HAMSTERS & HEROIN: Not all junkies are purse-snatching grandmother-killing psychos. I'm keeping this blog to bear witness to that fact.

LIVE FROM LONDON

Gledwoods deutscher Blog

Bitte hier klicken ...

DIARY OF A SLOWLY RECOVERING HEROIN ADDICT

I used to take heroin at every opportunity, for over 10 years, now I just take methadone which supposedly "stabilizes" me though I feel more destabilized than ever before despite having been relatively well behaved since late November/early December 2010... and VERY ANGRY about this when I let it get to me so I try not to.

I was told by a mental health nurse that my heroin addiction was "self medication" for a mood disorder that has recently become severe enough to cause psychotic episodes. As well as methadone I take antipsychotics daily. Despite my problems I consider myself a very sane person. My priority is to attain stability. I go to Narcotics Anonymous because I "want what they have" ~ Serenity.

My old blog used to say "candid confessions of a heroin and crack cocaine addict" how come that one comes up when I google "heroin blog" and not this one. THIS IS MY BLOG. I don't flatter myself that every reader knows everything about me and follows closely every single word every day which is why I repeat myself. Most of that is for your benefit not mine.

This is my own private diary, my journal. It is aimed at impressing no-one. It is kept for my own benefit to show where I have been and hopefully to put off somebody somewhere from ever getting into the awful mess I did and still cannot crawl out of. Despite no drugs. I still drink, I'm currently working on reducing my alcohol intake to zero.

If you have something to say you are welcome to comment. Frankness I can handle. Timewasters should try their own suggestions on themselves before wasting time thinking of ME.

PS After years of waxing and waning "mental" symptoms that made me think I had depression and possibly mild bipolar I now have found out I'm schizoaffective. My mood has been constantly "cycling" since December 2010. Mostly towards mania (an excited non-druggy "high"). For me, schizoaffective means bipolar with (sometimes severe)
mania and flashes of depression (occasionally severe) with bits of schizophrenia chucked on top. You could see it as bipolar manic-depression with sparkly knobs on ... I'm on antipsychotic pills but currently no mood stabilizer. I quite enjoy being a bit manic it gives the feelings of confidence and excitement people say they use cocaine for. But this is natural and it's free, so I don't see my "illness" as a downer. It does, however, make life exceedingly hard to engage with...

PPS The "elevated mood" is long gone. Now I'm depressed. Forget any ideas of "happiness" I have given up heroin and want OFF methadone as quick as humanly possible. I'm fed up of being a drug addict. Sick to death of it. I wanna be CLEAN!!!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Attack of the Furry Entertainers!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Boozing Mothers Get Thumbs Up Shock!

SO BOOZING IN PREGNANCY IS TO BE RE-ALLOWED. Experts proclaim today: pregnant women can knock back one glass of wine a day without untoward consequences to the unborn child ... big surprise! ... it's not expected to harm the baby.

As I commented on Radio 4's PM blog just now (PM is their drivetime early evening news prog) the fears about drinking in pregnancy stem from photographs originating in America in the late 1980s depicting the horrific consequences of foetal alcohol syndrome ... ie babes so soaked in booze as they formed in the womb that they're deformed and retarded. One drink per day will not achieve this. Even - perish the very thought - getting drunk once while pregnant won't...

Another point we seem all to forget is that nearly all of OUR mothers drank when they were pregnant with US because they knew no better... what harm did this do us?

The biggest dangers to kids from alcohol are the bad example parents so often set children by drinking, fighting, falling apart in front of their offspring long after birth... and more than this the danger posed to young brains when alcohol is secretly imbibed by the grossly underage. THAT is the real problem. Not one glass of wine too many while carrying a bump!

***

I've scribbled so much of my memoirs now that I ran out of paper! Would you believe it? A mere 60 sides of A4 and my notebook's finished (why? Because I procrastinated so very much before starting the damn book that I'd doodled, scrawled, timewasted all over the first 80 sides!)... Also (and this was since formally starting my work) I've gone through TWO Mitsubishi rollerballs already! In the space of 2.5 chapters! So I had to go shopping for replacements today, much to the excitement of WH Smiths' security who simply couldn't believe that someone wearing my scarecrowlike outfit complete with wooly hat was actually going to pay for my pens not steal them... How can I shoplift the materials for my book? That would be somehow... very not right at all!!

***

Don't worry y'all I've indulged in no more "speed". Yes I know how reckless I was yesterday taking that unknown substance... hmmm I don't know what else to say...

Except this:

wasn't I garrulous! Wow!! And I scribbled out ten pages of blustery memoirs yesterday afternoon and posted three times (OK I'd already done one post in the night)... but hey...

***

My pink-nosed roborovskis are fine. They've a new broccoli treestump to amuse them. They chew on it like mini dairy-cows. Ever-entertaining little gremlins that they are!

***

Videos of the Day:
Joan Sutherland performing from Rossini's Semiramide at the Metropolitan Opera House, New York City
and
Dame Kiri singing O Mio Babbino Caro... trust me you know the tune so clickonit now...


***

And last but not least:
This is what Raffi sent me.
Just put the mouse on the pictures and you'll see what months and/or years of speed abuse has done to those people...
(And you wondered why I don't use it 'cept when it's free...)


***


"DON'T LET DRUG DEALERS CHANGE THE FACE OF YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD"

This is the famous Metropolitan Police ad campaign.
The photos actually originate from Florida police's arrest records, but were used on British billboards to advertise a crime prevention hotline...

20 comments:

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Ahhh, the power of speed, I remember it well. Expect I didn't put it to use to writing, I would do a million crosswords instead!

Gledwood said...

;->...

RUTH said...

As soon as I can afford it I intend to make up for all those glasses of wine I missed during three pregnancies! :o)

TK Kerouac said...

Hi Gledwood
I was trying to send you an invite to momtheminx but I don't see your email address.
If you would like a private invite
email me at tkkerouac@gmail.com

chayakorn said...

Hello there!!
I've read your comment on our blog.
www.tungboon.blogspot.com

a bit surprised cuz we just start this blog, less than a month.
and we would like to say thank you and welcome you to our blog.

anyway, we hope that you can visit Thailand some time and can speak fluent 1500 Thai words (wondering what those 1500 words are haha)as well. you'll love Thailand.

umm i would like to invite you visiting this website...
www.meditationthai.org
just thought u might interest in it if you were in Thailand....

all the best,

Yongyee

Bimbimbie said...

You ARE funny but I like you *!*

I'm going to have to come back to read this latest post I'm still laughing over the Yorkshire Sloane. I worked with one, farmers daughter, Lady Di shirt collars, and of course pearl necklace, horse mad and held some "important" role in the Young Farmers movement.

eh up lad, am that chuffed thee likes us Yorkies *!*

Deb said...

I've seen that last metamorphosis in the local papers here...I was so shocked by it that I cut it out and kept it to show to my kids (there were other people shown as well).

I'm with ruth on the "getting caught up" on the wine bit. I figure I've got at least a dozen bottles or so that have my name on them.

Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
junky said...

Gled, the conductor is classic...
as a pretty much life long musician it has always surprised me that these professional players need a conductor, or for that matter sheet music, I've managed to play a couple of thousand shows without sheet music, and these clowns make pretty good money....
It seems you like me prefer to go downtown, rather than uptown, always remember the old saying "Speed Kills".

jim dandy said...

I blame early television for MY drinking. Watching all the old "family" shows cracks me up today. Everyone has a drink cart in the living room that they wheel over when ever they have a guest. If someone is upset..."Here, drink this!"
If there is reason to celebrate..."This calls for a drink!"
Someone walks in the room..."What'll ya have? Bourbon? Gin?"
I Want A Drink Cart!

RAFFI said...

thanks for the plug, gleds. glad to hear that's the end of that indulging. regarding pregnancy, there are many babies born to alcohol and drug-addicted moms and they turn out healthy for the most part. you're right, we forget the moms that were drinking before all the FAS babies started being publicized. it does happen, but in extreme cases.. and it usually has to do with malnutrition as alcoholics usually don't eat, especially a balanced diet (folate especially!!).

Bimbimbie said...

Milk Stout comes to mind as being THE drink for pregnant and nursing mothers a few decades ago *!*

I was listening to a similar discussion on my radio about under age drinking leading to the out of control binging - one person pointing out the obvious - that we humans are animals and our offspring learn by imitating their parents, so I agree with you. The old monkey see, monkey do routine. Plus those alco-mixer lolly water drinks that are aimed at youngsters should be taken off the market.

That poem by Philip Larkin - This be the Verse, is deliciously fitting for your post I think *!*

Ropinator said...

even the air is harmful because it is polluted then.

Akelamalu said...

So a little glass of wine won't do any harm - but will it stop at one??

Gledwood said...

Ruth: red wine: yum!!

TK: I will email in a day or 2

Chayakorn: the 1500 words was what you got for finishing the entire course... I only got 1/2 way through and can't remember all of that! But I would love to start learning again!!

Gledwood said...

Bimbimbie: I know fake sloanes dreadful!!

Deb: I cut that out too (only I lost it!)

Junky: ridiculous I know ;->...

Gledwood said...

Jim: you always know when a character is evil on a show like Bev Hills 90210 or the Orange County whatever they call that dreadful thing about rich kids in california well whatever... ANYONE with a drink or worse still a cig in their mouth can never turn out to be much more than 100% devil's spawn!

Raffi: yes you're right about malnutrition... too many liquid calories not enough food... also NO B vitamins. They say at least eat Marmite if you can... I know they don't have that cross the Pond and unless you ate it as a baby you're guaranteed to hate it believe me

(Q: so how did it EVER gain a foothold on the "something to spread on toast" marketplace? I dunno...)

Bimbimbie: o man! Do you have alcopops Down Under too? They are dreadful things (v tasty though come to think of it)...

I once saw a hilarious thing on Brookside (soap) where two uptight old codgers got roaring drunk on "lemonade"... no idea it was laced with 5% alcohol!!

Gledwood said...

Ropinator: you mean like in Mexico city? They say just LIVING there is equivalent to 20 cigs a day...

Akelamalu: do you mean in pregnancy... O! I see what you mean. Very good point.

I drink but I still haven't lost the ability to STOP.

I don't really understand people who can't stop drinking... though I've seen far too much of it to discount that type of behaviour

opop said...

情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, ut聊天室, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網, 影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友,

免費A片, 本土自拍, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片, 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊,

fgeegf said...

做愛的漫畫圖片, 情色電影分享區, 做愛ㄉ影片, 丁字褲美女寫真, 色美眉, 自拍俱樂部首頁, 日本偷自拍圖片, 色情做愛影片, 情色貼圖區, 八國聯軍情色網, 免費線上a片, 淫蕩女孩自拍, 美國a片, 都都成人站, 色情自拍, 本土自拍照片, 熊貓貼圖區, 色情影片, 5278影片網, 脫星寫真圖片, 粉喵聊天室, 金瓶梅18, sex888影片分享區, 1007視訊, 雙贏論壇, 爆爆爽a片免費看, 天堂私服論壇, 情色電影下載, 成人短片, 麗的線上情色小遊戲, 情色動畫免費下載, 日本女優, 小說論壇, 777成人區, showlive影音聊天網, 聊天室尋夢園, 義大利女星寫真集, 韓國a片, 熟女人妻援交, 0204成人, 性感內衣模特兒, 影片, 情色卡通, 85cc免費影城85cc, 本土自拍照片, 成人漫畫區, 18禁, 情人節阿性,

aaaa片, 免費聊天, 咆哮小老鼠影片分享區, 金瓶梅影片, av女優王國, 78論壇, 女同聊天室, 熟女貼圖, 1069壞朋友論壇gay, 淫蕩少女總部, 日本情色派, 平水相逢, 黑澀會美眉無名, 網路小說免費看, 999東洋成人, 免費視訊聊天, 情色電影分享區, 9k躺伯虎聊天室, 傑克論壇, 日本女星杉本彩寫真, 自拍電影免費下載, a片論壇, 情色短片試看, 素人自拍寫真, 免費成人影音, 彩虹自拍, 小魔女貼影片, 自拍裸體寫真, 禿頭俱樂部, 環球av影音城, 學生色情聊天室, 視訊美女, 辣妹情色圖, 性感卡通美女圖片, 影音, 情色照片 做愛, hilive tv , 忘年之交聊天室, 制服美女, 性感辣妹, ut 女同聊天室, 淫蕩自拍, 處女貼圖貼片區, 聊天ukiss tw, 亞亞成人館, 777成人, 秋瓷炫裸體寫真, 淫蕩天使貼圖, 十八禁成人影音, 禁地論壇, 洪爺淫蕩自拍, 秘書自拍圖片,

I WANT OFF METHADONE AS QUICK AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

METHADONE ~ A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH







Heroin Shortage: News

If you are looking for the British Heroin Drought post, click here; the latest word is in the comments.







Christiane F

"Wir, Kinder vom Bahnhoff Zoo" by "Christiane F", memoir of a teenage heroin addict and prostitute, was a massive bestseller in Europe and is now a set text in German schools. Bahnhoff Zoo was, until recently, Berlin's central railway station. A kind of equivalent (in more ways than one) to London's King's Cross... Of course my local library doesn't have it. So I'm going to have to order it through a bookshop and plough through the text in German. I asked my druggieworker Maple Syrup, who is Italiana how she learned English and she said reading books is the best way. CHRISTIANE F: TRAILER You can watch the entire 120-min movie in 12 parts at my Random blog. Every section EXCEPT part one is subtitled in English (sorry: but if you skip past you still get the gist) ~ to watch it all click HERE.

To See Gledwood's Entire Blog...

DID you find my blog via a Google or other search? Are you stuck on a post dated some time ago? Do you want to read Gledwood Volume 2 right from "the top" ~ ie from today?
If so click here and you'll get to the most recent post immediately!

Drugs Videos

Most of these come from my Random blog, which is an electronic scrapbook of stuff I thought I might like to view at some time or other. For those who want to view stuff on drugs I've collected the very best links here. Unless otherwise stated these are full-length features, usually an hour or more.

If you have a slow connexion and are unused to viewing multiscreen films on Youtube here's what to do: click the first one and play on mute, stopping and starting as it does. Then, when it's done, click on Repeat Play and you get the full entertainment without interruption. While you watch screen one, do the same to screens 2, 3 and so on. So as each bit finishes, the next part's ready and waiting.

Mexican Black Tar Heroin: "Dark End"

Khun Sa, whose name meant Prince Prosperous, had been, before his death in the mid 2000s, the world's biggest dealer in China White Heroin: "Lord of the Golden Triangle"

In-depth portrait of the Afghan heroin trade at its very height. Includes heroin-lab bust. "Afghanistan's Fateful Harvest"

Classic miniseries whose title became a catchphrase for the misery of life in East Asian prison. Nicole Kidman plays a privileged middle-class girl set up to mule heroin through Thai customs with the inevitable consequences. This is so long it had to be posted in two parts. "Bangkok Hilton 1" (first 2 hours or so); "Bangkok Hilton 2" (last couple of hours).

Short film: from tapwater-clear H4 in the USA to murky black Afghan brown in Norway: "Heroin Addicts Speak"

Before his untimely death this guy kept a video diary. Here's the hour-long highlights as broadcast on BBC TV: "Ben: Diary of a Heroin Addict". Thanks to Noah for the original link.

Some of the most entertaining scenes from Britain's top soap (as much for the poor research as anything else). Not even Phil Mitchell would go from nought to multi-hundred pound binges this fast: "Phil Mitchell on Crack" (just over 5 minutes).

Scientist lady shows us how to cook up gear: "How Much Citric?" Lucky cow: her brown is 70% purity! Oddly we never see her actually do her hit... maybe she got camera shy...

And lastly:

German documentary following a life from teenage addiction to untimely death before the age of 30. The decline in this girl's appearance is truly shocking. "Süchtig: Protokoll einer Hilflosigkeit". Sorry no subtitles; this is here for anyone learning German who's after practice material a little more gripping than Lindenstraße!































Nosey Quiz! Have you ever heard voices when you weren't high on drugs?

Manic Magic

Manic Magic

Gledwood Volume 2: A Heroin Addict's Blog

Copyright 2011 by Gledwood