part of Sweden about
five hundred years before Russia took us into their "gentle arms" 1809.
We got our independence 1917.
Our second official language is Swedish, and yes, they are still a little "better folk" ;)
But, there it is a big but, most Finn speak better English than Swedish :)History is so strong- too strong in this case, I could say.
And no, Swedes do not learn Finnish in their school:) Why should they ??

Quintarantino said...

Hi there... glad you found us on PORTUGUESEMANOFWAR. That's a project that is beinh made by Quintarantino, Damularussa, my sis Carol, Daniel, Ouvido (Ear) and Paulo. Joshua is a lazy guy so he isn´t writting.
Hope you keep visiting us.
Today I guess Carol will be posting some poetry... See ya... and, by the way, I'll come back to read more...

Lee said...

Sounds like you're having as much fun if not more than Baby Itchy and Bashful, Gled. :)

Yeah Him said...

Cool site - I'd be all about the escape from plastic tubs by any means necessary as well!!

Have a good 1.

ddrips said...

hi gledwood,

just drop by to say hello... I'll come visit when I have more time

thanks for helping out at my post

best
tim

damularussa said...

I came to thanks you, for your lovely words about our blog, and saying that you are always welcome.

I'll be back to read you with more attention
;)

damularussa said...

correction "come"

;)

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

I have been reading your blog for quite a few months now and have commented here and there. Have to say that your willingness to share your life is pretty impressive (especially considering what your weaknessess are). I hope that you can make it through this so that there can be a happy ending to your memoires. Keep on writing and BEHAVE.

E from Canada

gledwood said...

Leena: No I never knew about Finland having been part of Sweden... I actually thought (for some reason) it was more likely to have been part of RUSSIA!!

Why should they learn Finnish?
Erm... let me think about that one...

Quintarantino: You're welcome!

Lee: I sometimes wonder whether they do HAVE fun or just exist... it's so hard to get inside the head of a pygmy dwarf hamster... on the one hand they're so intelligent and inquisitive; on the other they startle so easily and get so scared... so it's hard to say how much they really enjoy life... surely more so than living in the wild, where the average lifespan of rodents is meant not to exceed 2 months... they can live 12 times that easily in captivity...

gledwood said...

Yeah Him: yeah. Plastic tubs = not good hamstery-wise, quite right. That's why I have to fill their aquarium with toilet tubes and wheels etc etc

DDrips: That's quite all right!

Damularussa: you're welcome too!

E: you must have commented as a different name ..?

Glad you like my blog...

I will try to behave.

That was made impossible today by my "speed" find...

Luckily as I write this, about 2 hours later, it's tapering off a bit already as I didn't take that much...

gledwood said...

Hey Jim by the way... baby moose... wow! I bet that looked like Baby Itchy with antlers... ;->...

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I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood